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AIBU?

to feel sensitive about this?

73 replies

newy · 18/09/2007 12:48

Hello all. A family member has just had a baby and the email that was sent by her mother was along the lines of 'she only had gas and air and no stitches - I'm sure all you ladies will appreciate how significant this is' it has also been hailed as 'a real achievement' and new mum said it was because she did all her exercises. I had a baby a couple of months ago and ended up with ventouse delivery and lots of stitches. Feel like I am being told she has done better than me.
Wasn't bothered about my birth before but now feel a bit of a failure.
Would like to say my baby was 2.5lb heavier.
Also worried this is the start of competitiveness re the babies.

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DeedeePickles · 19/09/2007 16:08

I've heard fanny like a clown's pocket

DeedeePickles · 19/09/2007 16:09

Don't know what's happening with those funny arrow thingies...

geekgirl · 19/09/2007 16:12

oh man, wouldn't you be mortified if your mother was broadcasting the state of your perineum to everyone in her address book?

(can I just say though that I didn't tear with any of mine rainging from 9.5 lbs to 10 - I certainly don't have a bucket fanny, thankyouverymuch - didn't do any 'exercises' either , I dare say it's sheer luck (as an aside - what could you do, anyway? Engage in fisting ?))

SpawnChorus · 19/09/2007 16:15

geekgirl - lololol so true

newy · 19/09/2007 16:21

geekgirl, I think this seems to be the norm when you've had a baby. My parents go to a social club and one of the other couples had a new gd and I know ALL about her birth/bits&bobs/bfsore boobs/teary moments etc (I've never met the woman) so I'm really nervous that all my details are doing the rounds too
I really hate it when relatives ask (especially the male ones) see comment re my dad.

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BellaMummy · 19/09/2007 16:23

LOL at Pickles!! Clowns have always creeped me out, so I'll just think of that next time!

YANBU, but just remember who sent the message - she is just boasting as all Mums do. And I suppose it is an achievement, but we women are our own worst enemies sometimes by buying in to any of the competitive birthing/parenting etc. I only had gas and air (which my hubby brags about)for pain relief, but my labour was short and dd was only 5lbs 12. I still needed ventouse and episiotomy to get dd out in the end as the cord was around her neck. At the end of it I had a very healthy bouncing dd and that is the main thing....although I could have done without the episiotomy

Don't feel a failure at all newy, and I'm sure the relative who sent the message didn't intend to take a dig at you.

Had to laugh at the bit about that new mum doing her 'exercises'....[hmmm]exercises shmexercises I say.

BellaMummy · 19/09/2007 16:25

chuff like a wizard's sleeve
fanny like a clown's pocket

you learn something new on MN every day!

DeedeePickles · 19/09/2007 16:43

Exactly... exercise shmexercise...

She does a little bit of wee when she bounces on a trampoline like the rest of us.

It's not just me, is it?

BellaMummy · 19/09/2007 16:48

Definitely not just you, although haven't admitted it to anyone yet. I still have hairy moments after I sneeze or cough sometimes - especially if I have had a second cup of coffee. Am hoping if I ignore it, it will go away!

Elasticwoman · 19/09/2007 16:56

TMI on the part of the proud grandmother. Understandable in a way, but bragging and insensitive. A natural birth is both an achievement AND a matter of luck. Sometimes, with all the exercising and right attitude in the world, it just ain't gonna happen.

Re your birth though - look out, because a friend of mine had a first birth like that after many hours labour - and the next time (2 years later) her baby popped out after 45 mins labour and she barely had time to get her tights off, never mind get to hospital!

ps Take it from Elasticwoman - size of baby and ease of birth have a lot less in common than you might suppose.

Spidermama · 19/09/2007 16:57

What a typical, English sentiment. No-one is allowed to be pleased or proud about anything here without being accused of being smug. I never cease to be amazed at this attitude. People should stop using their own insecurities as an excuse to dislike others.

