To think my baby is behind.

[SideEyeing]

Hi there,

I can't decide whether I'm being overly anxious or not. My 6mo baby girl (born at 39w) seems to be lagging behind other babies in terms of development. I'm reluctant to take her to the GP given the whole pandemic situation but it's really eating me up and causing a lot of anxiety. She's just starting solids now but is otherwise EBF.

She started smiling around seven weeks and properly laughing at about 4.5m. She doesnt babble using consonants much but will make occasional ma or ba sounds. She will babble more if her hands are in her mouth but otherwise its still very much "ning" "aaaah" or "wuh" sounds.

Physically she can roll tummy to back and mastered that properly a couple of weeks ago, though she did do it once or twice at around four months. She can't roll back to stomach, which worries me because friends with babies up to six weeks younger all seem to have mastered this. She grabs her feet a lot but can't put them in her mouth (she's pretty chunky though). Recently she's become really clingy so I can't leave her on her mat for any length of time to practise getting stronger or rolling because she just bawls. She can sit with a bit of support but topples after a few seconds without it.

Her grasping at toys is good and she can play quite well with her activity centre, albeit mostly by smashing it with her hands. She will drop stuff on the floor so that I'll retrieve it and bar being very clingy and needy atm (age?) she's pretty happy and smiley.

I feel crap because I'm worrying nearly all the time. I wish I knew what "normal" was but it seems unlikely to me that she is on track when literally every baby I know around her age is significantly ahead of her in two or three areas. I'm not competitive, I just feel there is something wrong and I don't know how I'd get help if there was in the current situation. Every time another mum friend sends a pic of their 5mo doing another thing that seems miles off for dd I cry.

I should probably point out I'm receiving support for PND but I feel like because of that the GP and HV write off my concerns. I adore my daughter and love her more than anything and I don't care about her being "advanced" - I just want to know she's okay and whether I should expect that she will struggle later on when it comes to school.

I'm worried I'll get roasted for being pathetic. I just don't know where else to vent or ask.

[Embracelife]

In terms of development you don't need to worry until they are 2 yrs old

Well thst a not entirely true...ds was diagnosed with issues/concerns at four months .....if she could not hold her head up or sit supported by now you would worry. But she can.
If she was not smiling by now you would worry
But she can. And she laughs and is happy smiley.
She also understands cause and effect _ she drops you pick up = so cognitively is doing fine.

[thunderthighsohwoe]

Mine sat up at 5 months but puked violently at every tummy time (reflux) so never rolled or crawled. Started cruising at 10 months, then bottom shuffling and walking at 12 months.

She’s now 18 months and can run, crawl, roll, climb up and down stairs and generally throw herself about just as well as others her age. It all seemed to even itself out in the end.

[Merigoround]

AS the saying goes " Comparison is the thief of joy". Please try not to compare your lovely baby with others .
Your friends will only report early achievements on social media. they wont say how many times they've lain awake wondering why their child isnt doing as well as another child. Its crazy (although absolutely natural) and something that Mothers put themselves through.
As a PP has said, keep an eye on her general progress and if she isnt showing developments in a couple of months then get her checked over. But as she is making some progress at her own speed its unlikely you will need to .
Shes only been on the planet for a few short weeks. Let her be herself. Enjoy her and help her do the things she cant do for herself yet. In a blink of an eye she will be running through the school gates exactly like her peers.

[Aquamarine1029]

All of this worry is just your anxiety talking, and it's completely unfounded. There is not a single thing you've said that sets off any alarm bells for me. Your baby sounds totally normal. Please try to stop obsessing about this.

[Embracelife]

Dd didn't walk til 24 months due to hypermobility but cognitively fine. She had 0physio review at around nine months and few physio sessions.
Ds had issues identified but they were very apparent. E g could not sit unsupported at all until past nine months not even few seconds. Some babies may need review but right now there probably isnt anything concerning.
However you can always ask hv to reassure you and seek anxiety help

[Selfsettling3]

Clingness maybe early separation anxiety or she is just good at vocalising what she wants, these are milestones in themselves.

