To think I'll always be a fatty

[foreverfat]

I really do want to be told to sort myself out
I lost 3 stones on 2017 have regained the lot
Was so so hard to shift the Weight but so si easy to regain it
Feel like a lifetime of hating myself and starving then binging is impossible to reconcile
I have a good husband job kids bit can only think k about weight and what I'm going to eat or drink or not eat or drink.
I have a friend and all we ever talk about is weight
Slimming groups seem to perpetuate things.any ideas how can I actually change
I really do not want diabetes or weight related cancers but cannot see a way out of this

[DaiStation]

Also as others have said, be kind to yourself. Our culture really doesn't recognise that there are worse things than being fat - obviously it's good to be healthy but thin ain't the same thing. It's about rewiring your brain so that eating well and deliciously as well as finding exercise you enjoy become part pf bein nice to you.

[Clarl]

Is there any exercise you enjoy? I’d start with that. Go swimming, walking, to a workout class a couple times a week.

[Gone2far]

I hear you.
After I post this i'm going to my 1st Overeaters Anonymous meeting. I have no idea if it will work but desperately need something to help me cut my unhealthy relationship with food. I know what I should be doing but binge all the time.

[PostNotInHaste]

You can do it. It’s hard but not losing weight is hard as well as things are harder. And it turns out all my slim friends work hard at remaining that way with a couple of exceptions.

Exercise is the key. You can’t out run your fork but it really helps and the other benefits are huge. You have a choice. You’re getting older regardless and you can chose how you want your future. Do something different to what you have done before. If you have tried something and the weight has gone back on them it’s failed. Maybe try one more time but don’t keep repeating the same thing over and over again.

Get a Fitbit and see how active you are and ramp it up. Focus on food that you need to be healthy, so the smaller plate thing, just don’t give up. Don’t let one ‘bad’ meal, day or week lead to more. KOKO, keep on going on. Accept that weight fluctuates and look for a general downward trend instead of worrying about every pound.

[stevie69]

it was pretty obvious

Sorry Beebee8, it wasn't obvious to me.

I think we're both trying to help the OP but we have different views on the best methodology for doing so. I'm a compulsive over eater and struggle with my weight constantly. However, I absolutely don't buy into the fact that being overweight is the solution to a long and healthy life.

[JaneEyre07]

I can only sympathise OP. I've got T2 diabetes and am still around 5 stone overweight. I've lost 3 but hit a brick wall.

We went out yesterday for an early Mothers day treat with my Mum and 3 DDs. The waiter took a photo of us all, and I look absolutely huge on it.

It's been a bit of a wake up call tbh. I feel a bit sick about it. Something has to change.

[OverFedStanley]

Look at Team RH on facebook - be prepared for " creative" language.

[SmarmyMrMime]

As I understand it, the "benefits" of being overweight are for being mildly overweight in later life where it can help with resilence in old age when illnesses can hit harder. Being overweight in youth tends to be a result of poor habits rather than medical complications and accumulates into obesity overtime. Obesity, particularly where too much viseral fat is involved disrupts the body's functions such as insulin resistance leading to diabetes. Excess weight is also uncomfortable (bad backs from supporting heavy breasts, extra load for joints such as knees)

Metabolisms will naturally decline with age making weight gain easier. Loss of height will also distort BMI even if weight remains unchanged. It is normal for BMI to increase through middle age and old age.

Being well nourished and overweight (not obese) will compare favourably to being underweight where causes may be underlying health conditions or inadequate nutrition. (As well as some people with very high metabolisms!)

[SomewhereInbetween1]

If losing weight is the main objective then I would always recommend proper education about the science of weight loss, the true calorie content of what you're eating, as well as the macro-nutrients as 200cal of porridge is going to be much better for you and keep you fuller than 200cal of chocolate ( I know you know this, just an example that only counting calories can be misleading 😊)

[Beebee8]

Stevie

That absolutely wasn't what I what I was suggesting. Just trying to highlight what somebody later put in a better way - making yourself smaller will not necessarily make you healthier.

I relate to what you are saying and believe me, what I'm saying might sound extremist but it's probably just because I'm not very good at getting my point across

Constantly fighting yourself over what/how much you should be eating is bloody exhausting! Seriously..... Read the books (or just listen to the podcasts if you don't want to spend the money) I mentioned, you have nothing to lose and there is some really valuable information to be found there!

[sleepwhenidie]

Beebee8 nails it.

Hating your body and starving and punishing (through exercise you don\t enjoy) yourself to get to some 'right' notional weight does not then immediately turn you into someone who loves their body and treats it well. We are all suceptible to the notion that once we reach that 'target' weight, life will be wonderful and our lifestyle choices will be perfect. Funny that never happens! Try starting from the imagined end point...consider your body just fine as it is. Find a form of movement that you enjoy (or can at least accept as a regular part of life, like brushing your teeth). Dancing, walking, whatever. Do it regularly.

