Welfare check

[Louigoo]

Hi,
I posted the other day about my 3 year old little boy who was taken into hospital with severe constipation and that I had to “unblock him” at home which would take a build up of laxatives and other medicines. My advice was asking if I should send him to nursery as they seemed to think I was being stupid keeping him off.

Fast forward 3 days later- I have kept him off. I took in the hospital letter and explained again everything what was going on and once I reduced the levels of laxatives he would be back.
I have just getting a phone call from the nursery saying there is a guy coming out to do a welfare check on him and explained with everything in the press about kids being abused this is something they have to do. Which I totally get and I have no issue with my son being checked but I’m just wondering if this is standard procedure?

I’m quite an anxious person and tend to over think everything and I get the impression they seem to think I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill with comments such as “everyone goes to the loo, it’s life” “nursery is the best place for him and we can do exactly what you’re doing at home”.
And because I’ve refused to have my son be uncomfortable they are sending someone out. I just feel a bit hounded.

[CaptainCallisto]

• 2014, sorry - typo!

[mankyfourthtoe]

@CaptainCallisto was it purely funded hours, or hours you paid for normally.

[CaptainCallisto]

Purely funded. It was a nursery attached to the school and he only went for his free 15 hours (because we couldn't afford any more). The way they explained it to me was that there was x-amount of leeway per child, and we had exceeded it so had to pay. I can't remember now whether we had to pay for the full six weeks or just the hours beyond their cut off point, but it came to quite a bit and we just didn't have it. We had to borrow from PIL to pay it.

[mankyfourthtoe]

Oo I did not know that, I wouldn't have expected you to pay anything

[CoffeeTeaChocolate]

OP, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It is incredibly stressful to feel that you somehow are being accused of being a bad mother.

It does sound like a combination of too much time (not busy welfare people) and nursery policies. If he comes back, do try to explain how bad it is. My DS has really bad, infected molluscum. The GP said “don’t worry, this is quite normal (until he saw them at which point he immediately wrote a dermatology referral) and I got called in for taking him out of swimming. Luckily they were so gross that the sports teacher took one look and excused him for the term.

Long winded point, but I think there are a lot of oversensitive parents out there and they are used to “really bad” being completely normal. As constipation cannot “be shown” you may have to get extremely TMI with the guy....!

[Louigoo]

Hi guys!
So I’ve had my little boy back to the doctors as he was quite bunged up again after trying to wean him off his meds. Had to double original dose as the blockage hasn’t gone. This means he hasn’t been back to nursery, got advice re this off both GP and constipation nursery to say that it was advised he stay off nursery as we didn’t want him to try keeping his poo in (sorry tmi).
I’ve rang nursery and they have hounded me every day since his last visit asking when he’s going to be back and has now just left a voicemail saying he needs to come out and do a physical welfare check on my son to make sure he’s ok.

I know I probably sound dramatic but this is really getting to me now. Having my son go through this is bad enough, but to constantly have the nursery on my case each and every day is making me feel even more anxious and as though I’m doing something wrong.

I rang him after I had taken him to the doctors, passed the doctors number on and said he could ring as it would probably sound better coming from him in explaining my sons condition and why he needs to be at home.

This nursery (it is attached to a school) is the only one in my area so I don’t really want to pull him out. Any more advice? I don’t know what I’m expecting I just needed somewhere to vent xx

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Personally if it was me I’d arrange a meeting with the head of the nursery - to show I’m not blase about nursery there is an actual medical issue

[Beccaishere]

I would be seeing the manger of the nursery and explaining your sons problem again and that this will be the last time you are willing to discuss it with them or a welfare officer as you need to concentrate on your son without everyone else piling pressure on and that you will take it higher and make a complaint yourself about being harassed if they continue to hound you. You have given them the courtesy and let them assess once there is no need for anymore.

[Sotiredofthislife]

For those saying nursery isn’t compulsory, if a child who had previously attended regularly suddenly stopped attending and 3 weeks later was found murdered by his parents, would you have expected the nursery to have checked on said child or not? Because I am pretty sure such an instance would be considered a major safeguarding failure. Or are you suggesting children not yet in compulsory education are never abused?

[intermittentfasting]

@Sotiredofthislife but that's clearly not what is happening here. Op had letters from the hospital/doctors and has been in contact with the nursery.

[intermittentfasting]

Op is write them an email saying you understand they have a duty of care to your son but as you have been in contact with them regarding your sons condition and you're keeping him off at your GPs advice, you consider the matter closed and you won't be accepting any more welfare visits.

[intermittentfasting]

Also anyone that knows anything about small children would know that being at home with a loving parent is better for a child than nursery when they're under the weather.

[SoreAndFedUpToday]

Sooo weird!!

Nursery is a childcare facility. It's not shool.

If you don't need or want the childcare on 1 day, or 5 days, or 2 weeks, surely that's up to you? Yes there maybe a payment issue re: the free hours etc... if it drags on, or an issue of needing to offer the place to someone else. By for a welfare check? ... So odd.

[Hennysmommy]

If you sent your son in to the school nursery and he shit loads and loads they would be phoning you to come pick him up and take him home to clean him. Some school nurseries refuse to change nappies or soiled pants. So what's the point in sending him in if they are just going to phone you to pick him up? And if hes on so much meds why upset him just for a few hours at nursery?
My son had a poorly tummy a while back (he has digestive probs) and the school hounded us about him returning to school. I sent him in knowing full well he would be shitting all day..I let them deal with it and when they phoned me to ask me to come get him when it got to much I gave them the "I told you so" speech and continued my shopping
OP do what you think is best for your DC not what the nursery want. You have evidence to support his absence and you should refuse the welfare check. Once those ppl get in your door it won't be the last you hear of them.

[Pinkflipflop85]

The op has stated that it is a school nursery, so it isn't just 'childcare'.

[Louigoo]

Thank you for your replies! I think I am going to complain.
Also to a pp, I know they are doing their job. But surely once is enough when I have backed it up with medical evidence. They don’t need to constantly hound me when they know the situation. Fair enough if I was just keeping him off without any reason, but in this case I’m not.

[Sotiredofthislife]

@Sotiredofthislife but that's clearly not what is happening here. Op had letters from the hospital/doctors and has been in contact with the nursery

It’s a school nursery. It will have procedures to follow. You think abusive parents don’t get doctor’s notes or always go out of contact with the authorities? Whilst I agree it sounds like overkill, and somewhat job’s worth, what is the alternative? Children who miss a lot of school sometimes require help. Better a child doesn’t fall through the net than does.

Personally, I would accept the visit and move on from there. The OP has nothing to hide so what’s the problem?

[WellButterMyArse]

The problem is that they're overstepping. Even if you think the welfare visits are legit, them presenting it as non optional is a problem.

I'd ask for a meeting with the nursery head OP, this isn't acceptable.

[Louigoo]

I have accepted the visit. I have no issues coming in and “checking my son”. The issue is, is that they are hounding me everyday. It wouldn’t actually be so bad if they seemed concerned about my son, but they are ringing and asking “when is x coming back to nursery as we’ve noticed he isn’t in again” not is he ok, even though I ring them on a daily basis to inform them of his

I get that they are abused kids and I get they have a job to do, but he has already been out and said he had no concerns whatsoever. To keep calling and visiting is making me feel like I’m doing something wrong and instead of focusing on my little boy getting better I’m having to battle with the nursery everyday.