Not want to talk when I get home

[popsadaisy]

AIBU to not want to talk to my OH when I get home from work? I have a job which means I talk none stop all day and when I get home the last thing I want to go is talk some more! Is it unreasonable of me to tell my OH not to talk to me on the weekday evenings? We can have a good catch up on the weekend.

[BlackSatinDancer]

If you really do expect your OH not to speak to you except for at weekends just because you talk all day at work, then I think you really need to change your job. Either that or at least have separate homes so that they can go out and enjoy the company of others if they wish in the week and then go out with you only at weekends.

[bibbitybobbityyhat]

I would be happy talking to my husband for a pre-booked 10 minute slot per day if that. Yanbu.

[Nothininmenoggin]

I'd say this is totally unreasonable not to talk, how odd. Lots if people have jobs where they have to talk I'm sure they don't all want to go home and sit in silence until the weekend.

[NameChangeNugget]

YAnBU to a degree.

If you energise on your own, somebody waffling on about stuff is tedious, if it hits you straight away.

Is there a way you can have some down time alone before you get in?

[kaytee87]

Of course you're being unreasonable!!

Some quiet time is nice of course, so go for a bath or long shower. You can't ban your partner from talking to you all evening.

Why don't you live alone? You'd be more suited to it.

[QueenBeex]

YABU

[StickyShoess]

You crazy

[Dhalandchips]

Are you my ExH!!?

[IvanaPee]

This is a reverse.

[Tinkoschminko]

YABU ... Unless you’re a primary school teacher.

[beeyourself]

Can't you take some quiet time on your way home or by going to a yoga class or something? It's not reasonable to not speak at all the evening.

[woolduvet]

I used to feel the same after teaching. I used to get in a super hot shower with good songs on. Then switch into chat mode

[ExhaustedGrinch]

YABU Why don't you just live apart then and have a part time partner/relationship? I 'get it' to some extent, my partner has anxiety and is under a lot of stress so he needs time to unwind some days but he'll take himself off for a bath/nap/other rather than allow his stress or wanting/needing time to himself to dictate the whole mood of our home.

[Haggisfish]

In fairness op, my dh is like you. We had couples counselling and he said after the first three bitsof info he stops listening! I hadn’t realised this and would prattle away. So now I pick the three most important bits of info I want to relay, and, in return, he listens. I then drop feed any other bits over the next few nights but with no expectation he will remember them. He is def on autistic spectrum. I think he spends so long filtering info at work that he is shattered by the time he gets home. If it is super important info, I write it down, usually on calendar.

[MQv2]

Well that sounds like a fucking horrific way to live for your partner

[Haggisfish]

Although dh would very rarely not speak at all!

[MissCharleyP]

I’d say YANBU. I’m the same, it’s difficult as DH is retired so doesn’t see anyone most days (neither of us know many people round here) but I’m in a job where I spend the entire shift talking, then I have the commute which can be stressful depending on traffic/incidents. I generally go upstairs, get changed then make a cup of tea and I’m all his!

[WoollyMummoth]

I spend all day talking too in my job, it is exhausting but after a quarter of an hour chilling on my own when I get home I’m more than ready to get involved with what’s going on with dh and dcs. Maybe a change of employment if it’s affecting you so badly op?

[Justgivemesomepeace]

Im in a job where i talk all day and i need some quiet time at home or i feel like im going to explode. I compromise by going to bed about 9 with netflix on my tablet and mumsnet on my phone which is what im doing now!
On holiday i really cant be arsed making conversation with people round the pool or whatever and Dd and Dp say im anti social. Im not - its what i get paid to do all year. Im not doing it on holiday aswell.

[WeepingWillowWeepingWino]

No, that’s not reasonable. At all. Fine to take some time when you get in but not to chat at all?

How long is your commute home?

[popsadaisy]

Sorry I'm laughing at some of these comments (wish you could like comments on Mumsnet!!) I wasn't being very clear... of course he can tell me if the kitchen is on fire 😂 what does reverse mean? 🙈🙈

[EL8888]

@Sparklesocks this basically. My partner and l do similar jobs that require lots and lots of talking. But after some downtime on the way home we have a good catch up

[cuppycakey]

YABVU

I agree with PP - a 15 minute talking break when you first get home is fine, but it's horrible to say you won't speak to him all evening.

[burritofan]

Do you get post-work decompression time? I need 20 minutes of zero contact when I get in – took a while for me and DP to establish what that meant. For me it meant I got to come in, take off shoes and coat, not even say hello, just bliss out from the No People. Whereas he would bounce into the hall and want a hello and a catch-up and then to give me my 20 minutes. We get along a lot better now I get my first 20 minutes of silence, then can happily natter all night.

[category12]

I can understand needing a bit of time to yourself to unwind - but all evening every weekday is extreme.