Make positive food choices - so mostly you eat the types of food that you know are beneficial to your body - but don't look at cake and chocolate as if it's the devil.

Practice eating intuitively, being aware that nobody eats 'perfectly' all the time.

This, long term, is more than likely to lead to weight loss, though you may never be the exact weight you think you should be or would like to be. You will be a whole lot happier and healthier.

[ifonly4]

OP, you've already lost weight, so you know you can do it. Give yourself another chance and try and loose that weight, ask your DH for longterm support.

Longterm, you don't have to go without anything, just eat slighly smaller meals, have one or two meals that are lower calorie and look at other options, so if you have to have a treat with your coffee, rather than some cake and couple of biscuits might be lower calorie.

If you can exercise more, swimming, cycling (10/15 mins is my limit but better than nothing), exercise class whatever appeals. Walking to the shops instead of taking the car, playing with kids more, some exercises at home, it all helps.

[feelingverylazytoday]

I thought that as well, OP. But now I've lost weight, got myself into the healthy weight category and plan on losing a few more pounds. I'm also fitter at age 58 than I've ever been. I guess I've been 'not fat' for about a year now.
Sorry, but it is as simple as calories in/calories out, but the trick is to learn a way of doing it that doesn't feel like a 'diet' or 'restricting food' (I'm excluding people with actual medical issues here).
I agree with Thecats re exercising, but then I walk about 8-10 miles and swim for an hour most days. Even then, I still have to be a little bit careful about what I eat and keep the snacking under control.
There's a subreddit called /fatlogic that I find helpful, though I suspect it won't be too popular with everyone. It's good at debunking the old pseudoscience though, which is why I like it.

[CaptSkippy]

I have struggled a lot with my weight too, but I found comics like these very comforting:

www.webtoons.com/en/drama/big-jo/list?title_no=854

It's a heartwarming comic about a big girl in highschool who takes up running and loves, yet there are not magic transformations about her body. She just learns to enjoy it and use it as is. She also learns that she is quite strong and healthy regardless of her weight.

[stevie69]

That absolutely wasn't what I what I was suggesting. Just trying to highlight what somebody later put in a better way - making yourself smaller will not necessarily make you healthier

I relate to what you are saying and believe me, what I'm saying might sound extremist but it's probably just because I'm not very good at getting my point across grin

Constantly fighting yourself over what/how much you should be eating is bloody exhausting! Seriously..... Read the books (or just listen to the podcasts if you don't want to spend the money) I mentioned, you have nothing to lose and there is some really valuable information to be found there!

OK, I get you now Sorry, I didn't mean to have a go at you; not my intention at all. I do the constant fighting with myself over what I eat. To be honest, I find it OK (I'm pretty anally retentive at times ) — but I 100% see why it wouldn't work for most people.

Like you say, there's loads of information. It's all about finding something that works for you

[1Wildheartsease]

Yes - you can lose weight and keep it off. (People fail at this... but people succeed too.)

First you need to think about how the weight accumulated (or returned). Where exactly did you end up regularly consuming a little more than you needed?

Next you need to look at all the many many options there are for losing weight and choose one you can live with, for life. It can't be a temporary 'lose X stones and then stop'. You've tried that and it doesn't work long term.

To lose weight everyone needs to eat less than they use up.
To stay at the chosen weight they need to live everyday life eating less than they did when they were accumulating weight.

How can you both of these things? It will mean changing your eating (and possibly that of your family) so it does mean that you need to choose carefully. This is quite a big thing.

There are many choices for losing weight - at least one will work long-term for you- but you have to find it and you will have to address your life so that you can change from your previous 'normal'.

[SurgeHopper]

Any of this sounding good, op?

We're here to help

[Jebuschristchocolatebar]

I think the big issue with diet regimes is they don’t put enough emphasis on exercise and a healthy lifestyle. If you want to change for good you need to fundamentally change the way you live.

[1Wildheartsease]

Your experience resonates with me! I had years of struggle and long long periods of fighting to stay at a chosen weight. The desire to eat (too much) remained. All seemed hopeless to me too.

Recently I discovered that eating carby things (even tropical fruits or bread or pasta) makes me hungry. (Low-carb bootcamp on here showed me that there are reasons for this.) Swerving past them is easier than counting calories for me and I lose weight slowly but steadily in a way that is comfortable.

If I don't eat very carby things for a while, my appetite (that desperate need to put them in my mouth even though I've eaten a meal and shouldn't be hungry) just stops!

