AIBU to attend a birthday party and give this gift?

[vmedd]

This is my first time posting here and I was hoping you guys could help me.
Background is my husband and I have 2 boys. 1 in the school nursery and the eldest in reception. Since December when my husband was suddenly made redundant we have had to considerably tighten our belts on just my part time wage. He had no redundancy package due to being there only a short time. We are financially muddling through & DH now has a job on minimum wage.
Now my big worry is both my children are being invited to parties. 2-3 a weekend. I have had to decline a few that weren't close friends but then my eldest especially is catching on with the chat on the playground at school, then is asking why he missed out. AIBU to give a homemade card with a £5 note in? Or should I decline the invites? I don't want to buy plastic, cheap toys for the sake of it or risk duplicates but by giving £5 am I inviting judgement?
Thank you

[woolduvet]

You could buy some cheap tubs and make some different coloured play dough. Get a few cutters from the pound shop. Home made card is absolutely fine.

[Talkingfrog]

Money in a card is fine.
From reception onwards my daughter has had a mixture of gifts and £5 in a card. She loves both. She likes opening a gift, but she also likes being able to pool the birthday money together and go and pick something herself.
If you did want other ideas at any time, the entertainer often has toys "half price" at £5. When dd was getting more invites I would pick up one or two to have ready. The works often does 10 books for £10. Could be worth stashing some ready. Whilst done stories are more boy / girl a lot are unisex. Dd lived stories so books went form well, and parents might like it too.

[ColdTattyWaitingForSummer]

Homemade cards always come across as thoughtful, as it takes more effort than going and buying one. Mine have always loved getting birthday money, as then they get to go and choose something they really want. Also when they’re little craft supplies, nice colouring pencils etc are always popular; two or three of those from the pound shop (if you have one) and a small sweetie would make a lovely present.

[AlunWynsKnee]

My favourite cards are home made😊
Dc got a lovely one from a friend this year and one of my dc made me an incredible one this year.
My dc loved an actual note of money too.

[BlueMerchant]

£5 in a homemade card is absolutely fine.
My two have always loved getting money to save or spend.
They would also always be happy with a bag of sweets or a colouring book/new crayons when they were small.

[daphine2004]

@ohdeartheregotheeggs I always give a book or a few books now and buy big packs from the book people or the works. It usually works out 10 for £10, so not much to spend. It just got to the point we were going to parties every weekend and spending £10 at least, not to mention the running around during the week to buy something. It’s just too much really but I’d always want to give a little gift.

[NewSchoolNewName]

When we’ve invited kids to parties, it’s because we wanted the child there, not because we wanted extra presents for our DC.

£5 in a card would be absolutely fine, or a cheaper token present. One of DS1’s favourite presents at his 5th birthday party was a bag of jelly babies. He was thrilled to have them all for himself.

[Purpleheadgirl]

We have always at primary level either spent £5 or given £5 note. I also keep an eye out year round for things on offer even at supermarkets and pick up things that would be £7.50 or more for £2 or £3 each and put away to choose from later. Book people are took for presents or bags for parties as can get 10 decent books for £10 which often have price of around £5 printed on each :)

[Playmytune]

I wouldn’t put £5 in a card, could be thought of as couldn’t be bothered getting anything (now I guess I’m being shot down in flames).
Go to The Works if you have one nearby. As pp said you can get either 10 or 20 cards for a pound. On top of this, as well as books, they sell cheap toys and craft kits. I have just bought 3 craft kits and the most expensive was £4!! Also got a lovely wooden Alphabet jigsaw, which was only £4.99. They are great value and much better than a box of Maltesers etc.!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I’d rather a child came with no present than not come. I get that parents would probably be too embarrassed. At this age however children really won’t notice.

When dd was this age she was invited to loads of parties and I used to get things off Amazon reduced and I’d buy job lots. All the same thing for a few kids if it was cheap eg Spider-Man 60cm inflatable £2.97.
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0051DU6SW/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o09_s00?psc=1&ie=UTF8&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21. You could add a little packet of sweets if you wish.

Amazon also sometimes discounts things to ridiculously low prices. In 2015 it was the deadly 60 stuff. This was £3.84 (2014 - checked my orders) now £17.99 www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B007H949Q8/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_image_o00_s00?psc=1&ie=UTF8&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 Idk if this item will ever get slashed in price again but prices on toys do fluctuate wildly. When ds was into toys I always used to put toy purchases in my basket and monitor. Eg Occasionally baby Anabelle something or other could go down to £19.99 but only for a short period then creep back up over the next week or two to the rrp of £34.99.

[formerbabe]

Personally, I'd much rather someone attend and bring a pound shop gift or a bag of sweets than not attend at all. Or even if they just brought a card.. presence rather than presents is what matters to me.

[glueandstick]

Home bargains is amazing for small kids birthday gifts. Their colouring books are 69p. I got some slime eggs for less than 50p and their sweets are bright and fun and very cheap. I keep a stock of small gifts at home for parties.

But really, kids would much rather you came than brought gifts!

[EleanorLavish]

Typos! I’ll never learn to proof read. You get the gist.

[EleanorLavish]

Not that they type is school has anything to do with it, but mine went to a private prep school and a £5 in a card was deffo the norm.
Mine would have been happy with a home made card (they loved these!) and a pack of buttons or bar of chic tbh.
Go and enjoy. Hope things get a bit easier for you all soon.

[heyday]

Its not easy is it? Here in London the parties seem to get more and more extravagant by the year, usually costing way over £200. I think a home made card is lovely especially if the child does the writing inside to make it personal. Parties just seem to be another way of creating more pressure and competition.

[mumofthree321]

There are lovely places like Tiger where you can pick up very cheap but nice gifts for a few pounds - that and a pack of sweets (max £5) is more than enough. Presents values vary enormously and honestly, the parents are just pleased your child came and enjoyed the party with their son/daughter. I wouldn't have been fussed if they didn't bring a present and just sent a card. I was just really happy to have them all there

[Butterymuffin]

Kids are always happy to get money or chocolate. Spending even £1 or £2 on a card and Maltesers, or a block of chocolate, will be fine.

[Waveysnail]

Also used plain paper at home and kids have decorated it to wrap presents.

[Waveysnail]

Yep to others too - small box sweets

[Waveysnail]

Wouldnt even bother with a card. Colouring book and some pens/pencils are fine.

[Dippypippy1980]

Kids get so many presents at parties they just merge into one big pile. Please don’t fret over how much you spend.

My nephew has a class mate who never goes to parties. My nephew and his friends still invite him to every party, and on the last invite my nephew wanted to write that he didn’t have to bring a present and his mum could stay the whole time of she wanted, whatever would make him allowed to come. They are ten. Made me cry😢.

Kids really care about the presents - they just want their friends so run around with.

[Dishwashersaurous]

Books from the works. They frequently have ten for ten pounds. Stock up and give two for a present or even one

And we always make homemade cards, the invitee makes them and draws on things they like.

The works also have big packs of blank cards cheaper than hobby craft

[Widowodiw]

For £5 you can go pound shop and get colouring books etc. I ever spent more than a fiver as the number of parties we got invited to was just silly. Don’t sorry by then time they are about 7 a fiver in a card will be the done thing.

[AgentPeggyCarter]

My DC have gone through a phase of suddenly having hectic social lives on the party front. I found both the Crazy Chefs and Shopping List Orchard Games on Amazon for £3.85 each. I bought a stack of them to reach £20 (so free postage) and have been giving those. My DC love them (and DD is 5 now so they seem to have a bit of longevity) and I figure if they have them they’re ripe for regifting and not plastic tat.