To think my baby is behind.

[SideEyeing]

Hi there,

I can't decide whether I'm being overly anxious or not. My 6mo baby girl (born at 39w) seems to be lagging behind other babies in terms of development. I'm reluctant to take her to the GP given the whole pandemic situation but it's really eating me up and causing a lot of anxiety. She's just starting solids now but is otherwise EBF.

She started smiling around seven weeks and properly laughing at about 4.5m. She doesnt babble using consonants much but will make occasional ma or ba sounds. She will babble more if her hands are in her mouth but otherwise its still very much "ning" "aaaah" or "wuh" sounds.

Physically she can roll tummy to back and mastered that properly a couple of weeks ago, though she did do it once or twice at around four months. She can't roll back to stomach, which worries me because friends with babies up to six weeks younger all seem to have mastered this. She grabs her feet a lot but can't put them in her mouth (she's pretty chunky though). Recently she's become really clingy so I can't leave her on her mat for any length of time to practise getting stronger or rolling because she just bawls. She can sit with a bit of support but topples after a few seconds without it.

Her grasping at toys is good and she can play quite well with her activity centre, albeit mostly by smashing it with her hands. She will drop stuff on the floor so that I'll retrieve it and bar being very clingy and needy atm (age?) she's pretty happy and smiley.

I feel crap because I'm worrying nearly all the time. I wish I knew what "normal" was but it seems unlikely to me that she is on track when literally every baby I know around her age is significantly ahead of her in two or three areas. I'm not competitive, I just feel there is something wrong and I don't know how I'd get help if there was in the current situation. Every time another mum friend sends a pic of their 5mo doing another thing that seems miles off for dd I cry.

I should probably point out I'm receiving support for PND but I feel like because of that the GP and HV write off my concerns. I adore my daughter and love her more than anything and I don't care about her being "advanced" - I just want to know she's okay and whether I should expect that she will struggle later on when it comes to school.

I'm worried I'll get roasted for being pathetic. I just don't know where else to vent or ask.

[toomuchpeppapig]

Your baby sounds perfect for her age. My DS is 7 months and only started really rolling over and sitting up in the last month. Also, he has become very clingy since being 6 months old so that's normal. All children do things at different ages. Try not to worry. She sounds like she's doing things at the right time.

Please just try to enjoy her. I know that it often feels as though they won't be able to master something, and then a few weeks later they'll be an expert at it and you'll wonder why you were worried.

[SideEyeing]

Thank you everyone. I'm really grateful so many people have taken the time to reply. Generally I find chatting to the other mums really helpful (god knows it can be lonely, especially now!) and I'm close to a couple in particular (one who texted me yesterday after what felt like a montage of pictures of babies chewing their feet warning me not to get in a state!) But I do find it so hard not to worry. The HV questionnaire was helpful - she's 6m on Tuesday so hopefully another thirty days on top of that and she'll be a little more on track.

I'm setting myself up to be grey by the time she's 2 if I don't calm down about it all!

[Deadringer]

We all obsess a bit over our dc, especially the first but your baby sounds perfectly normal. I have 5 and each of them did some things early and some things late. My eldest was an early talker but a late walker. My youngest reached out for toys very early and rolled over before average, but she never crawled and was a late walker. Come to think of it my middle dd didn"t do anything early, she was late for all her milestones, but she is just about to graduate with an honours degree, she is on track for a first. You see a baby doing something before yours and you think they are ahead, but no doubt there is lots of stuff they haven't done early. You can't help the way you feel, but try to enjoy your baby, she is doing things at exactly the right time for her, and even if she is a late developer, there is no reason to think that means anything long term.

[Coyoacan]

OP, I think you have hit the nail on the head, the miracle of having a child is so overwhelming. I was so scared of cot death because it seemed like my child had come from nowhere and could disappear just as easily.

Your baby sounds like she is hitting her targets just fine. And there is quite a range, with some of most gifted people I know missing some of these targets. My sister was late speaking and has a very high IQ.

[Haworthia]

a montage of babies chewing their feet



I don’t recall either of my children chewing their feet ever.

