Long time MNetter but nc'd for this!
I know I'm by no means the first or last to have an embarrassingly short marriage and I have come to see it more as I'm glad I had the balls to walk away rather than as a failure.
The strange thing is I didn't marry in haste - had been together 3 years, but within a matter of days (I really don't think I was imagining it) his behaviour changed and he seemed like he thought he was boss and got very controlling and stopped making any effort altogether. Within maybe two months it seemed like he couldn't be bothered to say hello when he came in and barely spoke to me.
If I'd been an "I've dreamed of my wedding day since I was a little girl" kind of person and had been pushing him into it, I could have understood, but if anything, he seemed keener to get married than I did, so there's no way I think anyone could say he got pushed into it.
I tried to stay positive and waited a few months to see if things changed but he became so controlling I had to get out.
I wondered if anyone else has had similar experiences or their marriage didn't last very long and if there were any warning signs or red flags you ignored. I don't really like having to explain it to people because it's not their business, but I also doubt it's as unheard of as I probably first thought.
AIBU?
To ask about disastrously short marriages and how you coped
hellsweddingbells · 19/04/2019 15:25
to all of the posters here who've found themselves in abusive marriages. So glad you were able to leave.
Fortunately mine was not. On paper all was good: nice guy; good set of friends; pretty laid back. But our marriage quickly became dull and loveless: within two years to be precise. I realised he wanted a "wife" rather than actually invest in a relationship. We bought a house and he showed no interest in trying to make it a home. He didn't want to cultivate any wider interests with me and wasn't especially emotionally supportive. He was also a real man child, which although I'd sort of known before we got married, really became apparent when we did. I think as long as everything looked okay on the surface, that was enough for him. I also think he thought that now he'd married me, he didn't have to try.
Eventually it became apparent that we were two separate entities with very different life goals and interests and the only thing keeping us together was our large circle of friends and shared history. We had no sexual relationship and he seemed to refuse to address this when I brought this up.
In the end, the crunch came when he announced that he wanted to start a family and my heart sank at the thought of being tied to him forever and at the realisation that, like most things, the responsibility would lie with me to do everything. I told him I wasn't happy and we needed to sort things out or split up. He told me he'd fight for the marriage and did nothing of the sort, moving out to stay with friends before leaving for good six weeks later.
As for how I coped: I spent a few months feeling absolutely terrible about the whole thing (guilt, anger, sadness) before realising that I had tried and, on the whole, he hadn't, either in our relationship or in the split aftermath.
I felt like a failure for a long time (nobody wants to be divorced at 30) but I realise that I could have plodded along with him for the rest of my life and then would have genuinely become one of those women who hated their life when the kids left and was hitting retirement, etc. I didn't want that, and I'm fortunate in that I've met someone else and have been young enough to do so.
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