To worry that DS is putting the deposit down for a joint mortgage?

[yunhi]

DS is 26 and his girlfriend is 21. He has a large amount of money that was used to purchase a flat from when his father died. His girlfriend recently moved in and now they are buying a house together. He's putting 100k into it and it will be a joint mortgage. Doesn't that mean if they split, she will be entitled to half of that? He says he isn't concerned about that at all. But AIBU to be slightly worried here?

[GregoryPeckingDuck]

Going alone on the mortgage won’t garubtee she doesn’t get a share either.

[HollowTalk]

The thing is that if all goes well, it won't make any difference as they will stay together and she will benefit from having a really nice place for not much money. If things go badly, then he will be in a position to buy somewhere much better. Once the document is signed, it shouldn't make any difference at all to their relationship.

Young men can be very, very romantic, I know, but it is a time to be sensible.

[ConstanzaAndSalieri]

As others have said, it’s very possible to sort this out. Our solicitor asked (similar ages) if we wanted it done as she rightly worked out that all the deposit came from one side (not mine!). Hopefully theirs will be similar.

[GregoryPeckingDuck]

it’s still good advice to draw up an agreement but I doubt they’d want to and the law doesn’t expect them to.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

Could it be the GF isn't happy with him protecting it and he is afraid to rock the boat? As a parent I would be worried about that being the case.

I've seen many comments re deeds of trusts and pre nuos not being liked by the party not bringing anything to the table.

[Chloemol]

He needs to see a solicitor and draw up an agreement to protect his money

[MinnieMountain]

It must be frustrating but you can't make him protect his deposit.

[Womaninred]

My friend didn’t get protection when she moved in with her partner of several years - and their child - from her house where they had lived to new home. He was entitled to half as no agreeement that a third was her money and she had to move out to one bed place to pay him of when divorced even though child worse off. He must protect himself legally. Daft not to. No one can see future.

[Aroundtheworldandback]

Even if he managed to ring fence the 100k, if they had children and she was the main caregiver, I’m not sure what would happen?

He definitely needs legal advice but if I’m honest, if I were you I would be desperate for the gf not to know the concerns came from you.. she may well be the mother of your grandchildren and will never forget..

[ItWentInMyEye]

My partners parents generously gifted us the deposit for our house, and the money was protected. I had absolutely no problems with this, and neither should the girlfriend if she's a decent person.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

I wouldn't care if they knew the concerns had come from me. Protecting children is what parents do, if it's held against a person then maybe the intentions weren't pure and a parent was right.

I'd have expected the other party to automatically mention protecting the others deposi, especially in these circumstances.

[YahBasic]

Our solicitors sent us two letters strongly advising us to buy as tenants in common, rather than joint tenants, as we are unmarried.

Apart from the fact that we are, but assumed we weren’t as I didn’t change my name

I’d be surprised if the solicitor didn’t at least suggest it - it may get him to consider it more than a parent’s advice would.

[eyesbiggerthanstomach]

He needs to let his conveyancing solicitor know they want to hold the property as joint tenants and have a declaration of trust in place.

[blackfriars]

Hi - what you need is a ‘deed of trust’ - a very simple document recording the contributions made by each party and what is to happen in the event of a split. This can set out that your son gets his deposit back.

Your son would be prudent to spend a very small proportion of his deposit on the legal fees involved in drawing this up - they shouldn’t be high, and any decent high street solicitor should be able to help.

Good luck!

[Fantasisa]

My DH put in all our deposit and didn’t protect it and tell your DS I would definitely take my 50 per cent of it if we split and if I had been in his position I would have protected it.

What’s your DS got to lose? If you are wrong and they last then it doesn’t matter as she lives there anyway, if they split then he gets what’s his.

[User457990033gYpovd7]

As a GF she should not object to him protecting this proportion of the value of the house. Obviously if they go on to marry or have children it would be different but he needs to protect his money. He is young and no doubt loved up right now but partners often do split up and it would be tragic for him to lose money his DF left him to give him a great start in adult life.

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

What he's hearing is you don't think the relationship is going to last, so he's blocking your very reasonable concerns. But he needs to understand there are various reasons why they might not reach old age together. Remind him that the reason he has this money is because he lost his dad. Does he realise what would happen to his GF's share if she died? At the moment it would go to her next of kin, ie her parents.

They both need to start thinking like grown ups. Just because they plan for the worst case scenario doesn't mean it's ever going to happen. But it's foolish to not even consider the possibility.

[MinnieMountain]

Those saying joint tenants with a trust deed- it isn't. Joint tenants is "survivor takes all" and isn't affected by a trust deed.
He should have tenants in common with a trust deed but I doubt he will

[coral13]

I think the fact that if she died, half his money would go to her family is actually a really good point and irrelevant to what you think of his gf so he may consider this.

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

Does he realise what would happen to his GF's share if she died? At the moment it would go to her next of kin, ie her parents.

If they were tenants in common, I mean. I forgot about the joint tenants scenario.

[Banhaha]

Could you try saying that it might stop other people thinking the worst of his girlfriend? I have been in a similar situation and it helped me shut up people who claimed I was only after his money if I could go "actually he'd get all that back if we split up" (not that it's any of their business).

[sighrollseyes]

Yes see a solicitor there is a document you can sign to protect your deposit.

[HollowTalk]

I think you really need to stress that his dad would have wanted him to have a very happy relationship and would have loved to have met/known his girlfriend, but that he intended the money for him and if he would have been very upset to think he was risking half of it. It's no reflection on his girlfriend - if it works out then it won't make an iota of difference.

And then I wouldn't say a word about the difference in salary.

[Babynut1]

He definitely needs to speak to a solicitor. I bought a house with an ex and put the whole deposit down. I hadn’t thought much about it until a friend of mine suggested I protect my deposit.
Thank absolute god I did as the prick moved out a few months later leaving me pay the mortgage by myself.
I’m so so glad I took my friends advice and I’ll always be grateful to her.
Please make him see sense. It’s a lot of money to lose if either or them change their mind about their relationship in the future xx

[SandyY2K]

Some young people these days refuse to listen to sensible advice.

He's putting up a large deposit and he's the higher earner. That's a good salary for someone his age.

I would find the necessary information about protecting his deposit and hopefully his solicitor will advise similar.



If the GF objects or is reluctant, then that's a red flag.

They're both young...and with the high number of divorces and relationship breakdowns, protecting is the wise thing to do.
Having said that she's quite young to be