I stand by what I said about the NCT though. I didn’t do it because I’m far too antisocial, and making small talk with people I have nothing in common with is my idea of actual hell. And it’s precisely because you have nothing in common which makes you endlessly compare baby development. Aargh!

I remember being in a baby signing class listening to a group of three women talk about who amongst their group had Jumperoos and/or door bouncers. It was quite funny really, but there was a voice in my head saying “Listen to yourselves!”

[EveryoneLoves09876]

This sounds normal. I don't really know which part worries you? My ds is 7 months and hasn't rolled since he did it once months ago. I know babies who can't roll until quite late as top heavy. All you can do is lie with her and give her as much comfort as possible whilst you practise.

I'd advise giving your health visitor duty line a ring. Mine were so nice.

[guessmyusername]

Babies do everything in their own time. My dd never crawled (she was a bottom shuffler). She was late walking - 17 months! But is now at university doing her masters degree. Please don't compare to others.

[UnderTheBus]

To be honest she sounds fine to me, but have you tried contacting your health visitor? They know more about baby development- the GP won't be able to do much as it's not a medical concern. Our HVs are doing phone calls and have a text service.

[SuperSleepyBaby]

My daughter only sat up at 11 months. She is 3 now and has no problems at all.

[GameSetMatch]

My first son, didn’t talk at all he was really behind with his speech I worried so much, then about three days before his birthday just started speaking in really complex sentences, I was shocked. Your daughter will all of a sudden just catch up. I really wouldn’t worry at this stage, babies all do things different even if you did go to a doctor they wouldn’t do anything she’s just a baby doing things at her own pace.

[LockDownBirthdayblues]

This sounds really bad but DS is 18 months and I can't remember exactly when he rolled back to front or sat up on his own.... She sounds perfectly normal OP , what I do know is that DS seemed to do something new at a rate of knots, I've day you think of he can't do this at the moment and the next day he's doing it on one leg and backwards!

[Harrysmum2020]

My 33 Weeker rolled once at about 6 weeks never again till about 8 months. Everything u says sounds exactly on track for that age to me and I obsessively read about mile stones I know it’s hard but try and relax

[Vikingmamma]

My 6 month old dc2 doesnt make consonant sounds and only rolled onto front twice so far but I'm not worried as she is engaged with people and the world around her and is flipping massive. Her big brother was much more lithe and therefore mobile. The day he first rolled over, he continued to do so many times. My dc2 couldn't be more different. She cant be bothered, shes too chunky! They're all different and get there in their own time, please try not to worry

[CarterBeatsTheDevil]

I was also a super anxious new mum and I was obsessed with milestones. I do a lot of work with children with SEN and there is no obscure condition that I did not consider. But actually she always hit her milestones within the normal range, she just wasn't often the first of her cohort to do it. Your little girl sounds absolutely bang on normal. She doesn't have to be first or early, she just has to grow the right bits of brain at the right time and it sounds like she is

[CarterBeatsTheDevil]

I should say "predicted" not "normal", sorry, but I am wrangling my now 2.5 year old and 9 weeks preg so not using language brilliantly

[RoLaren]

Each child is an individual and hits different milestones in their own sweet time. My eldest wasn't potty trained until 5 and we were convinced it was our fault until our second potty trained without fuss at 2. Yours sounds absolutely fine. I promise you you would know if there was something seriously wrong. It really sounds like anxiety making you obsess. Relax, breathe and try to enjoy accompanying your child on their own unique journey.

[SideEyeing]

Once again thank you all so much. I'm really going to try and just let her go at her own pace and stop worrying so much. Worst case scenario I'll contact the HV (I have done already but - probably unsurprisingly - she seemed to think the more pressing thing to do after I blubbed a about the size of my child's within-normal-range head might be the Edinburgh test )

[Disabrie22]

I work with babies - she sounds fine to me. Mine was still toppling over at ten months and one of mine only smiled at 4 months! Both absolutely fine and doing well academically

[BlueJava]

Please try not to worry OP. I had twins and worried a lot, I would constantly compare them because obviously there is always a reference. (I mean in my head, not out loud!!) They developed at different rates and I remember having the same worries.

