to be perfectly delighted that my kids are growing up?

[Echobelly]

I see a lot of people online saying how sad they are that their kids call them 'Mum' not 'mummy' or they're going to secondary school, or they don't need their parents to do things for them anymore, and they're not their 'babies' anymore etc.

I'm personally happy and excited when my kids start doing things for themselves (I don't want to be tying shoelaces forever, although it does feel like I will be with my kids ) and when they move on to new stages of their lives. After all, it's my job to help them get there, I don't feel any melancholy at all about them growing up.

[spongedog]

I love my teenager too - yes we have our moments (get off youtube and do your homework child!) but mostly it's great! I do not miss baby phase AT ALL!

[Ragwort]

Oubliette surely you can understand that all parents have different experiences? I had an extremely easy baby, I put him to bed at 7pm & he woke at 7am .... I have never had a broken night’s sleep .... so in some ways I find it hard to relate to parents who have babies who don’t sleep, my advice would be ‘put the baby in it’s own cot and just shut the door’, because that’s what I did. But I hope I can at least empathise with parents who struggle with the baby years.

Equally some parents may have really challenging teenagers, my DS isnt the ‘worse’ teenager by any stretch of the imagination but I am honest enough to admit that his behaviour has bought me to tears on some occasions.

All children are different and all parenting experiences are different.

[havingtochangeusernameagain]

I'm the same OP. I've never shed a tear that my "baby" is starting or leaving primary school, or starting or leaving secondary school.

But then I don't need to be needed, quite the opposite.

[gamerwidow]

I hated the baby stage but DD is 8 now and I will miss this stage where she is old enough to be a bit independent but young enough to still want cuddles.
I love seeing her grow and change everyday but I'm not looking forward to the teenage arguments (especially if she's anything like me as a teen)

[havingtochangeusernameagain]

And also don't get the horrible teen thing. Yes mine is grumpy from time to time. And smelly. But not horrible.

[Echobelly]

@OublietteBravo - I think a lot of problems with teenagers happen because of the 'boo hoo, I can't bear them growing up attitude' - parents are desperate to keep them as little attachments to them, not separate people and pick battles about stupid stuff because they can't let go of the child.

Obv, easy to say as mine aren't teens yet. I came from a family where honestly, all 3 of us were easy teenagers - our parents trusted us and we wanted to repay the trust given us. We weren't angels, but we were happy enough, had friends and did well at school, and that was what mattered. DH says he was a hellish teenager, though, so we'll see what happens But I think it is important to like teenagers for who they are, rather than battening down the hatches the moment they turn 12 in the expectation of disaster. All the 'worst' teenagers I know had parents who went 'code red' when hormones hit.

[Birdie6]

My DS is 40, stands 6'3" , has a beard and is covered in tattoos....but I still feel so warm and fuzzy when he leans in for a kiss and calls me "Mumsy" . It's been a love affair since Day 1 and I've loved every minute of it.

[OublietteBravo]

I’m sure there are some very difficult teenagers out there. But equally there are difficult children at all ages between 0 and 18. Why should teenagers in particular be collectively thought of as being difficult/hard work? I don’t believe that the majority of teenagers are difficult.

[blueskiesovertheforest]

LEELULUMPKIN I work in a house which a group of adults (mostly young, not all) with learning disabilities share. They range from a mental age of about 4 to about 14 (though we aren't allowed to say it like that any more). They have a really lovely life. The house is beautiful and has a lovely garden, they all go to work, mostly in a sheltered workshop (one now has a regular, non sheltered job and is doing brilliantly and very proud, and another is aiming for similar, but it's not right for everyone). They have varying levels of supervision or freedom according to their individual needs, but they've all made the step into adult life successfully.

Our you best guy is 20 and does mostly function on around a 4 year old level. His parents babied him a bit so he came to us expecting to have everything done for him, but now but he can do lots - he can dress himself, make himself drinks, make himself a sandwich. He doesn't use full sentences but can very successfully communicate in his own way. He's an asset to the grounp and a happy young man. He goes to stay with his parents every second weekend and for a week at holiday times.

I hope you can find something like that for your son in 5 or 6 years time, perhaps.

[blueskiesovertheforest]

That should have been "youngest" not "you best"

[Minesapineappledelight]

I feel both ways. I was always pleased to see my child develop new skills, their own personality, get some freedom back. But then it took us years to conceive our youngest, and it was really hard to think I was never going to do the baby thing again, I didn't feel "done" at all, and there was so much uncertainty over TTC. So there's a bit of a gap before our youngest, and now I'm really relishing every minute of baby hood, because I know for sure that we are done, and I know how quickly it will go. At the same time it's utterly delightful watching her grow and develop.

