Do I tell my friend what I think of her once and for all?

[Witchofzog]

I was friends with "Naomi" for years when we worked together. We were very close for a long time and would confide in each other about our problems too

I let her move in with me to escape an abusive relationship despite me being heavily pregnant and working 7 days a week. She proceeded to bring men back in the night and woke me up to tell me and again when she wanted dp at the time to get rid of them. She started seeing him again and lied to me about it. Eventually moving away with him and bringing his friends to my home to lie about where she was going. I forgave her.

I lent her a large sum of money when she was skint. I got it back in dribs n drabs.

She came to stay with me. Dp at the time drove 200 miles each way to pick her up and drop her off. She slept all the way back, didn't pay petrol and jumped out when she realised she was outside her local pub without a thanks.

Something really bad happenned to me years ago. I tried to confide in her and she told me she had her own stuff going on and couldn't speak to me about it.

The last time I saw her I stayed with her. I got up with her ds during the night as it was her birthday and took him out for an hour or so in the afternoon so she could get a peaceful bath. On the last night she turned on me out of the blue because she was tired. Told me I was gutless for not leaving my sometimes unhappy relationship and told me I was emotionally draining. I ended up leaving at 10pm with my suitcase. Phoned a friend who convinced me to go back until morning but she had locked me out and my friend came 150 miles to get me.

She apologised profusely the next day but I told her I needed distance from her and that was the end of it though she
remained on social media.

So yesterday I saw a post from Caroline Flack about how she confided in a friend who told her she was draining. And I was furious. For Caroline and for me. And Naomi has posted on Facebook about praising your friends and being fucking kind to each other. Yet she was so shitty to me and I have never confided in anyone since this for fear of being draining, and have had to deal with my mental health alone.. I was going to send her a link to Caroline' s post and tell her she is a hypocrite and what she has done to me with her careless words all because she was "tired" and then delete her. But deep down I know this probably isn't a good idea and I should just delete her and leave it at that.

So talk me out of this or talk me into it. I don't know what I want to hear. But I am so angry at her today even though this happenned years ago.

[Daftodil]

Good luck OP. I hope that talking things through with a professional helps you process things 💐

[Witchofzog]

Some very wise advice on here. I think that's why I posted as deep down I knew it wasn't a good idea to contact her really

[Rose789]

That must have been so hurtful to you, and I’m sorry that a so called friend treated you like that.
You deserve to be able to talk and to share things without being worried you are being ‘draining’ It is very hard to try to tell someone what is going on/ what has happened to be shot down and it naturally makes you wary of opening up again.
I would be so tempted to call her out on her behaviour- publically. The thing is though she won’t just go oh god I’ve been awful and change. She will make herself the victim in all of this.
Block and move on, you are a bigger and better person then she is.

[Winterlife]

Naomi likely doesn’t care about the impact she’s had on you. So, telling her is futile.

As others have suggested, delete her on social media and block her everywhere. Don’t answer if she ever manages to get through the blocks.

[NotALurker2]

I would not want to waste my time one way or the other with this "friend." She is not stable. What do you see in her? Forget about her, OP. A friend would never call you "draining." This woman Naomi doesn't seem to be in a position to give you an honest assessment of who you are or what you are like, given her past behavior, so I wouldn't consider yourself "draining" based on her comment, but I"m sorry you had to hear that and have carried it around with you all these years. I'm sure you're not "draining" to a normal person.

[CilantroChili]

Do a mental Marie Kondo on her.

Embrace whatever good memories you have of her, & give thanks.

Then block & delete.

[BlueBolts]

She'd probably be totally oblivious to what you are on about even if you did point out her terrible behaviour and then you would've got yourself all wound up for nothing. Block and let go. Be glad you have
one good friend. That's all you need.

[redcarbluecar]

Don’t send her the link; it won’t achieve anything. From what you’ve said she was/is a self-absorbed person - not someone you were able to confide in (you learned that lesson) and not someone you now need in your life or your head. Hope you have other supportive people in your life and can move on.

[Witchofzog]

I think you are right Daftodil. This is something I hope to pursue this year with a professional. I know it isn't healthy to not talk to anyone

[expat101]

Don't expose yourself to any more of her posts or comments, get her off your social media pronto. This is only causing you further distress, not healing...

[Daftodil]

I have carried the weight of what I went through alone since. I don't talk about any problems to anyone anymore.

