We're they both U?

[TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup]

This is more to get opinions as I think possibly both were BU.

Person 1 decides to clear some stuff into the loft while Person 2 is busy fixing stuff in the loft. Usually stuff gets dumped in a bundle to go into loft at later time but seemed easier since loft was open.
Person 1 starts putting stuff up beside loft opening, person 2 says can you do that later.
1: I'm putting it there so I can then come up and put it away.
2: I need that space there in a minute.
1: I'm just going to move it when I get up into the loft. (was in process of coming up into loft)
2: Do you even know where it goes?!
1: points in vague direction
2: No! Can you take it back down cos I need the space!
1: then I'll put it over there (different bit of loft away from hatch and wrong place) and sort it later
2: shouting can you just put it back downstairs and deal with it later?!??
Person 1 moves stuff downstairs again and goes off to do the thing they were clearing space for.

Person 2 now downstairs and finished in loft restarts conversation saying sorry I shouted at you but I'd asked you 3 times to not put the stuff there and you weren't listening. Person 1 repeats assertion that stuff was going to be moved and there was no need to shout. Person 2 now says they are sick of not being listened to and Person 1 and DD need to actually listen (DD is 6 and tends to zone out of anything she deems boring as 6yos are prone to do) and do as they say. 1 pointed out that they could try the "what I say goes" route and see where that gets them. 2 slightly retracted and said how it's about respect. Then left for work.

Person 2 is prone to shouting when stressed, person 1 tends to ignore it to a point unless DD is around in which case challenges it as unacceptable.

dons all protective gear thoughts?

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

Person 1 was being UR

[RedSheep73]

I think person 2 was asking for trouble tbh. If I was to interfere while dh was busy (not possible in our loft as it's so small!) I would get an earful. Same if he disturbed what I was doing and didn't listen when I asked him to stop.

[Stompythedinosaur]

Person 1 was being unreasonable. It is unreasonable to start putting items in the loft while the other person is fixing things.

I didn't like person 2's comment about person 1 doing what they are told, though.

[GnomeDePlume]

onalongsabbatical I think a loft is different in that the floor space is often cluttered, lighting may be poor and height restricted plus there is an open hatch in the floor. All too easy to get distracted while ducking to avoid roof timber etc and trip over the items which weren't there when the person went up into the loft.

[AphidEater]

Person 1 was being a total pain in the arse and shouldn’t have antagonised person 2 to the point where they inevitably snapped.

[pigeonscooing]

Person 1 was being U.

[Antigon]

I didn't say because I didn't want a pile on of it being DH shouting and a load of "man shout, ltb" or anything.

So instead people said Person 2 shouldn't shout. Not sure how that's different.

It's clear you want to live with the shouting, and he is now going to start on your dd (saying she needs to listen). But you don't want to hear that.

[purplecatt]

Err no I don't think yabu at all. You weren't affecting him by being in the room.

Don't apologise, particularly after he's shouted at you and tried to put you in your place. The way he spoke to you was unacceptable.

[onalongsabbatical]

Well, hang on a minute. Let's just substitute 'loft' for 'room'. So because person 2 is doing something in this room, person 1 isn't allowed in at all EVEN IF THEY ARE GOING TO KEEP OUT OF THE WAY?
Because it's a loft this is now acceptable?

[TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup]

DH and I quite regularly communicate by email or WhatsApp while he's at work as he's around on site rather than at a desk.
A quick sorry email now means we can apologise properly later. We did used to argue a lot and sometimes we slip back into old habits (went to counselling which helped massively).

As it happens he messaged me just now to say sorry, he was stressing about something and shouldn't have taken it out on me. I have also apologised for not just leaving it til he was out the way cos I realise I was being unintentionally in the way regardless.

[saraclara]

Person 1 could have said to Person 2: "when you've finished leave the ladder down because I want to put something in there" and waited

That's what happens in our house. The person doing the job needs to focus on it - especially if they're short of time. It's immensely irritating to have someone trying to occupy the space and doing another task near them. Lofts aren't big.

[musicposy]

I don't get why person 1 didn't just let person 2 finish their job and do their stuff then. Or at a different time. DH sometimes does this; starts doing some kind of job in the kitchen just as I start cooking, or moving stuff around the bathroom just as I'm cleaning/ painting it. I always send him away.

[Ivestoppedreadingthenews]

Person 1 was being irritating. Person 2 shouldn’t shout.

[Namechangeishard]

Sorry, I agree that YWBU.
Brefugee has it perfectly.

[lunar1]

You were being a pain! Why are you communicating an apology via email?

[freshstartnewme]

Sounds too much like hard work for me. Are person 1 and person 2 always like this?

[TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup]

Brefugee, yes I probably should have said something like that. Was shifting stuff so I could get started on my own project before I need to go and do school run then after school stuff etc.

I appreciate the opinions.

[BollocksToBrexit]

Person 1 is being unreasonable and very annoying.

[TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup]

I wanted to get the thing up cos I'm sick of doing the pile it up and move it later as we live in a bit of a bomb site atm so I'm trying to be more proactive about putting things back where they go.

[Brefugee]

Person 1 could have said to Person 2: "when you've finished leave the ladder down because I want to put something in there" and waited. Since if person 2 was about to head for work it wasn't presumably aeons that they had to wait?

Person 2 probably shouldn't have shouted but if you say something 3 times and get ignored (a charitable reading) maybe they thought person 1 didn't hear?

[TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup]

I didn't say because I didn't want a pile on of it being DH shouting and a load of "man shout, ltb" or anything.

If I was U then fine. I didn't think I was involving him in my task at all, didn't need his help to get the items up, and wouldn't have been actively crossing over his area. Loft space is quite big and floored so not awkward to move around.

The second conversation only happened cos he quite often feels the need to share his entire thoughts rather than taking a deep breath and leaving any big discussion til later when he is a bit more calm.

But I will give him a wee while then send him an email to say sorry.

[NameChangeNugget]

Person 1 sounds like a pain in the arse. Why couldn’t they just wait?

[herculepoirot2]

Person 1 is definitely unreasonable here. Just wait.

[Antigon]

Did you want to get the thing in the loft before the ladder was put up and hatch closed?

[AryaStarkWolf]

I was going to say Person 1 was BU because you should have waited till Person 2 was done however that comment about you need to do what your told would have made me see red and that totally trumps what you did originally. So I would say both were U but person 2 alot more