I think the bittersweet element comes in when you realise how fast it all goes, and how you don't do half the things you want to with your children, even though you always seem to be doing something with them. How precious and fleeting it all is. The first year of your child's life is like no other year,and most people will only experience it two or three times. I mean think how many babies you have ever seen at less than 12 hours old - for me, it's only been my own children and one of my nephews

[watsmyname]

There's nothing wrong with feeling sadness that a change has happened, especially if it's a permanent one. It doesn't mean there isn't anticipation and excitement for the next stage.

I love to imagine how my children will be in later years but to focus on this rather than the people they are now would be a waste of this precious time. Their personality is there but will evolve - I want to relish it.

Many people shed happy tears at primary school gates, a sense of pride etc. Pathetic is a bit harsh.

No need to be so judgemental.

[Bookworm4]

From reading MN I think the change in recent years to kids are the sole focus in people's life's and every single choice and decision revolves around them and the awful competitive parenting has led to the clinging on of childhood; you have to have a life and interests that don't involve your kids as they will soon grow and not need Mummy every minute of the day. I love mine dearly but they are their own people as am I and I'm glad I had them young and can now enjoy their company and doing things together and not be seen as a wee old mum. I feel myself cringing at these parents who stand and watch until their 10/11 yr old disappears out of sight into school; kids shouldn't be worrying about their clingy mum.

[FuckertyBoo]

bookworm

I completely disagree that this is a “new” phenomenon. My mil and my mum were really child focused. Much more so than I think I am. And dh and I often expressed our exasperation that our mums should be happy they raised children into adults instead of yearning for the ‘golden days’ of their motherhoods. Nothing new under the sun!

[MillicentMartha]

I think ‘empty nest syndrome’ has been around for quite a while.

[BackinTimeforBeer]

My teenagers are still giving me cuddles...I would lament the passing of the cuddles - but I'm hoping I have those for life now!

[Pinkblanket]

I've loved every stage of my children, babies, toddlers, school age, pre-teen. My eldest is 12 now. I love seeing the new things they do, how they grow and change. I don't feel sad when they move on to the next stage in life. Not because I hated the previous one, but because I feel that as a parent I should be helping them make that next step.

[StrawberrySquash]

My mum was quite open about enjoying her kids being teenagers and able to do all the things they could and have the independence that they did. I think that's perfectly normal. Also different people enjoy different stages more. As well as different aspects within those stages.

[user1471426142]

Mine are only still very young but I’ve loved seeing my eldest develop and do new things. My 2 year old was fiercly independent the day she came out and already will make her own breakfast, set the table, help cook dinner and is quite emotionally mature etc so I’ve never been able to baby her really. Obviously she still has toddler tantrums but independence is such a strong driver for her, I just need to go with it and I’d be doing her a disservice if I tried to stop her.

I’m enjoying having the chance to have new born cuddles again with my second but feel a bit sad that you it’s likely to be the last time I’ll do it so I can see there will be something different about the youngest doing certain things and feeling a bit bittersweet about it.

[BuildAParsnip]

YABU for being so black and white like everything on Mumsnet

It's perfectly possible to feel more than one emotion.

I feel happy and proud of the independent individuals they're growing up to be and I love doing interesting things with them.

However I also have pangs of sadness that they'll never be the funny, swidgy, lovely little preschoolers they once were.

Probably like most parents

[Echobelly]

TBF, yes, I do know everyone feels differently... just sometimes there seems to be almost a taboo, as some posters have noted, about being happy for them to grow up, as though you're not being a loving enough parent if you're happy to let them go.

[BlackCatSleeping]

But, as others have said, you can feel mixed emotions about things. I was so happy when mine left the baby stage. No more nappies, no more potty training, no more weaning. But I still felt a little sad when I gave away all my cloth nappies and baby clothes because there are things from that stage I will miss too.

[TheYoungOffendersMum]

It'll be strange when they're both not home anymore.

But I got a lot of crap from peers, HCPs, family etc for wishing their lives away when I just wanted to know what and who they would look like, what things they'd like, what thry would go on to do and so on.

I had a friend who went on to have eight kids, who hated not having a baby about, to breastfeed and coo over. Where as I've actually enjoyed my kids growing and changing. Isn't that the point, that they grow and change..

[tulippa]

I hated the baby stage but can honestly say my DCs have grown more amazing with each year. They're 14 and 10 now. If anyone is struggling with with their young DCs sleep, feeding, weaning, tantruming - I can promise you it WILL get better and it will be worth it in the end.