For her to judge the way I spend my money?

[TheMessyCleaner]

Today I've been cleaning to earn some extra money alongside my day job. My friend is a single mum, same as me, with various income streams, none declared. She gets housing benefit, universal credit and free hours for her son at nursery. I am a home owner so I don't get anything and on a whopping £20,000 a year I don't get free nursery hours for my son.
I've never said that she should work. I've kept my mouth shut when she's told me that she'll get a job after the summer is over so that she doesn't miss out on sunbathing time. I've never said that she shouldn't let her son watch hours of television whilst she charges people for eyelash extensions and spray tans that she does in her spare room.
However today when I told her what I was doing and why (because I'm in £2000 of debt due to my stupid ex) she told me that I need to budget better and that I spoil my children. 'They don't need all those toys, you need to learn that less is more.'
I was stunned as I don't tell her how to spend her money. I work so so hard and my children are the one thing in my life that make everything worthwhile, and they have to deal with being in nursery a lot whilst I work. Everything I have goes to trying to keep them in our lovely house, to take them on holiday once a year and on fun days out. I never have nights out, I don't have my hair, nails or have expensive tattoos. I just live to give them the best.
I just don't know how to move on from this, I feel like we are too different. I am a degree educated cleaner who would rather scrub people's toilets rather than claim anything. Why does it feel like everything I was taught is wrong? How can I have worked hard all my life yet be so broke and she can send her son to nursery whilst she has a day in a spa? I know this might sound judgemental but her disposable income is four times what mine is due to her not officially earning anything! It doesn't seem fair.

[Lellikelly26]

I think she was trying to be helpful. I can see why the comment was irritating but don’t over think it.

[EmeraldShamrock]

After the update about the octonat toys, I think she may said it to be helpful, as in gosh you work hard and provide for your DC, cutting back in toys would save you needing to take on cleaning work.
Tbf OP I think you are quiet harsh about her lifestyle, is she working the extra to provide for her DS. I get it is criminal but the accusations of neglect and speech delay of her DS is far worse than her fax paus.
Report her if it bothers you but stop pretending to be friends.

[Cryalot2]

You are very fortunate to have your mum in such a job ( I only wish)
Things wll improve, reconsider your friend . No true friend acts like this. She has been a real cf.

[Sunflowers211]

Well @TheMessyCleaner you do not know her exact income but purely speculating. Kids do not need a lot of toys so she is right about that, and no one is forcing you to be a University Educated Cleaner!

If you are not happy in your current situation change it, and your friend upset you? Move on instead of dwelling on it.

[EmeraldShamrock]

Why didn't your DM fill you on your entitlements if she is an adviser.
Contact them on Monday for more information.

[Sunflowers211]

Well said @Bluntness100 parental neglect?

Sorry @TheMessyCleaner I felt some sympathy for a while until I read that. What a nasty accusation to make.

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

Minimum, she has no choice but to end her tax credit claim. She has just split with her partner. She can no longer make a single claim for TC. It has to be UC. So no point in doing better off calculations. Its UC or nothing.

OP UC is extremely easy to calculate. Takes about 1 minute. If your mum is a benefit advisor she would be able to do this easily. Not sure why you need to wait? It's all fairly straightforward.

[BanginChoons]

So you've been a single mum for one month, when she has been one for some time, has had to give up her course and her job, is used to living on a budget and offered you some advice, yet you judge her harshly for it?

I think she is the one who needs to find a better friend.

[MamaFlintstone]

Why is she your friend when it doesn’t sound like you actually like each other?

[MonstranceClock]

I think you're the one who sounds like a dick.

[DonnaDarko]

Tbh I agree with her. You don't need a holiday every year or toys that often. Half my son's toys came from £1 shops or really cheap places/ discounted on Amazon, and he still loves them. I only had two holidays during me entire childhood and it didn't scar me for life - my mum was also on her own and I think she did amazingly with what she had.

And now you're accusing her of neglect? Jesus, I think you're the one who needs a reality check.

Also, I'm sure you're entitled to something so go to entitled.to to use their calculator.

[thecatinthetwat]

I thought you were entitled to free nursery from 2 if a single parent. Worth checking op.

With the rest I’m on the fence. I can see why you’d be annoyed, but also can understand those saying forget about it.

Though, if you don’t get on that well and she makes you feel bad, frustrated, irritated or whatever, then move on for sure.

Good luck op, things will get easier

[theunrivalledjoysofparenting]

I think that it's wrong the way the government force people to work and pay tax when they want to stay home and be with their kids.

What do you mean? I stayed at home with my dc because dh worked and we had saved so we could afford it.

The government doesn’t want people sitting around being funded by benefits when they could be working. Not meaning you! But in general.