DH broke lockdown but is making me feel guilty

[Anonandonandonandon]

DH agreed, in spite of my protests, to meet a few local friends last week, in the park our houses backs on to. They kept 2m apart, but there were 4 of them. They are mutual friends, but I declined to go.

He wanted to do this again today, but I’ve told him I think he is being selfish. He says the risk is minimal, and I probably agree, but I’ve made clear that it’s not legal, that the rules are in place for a reason and he is not above the law.

He’s agreed not to go, but he’s told the friends it’s because of me, which I think is unfair.

I’d arranged to meet 1 friend in the same park later, but DH has asked me to go somewhere else (which would involve a drive for both my friend and me), so that these other friends don’t see and feel slighted.

He thinks IABU, but I think he is. I don’t want to upset any of my friends and I’m now not sure what to do.

[MadeleineMaxwell]

At least he didn't go to Durham.

[Footywife]

You sound a tad controlling tbh

[GiveMeStrengthOrAHobby]

*"Legal"
*
There are no laws in the covid-19 guidelines. They are guidelines.

[Nosurveysneeded]

I also think you need to get a grip OP.

Seriously these 'rules' have turned people into ridiculous over the top prats

[Iwalkinmyclothing]

He’s agreed not to go, but he’s told the friends it’s because of me, which I think is unfair.

If your DH is not going because you have persuaded him not to, what is unfair about him telling his friends that?

[blancheduboiss]

Your “FB bubble would be up in arms?” Jesus, I think that says it all ...

[IncrediblySadToo]

Why is meeting strangers any less risky than meeting friends? It's not

Yes, it is. With strangers you're not speaking to them directly for a prolonged period. You're more likely to sit further away.

People keep demonstrating how few know what 2m looks like.

2m is the minimum required. They have done many tests on the distance heavy droplets fall and how far aerosolised particles travel (clue - a LOT further than 2m). Other countries may have decided to go for shorter distances, so what? - it doesn't make it 'safe'. Comparing ourvrules to theirs is totally ridiculous when our case & death rates far exceed theirs.

@Anonandonandonandon. Your DH is wet, blaming you. He's telling you he has thought about it& agrees with you you, but instead of telling his friends he doesn't think it's a good idea - he's saying 'my mammy won't let me'. Wet wimp.

[Anonandonandonandon]

He's breaking the law, it's his choice. Do you come down hard on him if he does 31 in a 30 area? Do you ever do 31 in a 30 area? Would you be ok with him getting upset with you if you did?

This is funny, because no, I don’t do more than 30 in a 30. It’s a running joke!

No laws? What are the The Health Protection (Coronavirus, Restrictions) (England) Regulations 2020 then?

The controlling stuff is nonsense. DH is laughing at the suggestion!

[SunflowerSeedsForever]

My FB bubble

I probably shouldn't ask- but what is an FB bubble?

[LH1987]

Hi, regardless of whether you agree that he should meet a group or friends or not (TBH, I can see both sides). I agree with him that it would look bad if you are seen out with a friend if he has said he wont meet his. It might look like he was just avoiding them.

[Anonandonandonandon]

Your “FB bubble would be up in arms?” Jesus, I think that says it all ...

As I’ve said, my friends are health care workers. They are seeing this quite differently from the general public at times.

[saraclara]

It would be extremely tactless of you to meet your friend in the same park, at the same time as the friends who are having to do without your DH's company because you persuaded him not to go.

If you must meet your friend (and to be honest, if I'd stopped my DH going out I'd be very uncomfortable about going out myself) the least you could do is show some sensitivity and meet your friend somewhere else. Your husband's POV is entirely understandable.

[Anonandonandonandon]

I probably shouldn't ask- but what is an FB bubble?

I just mean the phenomenon of surrounding yourself with likeminded people, such that your FB becomes a “bubble” where opposing views are rare (either because they are not held or people are reluctant to share them).

[Anonandonandonandon]

FB being Facebook

[Ponoka7]

BubblyBarbara, there's going to be a second and third wave and we need a vaccine before that happens. If the virus doesn't circulate now, we won't have enough healthy people to test it on. Look up Professor Adrian Hill from the Oxford team.

You need to keep upto date with the knowledge and science.

[SusieOwl4]

@IncrediblySadToo

Yes you are correct . If you meet strangers in the park the chances are you won’t converse face to face which is the most risky scenario . So of course there is a reason for the rule .

The whole world is part of a huge experiment and the government are taking small steps on contact whilst also juggling may other balls in the air as well .

The government can not cover every single family demographic or know how strictly they have followed the rules so in some cases I would think some families will use their common sense ( if they have any)

[Ponoka7]

@Anonandonandonandon, are you keeping up on the science and knowledge?

[Anonandonandonandon]

It would be extremely tactless of you to meet your friend in the same park, at the same time as the friends who are having to do without your DH's company because you persuaded him not to go

Not at the same time. We just all have houses overlooking the park.

I’ve arranged to meet my friend elsewhere. I accept that the legal vs illegal distinction is not as clear cut to others as it is me, and might be confusing and therefore potentially upsetting.

[ChristmasFluff]

I am a healthcare worker.

The rules are nonsensical, and always have been. I do not follow rules that make no sense. I have been socially distancing all along - but did I stand in my sister's garden chatting to her at a safe distance right from the start? Yes. Because if it is safe for me to sit right next to a vulnerable person in their residence without PPE, simply because I am a healthcare worker and their residence is a care home, then you betcha I'm gonna chat to my sister in a situation that causes no risk to anyone.

I paid no attention to the PHE guidelines either - I always wore mask, apron and gloves to go within 2m of a resident, and lobbied for that to be brought in across the organisation.

I find people who unquestioningly follow rules just as concerning as those who unthinkingly flout them.

[Anonandonandonandon]

@Anonandonandonandon, are you keeping up on the science and knowledge?

Oh yes. Statistician DH regularly shares his own (private) graphs on the subject with me. They are regularly followed by similar official stats. It’s quite impressive.

[SunshineCake]

Definitely do not go somewhere else to protect your husband from feeling like a put upon husband.

[Chiochan]

Is this a joke?
Why is it ok for you to meet friends in the park but not your husband?
You sound very controlling and the fact you are cross your husband has let his friends know the situation is quite disturbing.

[Anonandonandonandon]

I find people who unquestioningly follow rules just as concerning as those who unthinkingly flout them.

I agree with the rules as they are, for multiple reasons. Maybe it would be better to describe myself as not inclined to take risks unless I can see the clear benefits.

[Anonandonandonandon]

• Is this a joke?
  Why is it ok for you to meet friends in the park but not your husband?*
  
  Oh not again! I thought I’d explained the legal vs illegal distinction.

[TheStoic]

I’ve arranged to meet my friend elsewhere.

Why did you do that? Surely the lowest risk would be to meet in the closest place?