To not want to bring MIL shopping for baby stuff

[MamaDane]

Hey.. So I'm pregnant with twins, we found out that they are boys last week and now I'm currently having a dilemma, as I've been looking forward to going to England this weekend to shop baby clothes, bedding and the like. Things you can basically bring in your luggage back home.

One of the reasons I've been really excited is because the Danish children's fashion is depressing, especially the boys clothes, it's all in dark colours, like dark blue, dark grey, dark green, black and brown. So I'm basically ready to go nuts in Mothercare, Next and John Lewis.

However today my MIL asked if she could join us to our shopping trip and I really don't want her to come. It's not that I don't want my MIL or DM involved in things, I've suggested that they both come to scans to DP but DP wants it to be just the two of us. I just don't relax as much as I normally do, when I'm just alone with my DP, and I feel like it's something we should do on our own. But then I feel guilty if I say no to MIL who is nothing but kind (we have a very good relationship) and she is kind of timid, so she was probably nervous about asking to join as well. Normally I don't mind much when she comes along when it's regular clothes shopping but I don't know. I just want it to be with my partner. Just us.
We have shopped some clothes before, so it's not our first time. So I do feel like I could give her that. But yeah, a part of me feels vulnerable with her coming along to go shopping.

AIBU to say no? Should I say no? I'm quite conflicted.
What have you done in this situation?

[Amanduh]

Gorgeous colourful cute stuff in next, mothercare, jojo maman and john lewis at the moment! Good luck op. I think including MIL was the right decision. She sounds lovely.

[Mississippilessly]

So sorry to pile in after you had updated OP, i hadn't seen that. Apologies and good decision. Congratulations!

[FactsOfLife]

I don't get it.
If she's not over powering or rude about your choices then I don't see why you wouldn't let her tag along.
And vulnerable...? Really...?!

[Kko1986]

Hi
My mother in law is amazing she said once that the best gift she could have is someone's time. Not a present or money or a meal but time.

I know you feel sad and under pressure but I think you should say yes and then repay her with a meal out spend time together she sounds very excited and she cares for you x

[stucknoue]

In these circumstances I would let her come, and don't feel guilty to let her pay if she can afford it , she's excited and doesn't live near you

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

That is a good idea, @Sallycinnamonbangsthedruminthe!

[Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe]

OP ,,,order all you want online then you just have to pick it up...the choosing will have been done by you and you can just have everything you want ready for collection...if MIL wants to buy extra then that is grandmas choice and let her be involved that way..then on for coffee and cake! You get to choose all you want with no interference and she is happy for a couple of hours out with her family!

[PutThatDown10]

I don't get why she can't come to be honest, I love my MIL and if she wanted to join us to buy baby clothes I'd be delighted and would say she's very welcome, especially if she was in a different country to where we live and were staying with her.

Your MIL sounds lovely, there's plenty of horrible ones around and she wants to be involved.

[ichifanny]

I love all the danish and Swedish baby clothes and prefer them to the stuff we have in the UK just shows you the grass is always greener .

[SoHotADragonRetired]

I actively suggested to my MIL that we go baby shopping together when I was pregnant with her first grandchild. She was absolutely thrilled and it meant a great deal to her. She did pay for a few things, but we paid for most of it.

I think you are doing the right thing by going especially since you are staying with her, she's lovely and it was not easy for her to ask. Presumably her DGC are going to live in another country when they're born so it undoubtedly means a lot to her to have some involvement. Yes, we all feel more comfortable with just our DPs there because they're the people we actively chose and not their families but your mild discomfort would not justify being mean enough to exclude her from baby prep when she's good enough to stay with and be used as a taxi.

[ParoxetineQueen]

www.gov.uk/trading-hours-for-retailers-the-law

[SnowyAlpsandPeaks]

Me and exdp told his family I was pregnant the day after I found out. That weekend was the start of the buying. His parents and sibling bought nappies, toiletries, baby grows, vests, outfits etc then started on bouncer, cot, cot sheets and so on. We were fully stocked by the time dc was born. It was my second dc, but exdp’s first, and the first grandchild in his family. They were so excited that I just left them to it. But I had/have (because I still do) a brilliant relationship with them, so that may make my experience different to others🤷🏻‍♀️

[Justonemorepancake]

If you love bright colours have a look at Frugi!

[MamaDane]

Oh and I live near CPH so I think you're a bit too far

[MamaDane]

redexpat I personally love the cutesy pastel coloured baby clothes and the vibrant colours, especially yellow (sunshine yellow, not mustard) clothes. Not into big realistic animal prints for babies for example. If it looks like it would suit a 5 or 10 year old better, then I usually don't like it.

[MamaDane]

SDTG Thank you for your kind post. As others have said, I don't think it's open on Sundays but it's okay, it will just be a big shopping day on Saturday 😁

Your boys sound lovely 💙

[redexpat]

I live in Denmark and ive got loads of baby stuff I want to get rid of. Went to a baby bazar in Esbjerg at the weekend and came home with most of it. Some danish, some British. Pm me if you like.

Also what brands are you looking at? I got colourful stuff in babysam and from the fixoni lagersalg if youre near Give. It should be coming up soon - usually in may and november.

I know what you mean though. I find the girls clothes really awful. Pretty but awful.

[Osirus]

Go alone in the morning and ask her to join you for lunch and the afternoon shopping. She’ll be able to give you a lift home then too with all your purchases

[Propertywoes]

Sorry I see you've already decided. Ignore me

[Propertywoes]

By the time the twins are 6 months old, all this will be a distant memory and you'll wonder why you cared so much when it's really so inconsequential. Just let her go with you.

[Almostfifty]

All shopping centres and big shops are closed on Easter Sunday in England.

[BertrandRussell]

All John Lewis’ are closed in Easter Sunday.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@MamaDane - I am sure that places like John Lewis are open on Sundays - most town centres and shopping centres are open and busy on Sundays.

I'm glad you have a plan for the shopping trip, and are happy with your decision - I think you are being very sensitive and sensible about it.

I was lucky enough to have an amazing MIL - as you do - and whilst we didn't go shopping for baby stuff with her (apart from one abortive attempt in Winchester, when we couldn't find Mothercare - because there wasn't one in Winchester), I did go on shopping trips with her on many occasions, and it was always a much more pleasurable experience than shopping with my own mum - basically, I'd look forward to spending time with my MIL, and dreaded spending it with mum.

I hope that the shopping trip goes off well, and is a good time for you and your dp, and for you and your MIL too. I am sure she will be a good shopping companion, and won't be opinionated like your mum.

Good luck with your boys too - I have three children, all boys (singles, not twins/triplets), and being the mum of boys is a wonderful experience. Mine are all in their 20s now, and all taller than me, and basically living independently - but they still come home to mum, and I get so much affection and love from them. I also get patted patronisingly on the head, if I ask for help getting things down from high shelves - the cheeky buggers!!

[dreichuplands]

Glad you are taking her with you. If nothing else she can help carry things!
Hope you have a lovely day.

[Zilla1]

If she's kind and normally timid and has worked up the 'courage' to ask then I would be tempted to agree and try and enjoy the trip to the UK. I would also suggest in a friendly way at the same time that you would ;love for her to come for her company so the ground rules would be she shouldn't expect to pay for the purchases though you recognise her generous nature.

If your DP doesn't want her at scans and you would be comfortable to include her a little more then (on another occasion, not when discussing the trip), it might be helpful to agree with your DP and DMIL in what she can be included and feel engaged - is it her first DGC (sorry need to RTFT).

Good luck with the preparations.