Another MIL one, sorry.

[likearatonapotato]

I may be disproportionately upset about this. I don't feel like I am.

MIL has very little to do with DS. That in itself upsets me. She never wants to see him or organise anything. She's seen him once so far this year. We live an hour away, and she refuses to visit unless we come to her, which is difficult with our work schedules. She's able bodied, and drives a few hours it happily if it's an activity she's interested in like a show she wants to see.

I've organised a trip to a sea life centre that is local to MIL. We invited her earlier this week, and she seemed excited. She said she was looking forward to spending time with the three of us. I think great, book the tickets and am genuinely excited that she wants to spend time with DS for a change.

I find out today, she's invited her other GC along with SIL and a couple of others. I'm pissed off. Not about SIL, but about her inviting her other GC along. She sees him 3-5 times a week. I told DH this has annoyed me a bit, as I was really hoping she'd spend some one on one time with DS. He has no bond at all with her, and I really want them to have some sort of relationship. DH thinks I'm overreacting, but I don't feel like I am. MIL will, as always if other DGC is there, largely ignore DS in favour of her friends and other DGC. I'm really disappointed for DS, because it's so clear he is somehow 'less than' his cousin.

And it wasn't her outing to invite everyone else along to! If I wanted everyone else to come along I'd have invited them. DH's response is 'well what do you want me to tell her? It's too late now.' So now he's pissed with me for saying anything.

I think I AIBU actually. Because I can't force someone to spend time with my child if they don't want to. This is more of a whinge really.

[ZippyBungleandGeorge]

Have s chat with SIL you might find agree as irritated by the opposite, get over involvement with her DS and the commandeering of him. To could establish contact with them instead

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

She feels closer to her DD than you and her DC are more special than yours I'm afraid.

YANBU but there's nothing you can do about it.

[VeraWangTwang]

Give up now, it will save a lot of hurt in the future. She will not change.

[pootyisabadcat]

You are flogging a dead horse. I'd make this the last outing and stop trying to force a relationship. Just let your DH make the effort if he wants his mum to see his son and don't let him blame you, just say, 'Well, it's YOUR mother.' Let it drift, no need to say anything, just stop.

[Eliza9917]

Can you change your tickets to another day and not go with them?

[Purplecatshopaholic]

Plenty of kids dont see their GPs or have them. Cut her off and stop trying to create a relationship she is not wanting. Its your DPs problem really to sort, he should be having a serious word with her if it matters that much to you

[DuckbilledSplatterPuff]

Am I right in thinking your parents are good grandparents to him? then that is all he needs.
Your MIL is clearly indicating that she's not interested. She's old enough to know that she is favouriting other GC over yours.. and hate to say it but she's doing that for your benefit, without considering how it will affect your DS.
She simply doesn't deserve him and I agree with those who say focus on building a good relationship with the cousins and protect his young and fragile self esteem from her actions.
Lower your expecttations from this woman, she's not for turning. If she does something nice, thats a pleasant bonus, but don't keep hurting yourself and being cut to the quick on your son's behalf by expecting her to behave like a normal loving grandparent when she's displayed several times that she seems to have no interest in doing that.
And as that is the case, say it to her straight "We invited just you on our day out so you could spend quality time with DS. I have noticed that you frequently prioritise the other grandchildren and make a fuss of them whilst DS is left on his own. That is not how a 7 year old should be treated, least of all by a grandparent. I hope you won't be doing that on this occasion as I won't tolerate it.
There is a slim chance she is unaware and will try to make up for it. But if she goes ahead and does it anyway, quietly split off from the group and leave them to it, and plan something else nice for DS where people will treat him well.

[KC225]

I think suck this trip up as the tickets have been arranged but in future, I would take a massive step back. You have tried to get her interested in your DS but it does seem strained. I would also store this trip as an example of you trying to make an effort and MIL hijacking it.

What is your relationship like with your SIL? Could you mention that you have noticed there is not much of a bond between MIL and your son? Ask her if MIL has said any thing? Can you invite SIL over for plays and visits, encourage that relationship?