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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be rather surprised at my parents with hindsight?

169 replies

ImaBridKid · 22/05/2020 13:34

In 1990 I was 17 and was knocked off my bike by a motorist. It was low speed collision on a roundabout, I wasn't seriously injured not enough for a hospital appointment. However, I was shaken up with a painful bruised backside and had to have 2 days off work. The lady who knocked me over seemed a decent type, was also shaken up and had to have the day off work due to shock.
What surprises me is this - my parents were both university graduates with 'Top executive' level jobs. My mum was an abusive, alcoholic narcissist and my Dad her enabler.
I'm surprised that neither of them encouraged or helped me to put in a claim for compensation. After all, I was hurt although not really seriously and psychologically shaken up. I didn't know the first thing about claims when I was 17.
Maybe the claims culture wasn't so much a thing in 1990.Any opinions?

OP posts:

SunshineCake · 22/05/2020 15:50

Thirty years later. I'm lost for words. It is irrelevant your parents jobs and personalities but you are obviously hoping that will skew it so we all would say they let you down.

1forsorrow · 22/05/2020 15:53

@Mistlewoeandwhine that sounds a really terrible experience but realistically how could your 14 year old sister have paid you compensation? Or would it have been your parents having to pay?

Supersimkin2 · 22/05/2020 15:53

You got a knock on the head too.

1forsorrow · 22/05/2020 15:57

Why does the world want something for nothing People said that to me, my reply was if I offered them the £3k I got would they deliberately do the same injuries to themselves. Funnily enough no one fancied 3 days vomiting bile because of concussion, or the headaches afterwards.

cultkid · 22/05/2020 15:58

Oh god I thought this post was a joke

TinklyLittleLaugh · 22/05/2020 15:58

My DD was injured in an accident caused by negligent contractors working at her school when she was 7.

I sued them because I was absolutely livid, wanted to make trouble for them and hoped to get them kicked out of working in schools.

I doubt it had much adverse effect on them really. DD found the money handy at uni.

crimsonlake · 22/05/2020 15:59

It was forever ago??
Compensation??

runningjogging · 22/05/2020 15:59

Re the poster who was injured by her sister, if it had been reported to the police you could have claimed under the Criminal Injuries Compensation scheme. IIRC thought the compensation levels are broadly lower than for claims made in relation to road or workplace accidents etc.

crimsonlake · 22/05/2020 16:02

Sometimes I despair at the threads some posters start on mumsnet....just to post something.

caperberries · 22/05/2020 16:03

I remember one a few years ago by an op who was still stewing about the fact that her mother had taken her to a taster day at an independent school decades earlier & then not let her attend, even though she passed the entrance tests. The op seemed to think that this had ruined all her chances in life. It was pretty obvious that her poor dm couldn’t have afforded the fees & had only put her forward in case she won a scholarship or bursary.

ChicCroissant · 22/05/2020 16:07

It is unusual for someone to be looking back 30 years to castigate their parents about something though. You also mention (your parents) drink issues, perhaps something more recent has brought this to mind - in which case focus on the recent incident.

Laiste · 22/05/2020 16:07

I believe late lock down has caused an outbreak of naval gazing.

It's quite fascinating seeing people make threads out of their thought processes lately.

1forsorrow · 22/05/2020 16:09

Re the poster who was injured by her sister, if it had been reported to the police you could have claimed under the Criminal Injuries Compensation scheme I don't think there is a time limit so OP could report her sister to the police now. I suppose it depends on their relationship now if it would be worth it.

1forsorrow · 22/05/2020 16:10

Sorry ti wasn't the OP it was the person injured by 14 yr old sister.

Tootletum · 22/05/2020 16:13

Why would you claim for that? It's not free money. We all pay for it with much higher premiums.

Missillusioned · 22/05/2020 16:13

You wouldn't have needed a solicitor, you could have claimed against her car insurance just by contacting them. But without injury you would have got very little. Although you might have got a new bike if that was damaged, as that's a more tangible loss. Many people would have tried to claim for a new bike I would have thought.

Original poster

ImaBridKid · 22/05/2020 16:15

Thanks Missillusioned my bike was never quite the same after that

OP posts:

maddening · 22/05/2020 16:16

I the 70s my mum was knocked over at 19 by a car and was severely injured and was in a coma, during which her narcissistic abusive mother accepted compensation from the driver and kept the money for herself!

1forsorrow · 22/05/2020 16:19

@maddening money does strange things to people doesn't it, hard to imagine how a parent could do that.

LonginesPrime · 22/05/2020 16:19

What surprises me is this - my parents were both university graduates with 'Top executive' level jobs. My mum was an abusive, alcoholic narcissist and my Dad her enabler.
I'm surprised that neither of them encouraged or helped me to put in a claim for compensation

Aside from the obvious point that PI claims were only for serious injuries back then, it's bizarre that you think the characteristics you've described about your parents would make it surprising that they didn't encourage you to make a claim.

It sounds like they had their own issues going on anyway, so no, it's not surprising. It also sounds like you're angry at them for heaps of other stuff and are using the accident a tangible way to blame them for missed opportunities.

I don't know whether you're seeing a therapist, OP, but it sounds like this compensation claim is a red herring and that you need to talk to someone about how your parents' lifestyles and choices have affected you. You can't change the past, but it's helpful to talk about that stuff and make peace with it nonetheless.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 22/05/2020 16:22

Claiming compensation probably didn't cross your parents' minds because you only had a bruised bottom.

I agree the compensation culture probably wasn't prevalent 30 years ago. However, even now, if I had an accident and bruised my bottom and only needed two days off work, I wouldn't make a compensation claim anyway.

Your parents definitely didn't do anything wrong in such an instance.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 22/05/2020 16:26

If you were 17 in 1990, that makes you 47 now. Old enough to know better about compensation claims.

On the other hand, you are never too old for counselling if you think you need it. If this is really about your relationship with your parents, it might be worth considering if it could help.

Leaannb · 22/05/2020 16:56

#JasonPollack....It still is a very much part of American Culture. Ambulance chasers make a very good loving in the states

larajeancovey · 22/05/2020 16:56

LOL

LunaLula83 · 22/05/2020 16:59

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