Do you think you might benefit from talking to someone about your feelings? GP? Counselling? DP? Friend(s)? Family? Samaritans? Perhaps the reason this is getting to you emotionally is because you haven't processed things properly yet and need to find an outlet.

[Toomuchtrouble4me]

I couldn't even be bothered to read all of that as obviously she's not worthy of any attention as a friend.

[EmeraldShamrock]

Blank her block her. If she hasn't realised how much she hurt you then she still won't now.
Learn to trust again, she was a right wagon, you're well rid, put it down to experience but don't give up on trusting a real friend in the future.

[LinoVentura]

I let her move in with me to escape an abusive relationship despite me being heavily pregnant and working 7 days a week. She proceeded to bring men back in the night and woke me up to tell me and again when she wanted dp at the time to get rid of them.

In retrospect that was time to get rid of her or at the least to give her one more chance whilst making mental preparations to remove her completely from your life. Better late than never.

[QueenOfOversharing]

I blocked & deleted a "friend" recently - I desperately wanted to tell her why, but another friend said "don't get in the ring with her" and it was the best advice.

She's toxic - leave her to ruin other ppl's lives.

[Thinkingabout1t]

Delete her from all your social media and thank god she isn't in your real life any more! Not surprised your blood boiled when you read her hypocritical cant. She was a lousy "friend" but that's all in the past.

[Lucifer666]

OP I can understand how you feel. I recently ended a 15 year friendship because ex friend was a toxic bitch. I deleted and blocked her from everything phone, text's and social media. She was a selfish fake like your "friend" they want everyone to think they're this nice supportive fun person when in actual fact they're like bottomless pits who just use, abuse and take they dress it up like they're going through some hard times and this is why they take it out on their friends like that's an excuse for behaving like a selfish twat. The thing with these people is everyone eventually sees straight through them for what they are. Just delete and move on. If she has the nerve to get in touch over that then by all means let rip if it'll make you feel better then block from your phone and everything else and stick with the lovely friend who drove 150 miles to come get you in the early hours now that's a true friend and a friendship you want to keep. Trust me op delete, block and move on its a great feeling knowing you won't see or hear their bullshit anymore

[Witchofzog]

I am definitely not perfect. Who is? And I definitely value my other friend who I am still close to today. I just wanted Naomi to know the impact what she said has had on me. I have carried the weight of what I went through alone since. I don't talk about any problems to anyone anymore. But I know it's not wise to open the can of worms and I am going to take the advice of every one on here to leave well alone

[AlunWynsKnee]

Don't message her, it's a wasted emotion. Maybe use that emotion to say thanks again to the friend who came and got you. Do something positive.

[Greenandpleasanter]

I'd delete her too. And not engage if she tries to contact you the next time she's down on her luck. Also write a letter to her getting down all your feelings and then throw it in the bin or burn it. It's very therapeutic.

[ThisIsBigMoon]

Oh my goodness. Get her out of your life and do not look back. You are worth more than this.

[Witchofzog]

We haven't seen each other in years. I don't know why I really kept her on social media. I guess probably because deleting her would mean the friendship was definitely over. But it was over years ago anyway. I told her a year or so before the fall out that I felt our friendship was one sided and that I felt it would be best to leave it behind but she was so sorry that I believed in her.

[Daftodil]

We can all be selfish, we can all be shitty friends, we can all get too caught up in our own crap. Unless you are 100% perfect all of the time, I don't see the point of contacting someone you haven't seen in ages just to tell them you think they are a shit person. How is that any better than her telling you you're draining?

Ps. I hope you appreciate the friend that drove 150 miles at 2am to collect you. Be grateful for people like that in your life and forget about the ones that treat you badly.

[Russellbrandshair]

Girl, no. Let this go. Your “friend” is a horrible horrible person but don’t waste any more negative energy on this twat. Delete her, block her and move on with your own life. Don’t dwell on her, she’s really not worth the spike in cortisol thats happening every time you see her stupid Facebook profile. The best revenge is a successful life so cut the cord and fly free from this weighty piece of garbage.

[Icecreamdiva]

It’s a strange anomaly that it’s normally the most unkind, judgy, bitchy people who post the ‘be kind’ stuff on SM.

I agree with PP, I think you are better off without her in your life. I’d block her and forget her. Try and make it so she can’t contact you because I’m sure she will try to get back in touch when she wants to use you again.