LTB

[day2day12]

I am a long term poster but changed my user name as this could be outing!
So I am having a dilemma!
Been with DH for nearly 10 years and I think the wool is coming off my face.

I work 13 hours a day self employed and he takes all my Funds except what I save for tax claiming it is for bills.
I have nothing!
No money for clothes zilch.
I wanted a baby he said no because he is afraid I will Die I have t1 diabetes.
I think this us just an excuse.
He has a Ds from a previous marriage, but that's a different story.
He's never really looked after him his GP did but that was mostly down to them playing games etc
Anyway I'm in my late 30s thinking I want another baby he promised me a family and I know that I have been a fool.
My aibu is
Should I leave him?
My DD who is now a young adult left our home to live with her dad because of his psychotic mother coming in yelling, I did not leave then because I personally had nowhere to go.
He sees his family every day and his son (they live on our street) unfortunately.

I can't see DD Every day she lives an hour away and I don't drive.
I have no support network at all I am totally alone in this world.

All he does is take take take from me money wise etc.

I suggested his DS was autistic or on the spectrum.
I was ignored called for it in fact.
One of his friends suggests it suddenly he takes notice and he presto he is!
He thinks nothing of taking himself off golfing with the lads.

He even took himself 3 years ago to play golf my mum broke her hip so I could see her I had to stay at hers with the dog and catch 3 busses there and back to hospital every day while he went golfing.

My 30th bday
He took his best friend to a four star hotel for a golf break with his DS.
Actually on my bday
I collapsed in town as I was getting 6 buses a day to look after my dad who had a stroke I collapsed due to being ill.
He didn't even come back.
I think I have just lost it.
When I ask what do I get he says you get a home and stability!
Please be kind my mental health is suffering x

[Happynow001]

OP this man is financially abusing you. He lies to you whenever you question him and because he's good at it (crying whenever you challenge him) and you are gentle and trusting.

I'm afraid he doesn't care for you. You are there for his convenience: so your income, cooking, cleaning, intimacy and pretty much anything he wants - and he does exactly what he wants when he wants, funded by you.

I wanted a baby he said no because he is afraid I will Die I have t1 diabetes.
A baby would need too much of your attention and would interfere at least temporarily in you working and bringing (him) money.

He had the snip when his DS was 5 which leads me to think he never wanted more kids and just lied to me.
He lied to you OP.

When I say that to him, he simply says I didn't want more kids with her!
He didn't want more children at all - not just with you, as that would be an inconvenience for him.

You really need to get away from him and make a life for yourself away from him.

You've had advice from other posters regarding finances so do please look into that. Find yourself somewhere to live even if it's a room in shared housing temporarily. Or can you stay with your mum if your self employment allows you to do that?

Make a plan and go. Don't tell him anything until you are in the new place as it sounds like he'll talk you out of leaving. Who's name is on the bills? If his then he's legally responsible for them. If yours then contact the companies, once you've left, and tell them. Follow up these phone calls in writing/your personal secured email so you have proof - you are no longer at that location and bills should be addressed in his name. Send in meter readings (gas, electricity) to the utility companies in confirmation of when you were last at Your home location. Get your mail redirected (you can do that online). Change any passwords, pincodes etc to your accounts etc which he may know.

And get legal assistance as soon as you can - but keep that information close to your chest as he's unlikely to be helpful during the separation and divorce.

Women's Aid has been mentioned on this thread - contact them as soon as possible. They can help with finding legal assistance. Also go online to www.entitled.co.uk to check what benefits you may be entitled to.

You can do this OP. Deep breaths, focus and act!! Good luck. 🌹

[recycledbottle]

Sorry OP but the fact that your daughter had to leave because he allowed his mother to abuse her is reason enough to leave. You need to leave. Open a bank account. Can you move your business to a different place?

[Somanysocks]

LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE!!!

You must think more of yourself, you are worth better than this abuse.

[Maverick66]

Do you really need to ask?

[Turin]

He is is using you for your money and you get nothing in return except false promises. I’ve been here OP.

Does he work or contribute to the running of the home? What redeeming characteristics does he actually have?

Is staying with him worth dakGing your self worth and self esteem further?

Would you want your daughter to be with a man like him?

I know how incredibly hard this must be for you but don’t risk a lifetime of regret just because he’s loving and remorseful when he needs to be. Xx

[Soubriquet]

Keep your money and get out

Get all your documents that you need and find somewhere else to leave

He is abusive. It isn’t physical but financial and emotional.

Still counts as abuse

[Thewomeninthemirror]

Leave.
You are still young and have missed out on so much because of this man.
There is a life out there, go and live it.
Do you have a joint account? As soon as you leave stop the access he has to your money!

[Ponoka7]

He is abusing you in every way. This is your life that you are throwing away. You don't get a second chance.

Trying to take all of your money off you is enough to get the Police involved, just to show how serious this is. He has worn you down to think this is ok.

You need to get out.