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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated to receive a card from MIL

120 replies

MilkMonitor · 17/09/2007 16:56

signed love from Mummy and Daddy when it's addressed to me, my sons and my DH? I find it presumptious especially when she refers to my DC as her babies?

OP posts:
TellusMater · 17/09/2007 17:16

How should she have signed it though?

OrmIrian · 17/09/2007 17:16

Good question tellus?

WinkyWinkola · 17/09/2007 17:18

Why not just Grandma and Grandpa? Or names? That would make the most sense. That's what my mum does, anyway. Grandma if the card is to all of us because the kids like to get cards from her and it's just simpler that way.

francagoestohollywood · 17/09/2007 17:21

Well, my mil calls dc her babies. Why not? They are her babies too in a way.

kslatts · 17/09/2007 17:21

I think YABU

tortoiseSHELL · 17/09/2007 17:22

I don't think it's tragic. I still call my Dad Daddy, because that's what he wants to be called. As do my cousins - they call their parents Mummy and Daddy. Not tragic or a turn off. There are far worse things to be called.

Alas, I never got to be called Mummy for very long - Ds1 decided at age 2 to go for MUUUUUUM, and dd never used Mummy at all.

Seriously, I really wouldn't worry about it. Put your energies into building a good relationship with your MIL.

TellusMater · 17/09/2007 17:25

But she isn't your Grandma either - or your DH's. Why is that better than Mum? And I would find it much odder to get a card for the whole family from my mum signed with her name than from MIL signed 'Mum'.

It's all about the ishoos...

NAB3 · 17/09/2007 17:34

My MIL signs Mum/Nanny when she writes to all of us.

hertsnessex · 17/09/2007 17:48

bit strange to be using mummy and daddy, but if she does it all the time, then thats just normal for her. either way i wouldnt make a big deal of it.

i never call my parents mummy and daddy - they would want to know what i want if i called them that, very babyish for our family, but everyone does it differently, and there is no right or wrong.

MaryAnnSingleton · 17/09/2007 17:58

agree with you tortoiseShell

ItsGrimUpNorth · 17/09/2007 18:22

Oooh, no. That's weird. It'd be like my dad signing a card to us 'love from Uncle Peter'. He's not my uncle.

Clearly ishoos there as someone's already stated. Perhaps the MIL has been treading on the OPs toes in the past hence the sensitivity?

And my baby is MY baby! Nobody elses! I didn't puke for 9 months and then go through labour for someone else to have the priviledge of calling her 'their' baby! Call me possessive!

emj23 · 17/09/2007 18:28

I'd find it weird too. When I first met DP's parents they said I could call them Mum and Dad but I would've found it way too cringy and awkward. It's the same thing really, if you aren't related to them in that way, why would they address the card as such? Bizarre.

TellusMater · 17/09/2007 18:31

But the card is also to their son...

fireflyfairy2 · 17/09/2007 18:36

We get Xmas cards from IL's signed from mum & dad. Mine sign from mammy & daddy. Obviously if they they are birthday cards, dh's says mum & dad but mine say their first names. Same as my parents.

If she emails me & if she has been asking about the children, ie: give them my love, she always signs off with Love from Annnie/Nanny.

It would be far worse if they didn't bother with cards

newgirl · 17/09/2007 18:36

twee but probably meant well

SenoraPostrophe · 17/09/2007 18:37

yabu

Vikkin · 17/09/2007 18:43

When the card (Xmas, wedding anniv) is to both my DP and myself, it's signed Mum.
When it's just to me (B'day) it's signed with her first name.
I made it clear very early on that I was not comfortable calling anyone else Mum.
Cards FROM us will be addressed to Mum or Grandma (I never seem to send a card just from me, if I did I would address it by her first name).
My sister calls her MIL 'Mum'. To be honest, I don't like it and I suspect she feels uncomfortable everytime she says it.

Original poster
MilkMonitor · 17/09/2007 18:49

Well, yes, Tellusmater, it is addressed to my DH, their son but he's one of four therefore the minority. I'm just uncomfortable with my MIL signing off to me and my kids as 'mummy'. I'm their mummy, right?

OP posts:
Lorayn · 17/09/2007 18:49

Should she have bought three cards so they could be addressed correctly?? I think it is perfectly normal tbh.

WinkyWinkola · 17/09/2007 18:50

Not normal at all where I come from! YANBU

TellusMater · 17/09/2007 18:51

Yes, you are. And she is your DH's.

How would you prefer it to be signed?

Original poster
MilkMonitor · 17/09/2007 18:54

If it's just to DH, then mummy is for him. Although it's not very manly!

And then for all of us, from her name / grandma. That's appropriate, I think. I get tired of her trying to play mummy to my DSs.

OP posts:
Piggy · 17/09/2007 18:56

My MIL always used to write "from Granny/Mummy/Margaret" on everything she wrote as if we needed reminding what her relationship was to each of us.

Lorayn · 17/09/2007 18:57

if I got a card from dp's parents I would find it very strange to read 'from mum,dad/nan,grandad/caroline,micheal'

I think you have deeper issues re your mother-in-law than just the way a card is addressed (which may be totally reasonable, but I think this one is just a bit silly personally)

ItsGrimUpNorth · 17/09/2007 18:59

Well, deeper issues are pretty obvious here. Maybe the card is indicative of those?

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