There is a really good book called birth to 5, it’s really for professionals but it has a comprehensive guide to milestones which you may find helpful.

[KenDodd]

Your baby sounds fine.
If you really must compare you baby to other parents' babies actually look to see what the babies do, not what the mothers say they do. One thing I noticed going to playgroups etc with three children is that mothers exaggerate what their babies can do all the time. They will say their baby is speaking in sentences etc when nothing coming out the the kids mouth sounds anything like a single word I've ever heard. They say the kid sits up, walks, reads etc on and on it goes when actually, the kid is distinctly average at everything.

[Abouttimemum]

DS is 14 months (he was born 34 and was poorly so really is approx 12.5 months corrected) he has just started crawling in the past two weeks.
In his last appointment with his paed (virtual around 4 weeks ago) she was happy with his movements, noises and use of his hands. She says the range of ‘normal’ is so vast.
She also said that while most of the focused on milestones are gross motor, many babies prefer to focus on dexterity, fine motor skills, taking things in and sounds rather.
Anyway he’s fine she says. He was well behind on sitting, rolling, and putting weight on his legs (only just started doing that too) I don’t expect him to walk until gone 18 months.
He does have a very helpful physiotherapist, so if you are concerned then you can speak to your GP and if they can refer you if they think it’s necessary. Don’t let it eat you up though, they all develop at their own pace.

[OhLookHeKickedTheBall]

Your description of your DD sounds much like my DS at that age. He was chubby with little legs so he couldn't get his feet in his mouth either! He really wasn't that bothered with rolling or crawling or anything until he was ready.

My DD otoh was one of those who was practically crawling straight out of the womb. Always had to remind myself that DS was normal, DD wasn't!

My nieces and nephews have all been similar, either a little fast or a little slow. Only one had an issue but it's not something that affects them now.

Try not to panic. If you are really worried try calling your HV for advice.

[Becstar90]

From what you've said, if I compare your baby to what my baby was doing at that age then yours is ahead. My child is now 2 and she is ahead of other children I know older than her. Please stop worrying, they do things in their own time.

[OhLookHeKickedTheBall]

Calling HV corona service dependent of course I meant

[Hoggleludo]

My baby didn't sit up till she was beer on a year. She didn't walk till she was 18 months. She didn't roll over at all. She didn't eat solid food till she was over a year old. She never crawled.

She's now a very healthy. Happy 8 yr old. She's playing with her dolls prams right now. (She loves silver cross prams!)

She was premature. But even I got a bit worried. When the ladies who I'd met in neo natal. Their babies were well in front

However. It doesn't hurt to take them to the gp just to check.

[KenDodd]

Oh, and like the earlier poster, I had a (first) baby who was slow at everything, walking, talking the lot. Health visitor was just about to refer me to someone when we had a tiny bit of progress. She's now near the top of the class at a super selective grammar and is realistically looking at Oxbridge. My second child was absolutely miles ahead as a baby, really was talking in short sentences before one, loads of professionals comment how advance he was (adding to my worries as he overtook his big sister). He's not at the same school, average achievements academically and almost certainly won't be going to Oxbridge, he's not sporty or creative either. Still, do you know what? We love them both the same and are equally as proud of both of them, they're both great.

[Colabottles64]

Your baby sounds right on track, the worry sounds very consuming for you though. It’s so hard to become a mum and worry is part and parcel but this sounds like it’s taking over. Post natal anxiety is really common but not well known - maybe this might be something you’re experiencing?

Also I thought the wonder weeks book might help with development and the concept of leaps, there babies regularly go through clingy/fussy periods linked to developmental leaps.

Look after yourself OP xxx

[SideEyeing]

Thank you so much everyone who replied. I do recognise that there's an element (a big element) of anxiety fuelling my worries. I wonder if I'd be this bad if we weren't mid pandemic and I could casually ask at baby clinic when she's weighed or whatever. Instead I can't stop googling and so far she's had apraxia, dwarfism, autism, spina bifida, global delay.. The list goes on. It's like hypochondria by proxy She's a gorgeous baby. I think it just feels too good to be true that I'd genuinely have a happy healthy child who isn't going to face enormous struggles and challenges (beyond what life inevitably throws at everyone at some point.) I feel like I can't stop waiting for something to either go wrong in an accident or be wrong anyway.