Here is one of my experiences. One DS tried to grab on to everything, rolled around constantly, tried to pull himself up, knocked things over, got frusted because he couldn't walk, constantly tried. The other twin just sat there contentedly. He didn't try to move much, he seemed happy but he had none of the action of his brother. I was worried he was never going to move, that he hadn't got the strength, that there was something very wrong. The one who struggled eventually mastered toddling, and only a few days later the one who had done nothing suddenly toddled across the floor, several steps. He went from nothing to just toddling around. To me that shows that you can't compare, they do things at their own pace and regularly seem to pause development then race ahead.

[Raaaa]

It sounds normal to me. We never bothered with tummy time because she hated it and she's fine, she walked late, talked late, was a big baby and now fits in perfectly well with her preschool group and is a happy little thing.
As hard as it is be aware of developmental timeframes but don't focus too much on it as every baby really is different

[Saturdayrabbit42]

Enjoy her...this time will go so quickly...she sounds just grand to me...congratulations xx

[altiara]

Hi OP, being a first time mum is a minefield! I remember being asked if DD had a more than average number of colds, How on earth was I supposed to know what was ‘average’!

For what it’s worth, my DD didn’t roll over until 6.5 months and that was only because my DM kept putting her on her tummy. I think I was dressed she hadn’t rolled. She could sit up, but she just stayed still either sitting or on her back. She neither spoke nor moved and my friends baby did everything early!
My DS on the other hand rolled over and span around on his front at 11 weeks and crawled at 5.5 months. I had been expecting another non mobile baby so was pretty freaked out!

Then both talked late but had hearing problems. So it is good to keep an eye on things, but then not to stress too much. Just keep in touch with your HV.
Good luck

[YouokHun]

I think the Dr and the HV are not concerned because the many babies they’ve seen in their time leads them to the conclusion that all babies are different and develop at different times. I’m going to add to some of the other stories that illustrate just how difficult it is to predict how they will turn out based on their first year or so. My DS was slow to speak and to walk. He was a big baby (11lbs) and just couldn’t get his bulk off the floor. - he’s now extremely sporty and fit. He was late to speak and pretty mute when others were babbling away but by year 2 he’ll doing well and is academically very able and could talk the hind legs off a donkey. My DD, who was quick with all the baby and toddler stuff isn’t academic at all and not particularly sporty. They are both great, with different talents and different faults!

The worrying and focus on development as a indicator of your performance is probably your PND; I know as (like many here) I’ve been in your position and later on as a psychotherapist I ran some PND groups; this was so often the focus. Being a parent is an imperfect job and all you can do is your best. You’ll make mistakes, you’ll get most of it right but you will never really have certainty that you’ve performed well as a parent. Your need for certainty that you’re doing a good job may be what is causing your distress. There isn’t a barometer or scale of perfect parenting, it doesn’t exist, so you can’t put yourself on it and rate others as being higher up; it’s impossible to rate anyone. After all the baby who rolls of her stomach right on cue might be tomorrow’s drug addict or high court judge ... who knows!

One thing is crystal clear - you’re NOT pathetic, you are simply grappling with an enormous change in your life that so so many of us struggled with too.

[YouokHun]

By year 2 he *was doing well (16 now!).

[Malbecfan]

Please try not to worry OP. Your DD sounds lovely, smiling and laughing. Enjoy her whilst she stays in the same place - crawling is a nightmare!

DD1 never mastered rolling as a baby. She screamed in her pram. Then I started propping her up in the pram and she was a different child. She was just completely nosy. Before DD2 was born (DD1 was 20.5 months old) she could talk in sentences and it was very clear. But she was tiny. She hardly put any weight on as a baby. The HVs were worried, the GP less so.

Fast forward. DD1 is now 20, 21 in July. Guess what? She still talks well. She is bright & hard-working (Oxbridge) but she is still really petite. Size 6 UK is big on her. She is really strong & has danced competitively but she is tiny. She was never meant to be big. I shed so many tears over being told I was not feeding her properly or whatever when she was a baby, but it was obviously not meant to be.

Don't google or try to diagnose your DD. She is unique. She's your DD. Love her and enjoy her idiosyncrasies. When other mums tell you that their DC is translating ancient Greek, smile & nod then ignore them. Your baby is special because she is yours. Enjoy it all because it goes way too fast.