Next time you're proud of your children, remember not to let anyone know just in case they feel inferior.

DeedeePickles · 19/09/2007 16:57

Definitely advisable to remove the tights.

DeedeePickles · 19/09/2007 17:03

Can I be terribly unEnglish then and state, for the record, that I am incredibly proud of my children.

I grew them from seed you know, with minimal help from others.

newy · 19/09/2007 17:37

I think getting any baby out is an achievement, however you do it. Everyone is proud of their children and this is only natural and I don't think anyone is suggesting otherwise.
Don't think there is anything wrong with being english as wouldn't want to be the type of person who goes on about how great they are all the time.

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Elasticwoman · 19/09/2007 18:40

Lol Ddpickles. Anything I grow from seed dies a sad and lonely death.

DeedeePickles · 19/09/2007 19:31

Forget them, Newy. Get yourself a bar of G&B (butterscotch) and a glass of wine (don't go very well, but what the hell?) and enjoy.

hertsnessex · 20/09/2007 14:44

Newy,

Im well, guessed it was you when i read your profile and then saw pic of gorgeous S.

may i just add re your birth............you done fantastically.

as for the scan - hmmm, sounds like a load of old *t to me, if you do have another, id def ask more about this.

re the first six months.............sometimes hard work, but all very rewarding when you see you little one smile!.....go on, you know you want to!!!!

pinkyminky · 20/09/2007 20:23

Oh Newey
I know exactly how you feel. After my first, which was an emercgency c section, my MIL and SIL had the nerve to make the too posh to push comment. Really unpleasant and ignorant.

After my second (planned c section) a 'friend' proceeded to tell me about her friend who had completely natural births and how this proved she was a natural mother.

I was very hurt by all this, but have to remind myself that some people talk complete bollocks a lot of the time, and really do not fully engage their brains before they speak/email.

Just wait for the is he/she walking yet? no oh well mine were running at three months blah blah blah...it is never-ending
you see I'm all upset now because my babies have quite small heads

tori32 · 20/09/2007 20:31

Its understandable but I think you might be a bit oversensitive. She probably didn't mean it as a comparison against you, only that she did well with the birth. Try not to blow this out of proportion the birth is only the start of being a mother.

pinkyminky · 20/09/2007 21:04

Quite true- other people's bragging is not necessarily intended as a direct comparison with you, but it is only human to take things that way sometimes, especially if it's something you're sensitive about.
The thing is, the type of birth, and lots of developmental things with babies are pretty much in the lap of the gods. I could have done all the exercises in the world and my baby would not have been born naturally. Now does the nature of my physiology mean that I am not naturally disposed toward motherhood? What a can of worms to open! I think people really don't think that deeply about what they are saying sometimes, she probably was just being a proud grannie- maybe her own birth experiences were not so straightforward.

PSCMUM · 20/09/2007 21:18

o ffs what a load of bollocks., its not a fucking competition and it is completely outside of your control. how silly. at least it was the mum who sent the email, not the one who had the baby - - perhaps this is just proud grandma overload and she'll tone it down a bit when her duaghter gets really embarassed and tells her to stop!

newy · 21/09/2007 11:07

Pinkyminky, at least your babies can wear hats that aren't two sizes too big!!
I think its great if mums get the birth they want, whatever that may be, but it doesn't always work out that way. I had an epidural down as 'backup'. Did I have one? Hell yes!

Granny used to work on a gynae ward so should know better, but hey guess she is doing the proud granny thing (I'm sure my mum is just as bad)

The little fella is paying his way now as has landed a job with NASA...

Might pop out another 6 whilst squatting in a cave - that'll show em!

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pinkyminky · 22/09/2007 11:24

That is true, Newy!

However big they are, they all grow up too fast, I'm off to buy my little baby her first shoes today,I can't believe she's so grown up already.
Make sure you enjoy every moment and don't get caught up in the competitive development nonsense.

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