DH broke lockdown but is making me feel guilty

[Anonandonandonandon]

DH agreed, in spite of my protests, to meet a few local friends last week, in the park our houses backs on to. They kept 2m apart, but there were 4 of them. They are mutual friends, but I declined to go.

He wanted to do this again today, but I’ve told him I think he is being selfish. He says the risk is minimal, and I probably agree, but I’ve made clear that it’s not legal, that the rules are in place for a reason and he is not above the law.

He’s agreed not to go, but he’s told the friends it’s because of me, which I think is unfair.

I’d arranged to meet 1 friend in the same park later, but DH has asked me to go somewhere else (which would involve a drive for both my friend and me), so that these other friends don’t see and feel slighted.

He thinks IABU, but I think he is. I don’t want to upset any of my friends and I’m now not sure what to do.

[Chiochan]

Im not usually this blunt but you sound horrendous. Its really sad that a public health crisis has been a gift to petty bullys.

[WickedlyPetite]

It was perfectly reasonable that your DH told his friends that he wasn't meeting them because of you.

[Anonandonandonandon]

Im not usually this blunt but you sound horrendous. Its really sad that a public health crisis has been a gift to petty bullys.

You sound equally lovely.

[TeacupDrama]

this piece www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-52758024

by BBC illustrates that covid is about as risky as normal living and for the vast majority of well people under 70 their risk of dying of covid is less than their general risk of dying in any one year the risk to the under 20's is much much lower ie 3 children under 15 have died of covid ( whether they were already ill children I don't know) last year 50 children died in car accidents and over 40 were murdered

[Anonandonandonandon]

• I’ve arranged to meet my friend elsewhere.
  
  Why did you do that? Surely the lowest risk would be to meet in the closest place?*
  
  I was reminded that it doesn’t have to be a park. There are other open spaces as close by.

[MsTSwift]

God your poor dh. So hypocritical

[NiknicK]

My DH hasn’t seen any of his friends since lockdown started but if he wanted to go meet them and was happy that he could keep a 2m distance then I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Plus I don’t tell my dh what he can and can’t do. I’m not his mother.

[Anonandonandonandon]

So hypocritical

Honestly. I give up.

[LimeLemonOrange]

Haven't read full thread but just wanted to offer solidarity.

My approach to this lockdown is to follow the government rules strictly - then there are no dilemmas, not role modelling rule breaking to my teens etc.

But DH is starting to have his own interpretation and wanting to bend the rules.

I think the differences between how people interpret lockdown rules and whether people stick to them will cause a lot of disagreements between family and friends as everyone has their own interpretation and set of lockdown behaviours and approaches.

[Shmithecat2]

So, there's 4 of them. If the 'Rona police try to arrest them, they can just say that they had only arranged to meet in 2s, but coincidentally arranged to meet their chosen 1 in the same location at the same time. No rules broken then.

Unclench.

[Excited101]

I’m with you op, I can’t understand loads of the replies on here. The ‘rules’ are based on how necessary taking a risk is. It’s necessary for people to go food shopping, it’s not necessary for people to hang out in groups, so of course one is allowed and the other is not.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"I’d arranged to meet 1 friend in the same park later, but DH has asked me to go somewhere else (which would involve a drive for both my friend and me), so that these other friends don’t see and feel slighted."

So he doesn't want his friends to feel 'slighted' but he's fine with stressing you out (he knows you're a "born rule follower" witnessing him breaking a rule).

Your husband needs to look to his priorities, they're rather skewed.

[Topseyt]

The only "rule" I try to follow is the 2 metre social distancing one. Even then, I don't go overboard. If I need to walk past someone in the supermarket or let them walk past me then I do it.

You didn't need to make any issues here. You could each have met your friends and socially distanced with no issues whatsoever.

There's no point in blindly following nonsensical rules. After all, even Dominic Cummings doesn't follow them, and he is probably behind the drafting of many of them.

[LH1987]

People are being a little bit over critical here, all she did was tell her DH that she thought he should obey the rules. Its not like she has locked him in!

[feellikeanalien]

It would be interesting to see just what people would be prepared to do just because "it's the rules".

I am all for obeying reasonable and proportionate rules but I have no confidence that the people making the rules in this instance have the first clue what they are doing.

[Blue5]

People are so thick
Rules are you can only meet one person atm, why are people desperate to meet more. Get a grip!

[toinfinityandlockdown]

Legally it isn't allowed, but since he could meet and they could all meet each other two by two outside I'm not sure that health or risk wise there is any difference. So I wouldn't care personally.

[vanillandhoney]

Rules are you can only meet one person atm, why are people desperate to meet more. Get a grip!

Because meeting four people at once, or four people an hour apart is the same level of risk. If you meet Jane down the park at 10, Susan at 11, Janet at 12 and Sophie at 1, you're not breaking the law. But if you all sit in the park together at 12, you are.

It's a ridiculous rule. The only reason it's in place is because it means the government still looks like it's doing something to enforce lockdown. What level of increased risk do you think exists if you meet four people at once, vs. you meeting them all individually?

[Haffdonga]

All the nasty comments on this thread just go to show that many people don't know what the lockdown laws now are and even fewer understand them.

YANBU OP - you are choosing to keep legal. Your DH is choosing to break the law.

It's the logic behind the law that is debatable.

[highmarkingsnowbile]

I'd have told you to take a flying leap. Controlling and over the top.

[IHaveBrilloHair]

"Choosing to keep legal", has proper made me laugh

[Runmybathforme]

OP, you’re making no sense. Presumably you have to go out to shop, you still go to work and yet you object to your DH meeting four friends in an open area, whilst social distancing ? Where’s the risk ? You’re blindly following rules that make no sense at all.

[Haffdonga]

Because meeting four people at once, or four people an hour apart is the same level of risk

I'm not a statistician @vanillandhoney but I think you are wrong there.

If the law says Jane, Susan, Janet and Sophie can all meet each other together then Jane can spread the virus to her 3 friends at once. If each of those 4 people then go and meet 4 more people each then it spreads to 16, that spreads to 64. 256, 1024 and so on. * It can explode exponentially.

If Jane can only meet her friends one at a time and each friend only meets one person at a time (assuming everyone passes it on) , then the spread is 4, 8, 16, 32. It's much slower and much less likely to get out of control.

For the individual the law makes no sense but for the population it does.

[FraterculaArctica]

I'm totally with you OP. Do people take this pick and choose approach to which laws they follow in the rest of their lives? There are masses of laws we all individually disagree with, doesn't mean the right thing to do is be selective about which ones to obey.

[EverdeRose]

The rule is completely ridiculous and he does right to flout it for the sham it is.

He could have decided this afternoon to have a trip to the park and sat 2m apart from 3 total strangers legally. How is that different from sitting 2m apart from 3 friends.

What should you do if you go to the park and recognize someone there, do you have to go home, pretend you don't know them and ignore them, hide behind a tree so you're not caught waving at someone you know.