PS - I'm so sorry if that sounds like I'm suggesting having a child with any of the above is "the worst thing" - I'm certainly not. I think it's fear of the unknown more than anything. I certainly don't mean to offend anyone and have enormous respect for anyone doing this parenting gig (I imagine more competently than me!)

[KenDodd]

You say your baby laughs? If I were you I'd just focus on doing that together for a while.

[Echobelly]

It sounds normal, please don't compare and please don't google anything! One can really tell very little at this stage.

[Yester]

It's all such a worry I get it. My DS2 was like this and also very chunky! He is now a very sporty clever funny 13 year old who happens to be a little bit dyspraxic (which mainly manifests as knocking things over and being a messy monkey). I worried a lot and needed have at all.

PND can make all little worries feel worse and lockdown ascerbates all worries. Be gentle to yourself.

[NK346f2849X127d8bca260]

My youngest ds was later doing most things compared to his five siblings, he didn't walk until he was 19 months and was very clingy. He is now 19 and doing an apprenticeship degree in microbiology.

[Jent13c]

It's a first baby thing, everyone goes through it. My first DS sat up at 4 months but didn't roll until he could walk! They all do different things at different times. I was also worried about babbling which he never did until a lot later. Then he said juice at 10 months old and has literally not stopped talking since.

[BubblesBuddy]

When mine were babies I didn’t have Google. I chose a down to earth baby book. The one I chose was by Penelope Leach. It would seem a bit old fashioned now but it had everything in it. It’s a sort of bible 0-5! It really does put development into perspective. It allows you to enjoy your baby secure in the knowledge that their milestones are fine! So I would see if this book is still available and keep off Google and don’t engage with friends. Friends never say their child is months behind! They will only post early achievements.

My DD1 was very talkative and very smily. Easy going and not a cracker or a walker. First steps at 14 months. Still wobbly at 18 months. However did very well at school but not an Olympian! No surprises there. DD2 was way more clingy and walked at 1 year. They are all very different and milestones don’t have a fixed point in time. They will often span months. A friend had premature twins (32 weeks) and they were walking at 10 months. Some children also seem to store up language and then it appears in phrases rather than single words. Go with the flow and enjoy her.

The next boasting milestone will be walking and then potty training - just don’t engage!

[Howdidido]

Shes more advanced in gross motor skills than my DD7 months. I'd say don't worry but I think this is more about your anxiety than your DD. Which is why your Gp and HV spund like they're fobbing you off. Because they are not worried. If shes not sitting by 9months then start to look into why. Just keep up with playing with her and tummy time in different ways- on a roller, on your knees, on your chest. If she wants to roll she will. Don't stop her!
Trite as it sounds every baby is different. And you will look back in one month and be amazed how much shes changed.
I would talk to GP about your anxiety if you're still worried.
Loathe as I am to say look at more website- have you looked at What to Expect pages to see... what to expect? It says what some, most and a few babies can do at each month. and you'll see your baby is perfectly normal. Babies advance in different things and different rates.
The clingyness is really normal at this stage. And shes probably teething which will make her even more clingy
Xxx

[firstimemamma]

Sounds like your baby is doing very well op.

My friend didn't walk at all until 2 and is now a successful and well respected teacher, doing really well in life and nothing 'behind' about her at all. In fact I think she's my most talented friend (singing, baking and more).

Try to forget about the concept of 'normal' as babies are all massively different anyway.

[Spirali]

She sounds like my DD at 6 months. I think she could sit up but only just. I remember the day before she sat up I was thinking she was miles off from it! Same with crawling (happened at 10 months) one minute she seemed ages away and the next she mastered it in one day! She’s 2 now and a few months ago I was posting threads about how worried I was about her talking because she only had about 15 words but now she’s starting to forming small sentences and picking up at least 5 words a day!

It’s so hard not to worry though and you get so frustrated on their behalf! It’s a good sign that she’s clingy at this age by the way 🙂 it means you’ve done well with responsive parenting ❤️