AIBU to be upset my sister deliberately regifted me a present I gave her?!

[SweetSmellingAlstroemeria]

I opened a birthday card and present from my sister today to find she has regifted me a pair of earrings I gave to her over a year ago. It's not an accident as she wrote in her card "I know you'll like one of your presents as you told me so & you were right they're not really my style. Can you guess yet?". The other present was some bath oil (I rarely take baths but unlike her I would be too polite to tell her this, and I'm sure I'll use it up over time). We have never had a discussion about her not liking the earrings. They were part of a Christmas present in 2018 so all I can think is perhaps when I gave them to her I joked that if she didn't like them then I'd have them, although I have no memory of this. I'm not upset she didn't like them, just that she has regifted them to me. If she had told me she didn't like them at the time then I would have happily offered to get her something else instead. Surely she could have re-gifted them to someone else or given to a charity shop rather than giving them back to me? She has a good job and is financially comfortable so money isn't an issue. She can be quite blunt whereas I admit I'm quite sensitive, but AIBU to be hurt and annoyed by what she did? She's bound to roll her eyes and say I'm being overly sensitive if I say anything but I cannot understand how anyone thinks this is a nice thing to do to someone on their birthday!

[DangerMouse17]

What a horrid sister!

[TheYearOfTheDog]

Do you like the earrings though!?

I'd wear them.

Regift the bath oil though.

[Thestrangestthing]

Regift her the bath oil on her birthday.

[Inappropriatefemale]

Cheeky sister!

[Girlking]

How disrespectful. That is just wrong. Even if she didn’t like them how dare she give them back to you for your birthday. Shabby

[Skittlesandbeer]

I’ve always said a good present needed 2 out of three of these:

Effort
Expense
Imagination.

A great present has all 3!

Her regifting showed less than 0 effort, she used YOUR effort instead of her own! It’s the effort thing that hurts.

I’d be hard-pressed not to say ‘hmmm however did you find the time to organise it?!!’

[daisychain01]

It was weird, tight and unnecessarily spiteful to do that to you on your birthday. I wouldn't be impressed.

Had you done something to upset her and she's deliberately being passive aggressive? I can't imagine someone doing a stunt like that and thinking you'd be happy.

[daisychain01]

I would just ignore her birthday until she can show some respect. You don't need people like that in your life.

[Herpesfreesince03]

When you say you don’t remember saying that, do you mean you never said it or there is a chance you don’t remember? I hate waste and I have no problem with being regifted with my own gifts if they haven’t been used by family (who better to take the gift that the one who bought it). If it’s only happened the once and the earrings were expensive then don’t make a fuss about it

[GetKnitted]

Somewhere on mumsnet there is another thread: "My sister gave me earrings for my birthday. She then immediately started angling for me to give them back to her, telling me that they are more her style than mine. She's actually right, they are definitely not my style, so I don't get why she bought them for me. I don't want to just give them straight back because then its as if she hasn't given me a present at all, but WIBU to give them to her for her birthday, she clearly likes them and knows I don't.

[KenDoddsDogsDadsDead]

It does seem quite practical and efficient. She doesn't like them. You do. She could ditch them and buy you something else, but then you might not like that thing, and that's two things wasted. This way nothing is wasted.

But apart from romantic stuff, or situations where I see something that I know would be perfect for someone I know, I don't like proper present giving. I'd always rather give and receive consumable food, booze or cash.

[Yeahnah2020]

That is extremely rude.

[SweetSmellingAlstroemeria]

@herpesfreesince03 I don't think I ever said anything, but it was over a year ago so I was just acknowledging that my memory isn't fresh . However the comment in the card is worded like we talked about her not liking the earrings, but we definitely never had that conversation as if we had then I would have offered to get something else and sorted it by now.

[seltaeb]

My suggestion would be that you both stop wasting money on gifts that may not be liked by the other party. Make a donation to charity instead.

[Inappropriatefemale]

...or instead of donating to a charity for a family members birthday then buy them something they like.

[AllOuttaIdeas]

Incredibly rude... and I speak as someone who's had exactly the same happen to me! It was definitely meant as a passive aggressive gesture in my case as I forgot to ask my relative for her birthday 'list' and went off piste to buy her something that I just thought she would like. But in your case, your sister just sounds like she's a bit thoughtless (from her note)..

[cybergran]

i saw a book on chicken husbandry once and have always regretted not buying it and giving it to my sister as a gift.

i envy people who have nice sisters....

i would just say thank you for the earrings and wear them... make sure everyone knows she gave them to you as a gift and ask their opinion.. of course people are going to say how lovely they are... make her feel shamed by her lack of appreciation of you but don't reduce yourself to the same...

[CSIblonde]

That's a bit tight. I wouldn't buy her stuff like jewellery any more as you've obv got very different taste. Get her something bland that anyone would like, house stuff like a large potted orchid or candles.

[SweetSmellingAlstroemeria]

daisychain01 nothing major I can think of. To be honest it's been a rough couple of months as had an ectopic pregnancy and thought she might make a bit more of an effort. I always ask her what she wants for Christmas or her Birthday but if she can't think of anything then I choose something. If I'm buying a gift for someone then I try to get something they will like, but obviously the earrings didn't hit the mark. To be honest she's not a very thoughtful person and has forgotten my birthday before, or sent a card/present late. I imagine she just found them in her drawer and thought they'll do. She has a big birthday this year so was planning on pushing the boat out on a nice present but this has put me off!

[MyuMe]

I wouldn't get her anything for her birthday.

Technically she didn't get you anything for yours. She didn't buy the earrings...you did.

Bath oil isn't expensive and you don't have to get her something back now she only bought you bath oil.

[SweetSmellingAlstroemeria]

@daisychain01 sorry didn't tag you correctly above!

[LemonPrism]

I'd find this really rude tbh and I'm not at all sensitive

[Inappropriatefemale]

Yeah I’m with pp, no pressie for her from you, she doesn’t deserve it.

[messolini9]

Turn it into a sisterly joke and regift them back on her birthday.

@Frenchw1fe, you remind me of a tale of a family, where a brother gave his sibling a tea tray - may have been a wedding present, but (I am sorry not to be a v good storyteller here) there was some 'in joke' about the tray, all good natured, & it ventually got regifted back to the brother.
Various high jinks ensued, with the tray being gifted around the extended family in increasingly inventive ways - it became a running joke who would be the fool to unwittingly get lumbered with the fabled tea tray ...
Eventually the family booked a long haul holiday en masse.
Arriving a night, they ate & went to bed, & in the morning the biggest prankster opened his curtains, eager for a view of the cityscape. Taped to his window was the tea tray :)

OP might relieve her hurt feelings if she took up a similar level of prankery ... but more seriously OP - rather than feel hurt, try to look on it as just a difference in outlook about the importance of gift-giving.

[WalkingWithTheBuffalo]

It's a bit weird that she gave them to you as a present. I'd have just given them to you. On the other hand I just gave my sister some great earrings for Christmas and if she'd give them back to me I'd be delighted.