I can eat like a normal person. I used to have to allow calories for cake/biscuit/chocolate every day and to long to have more. Now the desire for these things has simply dulled. It isn't all about will-power any more. It seems so strange.

I've been doing this happily for almost a year and intend to continue. Being lighter has helped me to be more lively too.

There will be a way that works for you. Believe this - and experiment until you find it. (Low-carb bootcamp on here - run by the amazing BIWI and informed by the equally amazing Stuntnun- is very welcoming if you want to try that.)

Just don't give up :)

[Geekster1963]

I'm one of the lucky ones. I lost three stones with slimming world. I stopped going almost three years ago and stopped following it (though I never followed it to the letter). It took me a good couple of years to lose the weight, and I've kept it off.

I eat to appetite these days and I don't deprive myself. I will have days when I'm hungry and will eat more but its balanced out on the days I'm not as hungry.

One of the big changes I made five years ago was starting running regularly. I did the couch to 5k and I run around 14 miles a week. I think it helped that I did the two together and I think I must have gained some muscle which burns more calories even at rest.

It's really hard to find what works for you long term.

[FuckertyBoo]

I think I must have gained some muscle which burns more calories even at rest.

I’ve heard this^^ too, which is why I’m a really big fan of getting some exercise if you can, even if you aren’t your ideal weight. I’ve heard so many women saying how they want to do some exercise, but that they don’t want to go while they feel fat! I have seen all shapes and sizes at the classes I go to and honestly, nobody cares less.

Have you tried yoga op? It’s accessible to everyone I think, (obviously depending on the class - if you sign up for advanced ashtanga as a beginner, God help you ). I’ve always found it great for strengthening and toning. When I was at my fittest, it was when I did several ashtanga classes a week. Best exercise for me.

[ostinato]

I'm another saying that permanent changes are more suitable than "diets" (it's just unhelpful we use the same word for "weight-loss programme" as "how do you eat regularly").

In your shoes I would start by looking at why I was overweight...keep a food diary to see where the excess calories are coming from. You might think it's obvious, but even if you exclude the obvious you might find your calorie intake is still too high.

Related to this is exploring what motivates the eating...hunger, boredom, habit, emotion etc. and start practising mindful eating - thinking about what you're eating and why each time you put food in your mouth. A useful trick here is to think about whether it's a mealtime, and if not to consider not eating for 20 minutes after you first think of eating something. If you still want to eat after the 20 minutes, have a small, healthy snack. Most of the time you'll probably have forgotten about eating after the 20 minutes though.

The next step is portion control. If budget allows, get a few healthy eating meals from M&S (decent quality) and see how much food you get in a 400 cal meal. This is about the right amount when you add a drink and desert of some kind. People are often shocked how little this looks but it's a great visual to show what a portion should look like (particularly pasta!)

The final aspect is not to have any banned foods as this more than anything else makes people obsess about food. Allow yourself to eat any type of food you want, but limit the amount of that food. I maintain a healthy weight (size 8-10) but have a glass of wine and some chocolate every day. It's just a small glass and 4 x individual good quality chocolates (needs to be good quality as cheap chocolate has too much sugar).

Exercise is also important as it boosts the metabolism as well as having MH benefits, but as pp have said, most people don't have the time to outrun a bad diet.

[outpinked]

I’m in a battle with it too. Always envious of people who don’t gain weight easily, I have to work very hard not to gain weight .

I lost seven stone in a year and was the slimmest I’d been in years but I gained a couple of stone back when I was going through a shit time then got pregnant and gained another couple of stone so now have four stone to lose .

Finding it difficult to motivate myself when I’m always so tired and stuck in the drudgery of every day living. Was hoping to lose at least half of the weight before I returned to work in September from mat leave but it isn’t happening. What generally happens is I start the week off really well then when the weekend rolls around DP is a terrible influence and I’ll end up pigging out with him. He doesn’t really gain weight so has no concept of my struggles, sigh.

[Geekster1963]

Yes I agree about the permanent changes, it needs to be 'second nature'. That's why I couldn't have sustained slimming world because it did feel to restrictive to me and I didn't want to spend the rest of my life writing down everything I ate.

With running it's just become habit and a way of life after five years. If say I'm unwell and don't run for a couple of weeks I always go back to it now. I actually need to run and get grumpy if I haven't been out for a few days.

It's finding something you like doing.

[Siameasy]

Low Carb Bootcamp on here is great - seconded!

OP you are not alone. I spent my life thinking about food and then trying not to give in. Willpower doesn’t work- high fat low carb is a way of eating that eliminates the need for willpower because you just aren’t hungry any more. But you do have to be prepared to quit all sugar and flour completely and view them as drugs

I really recommend reading Why We Get Fat by Gary Taubes. Hint - calories in and out are not the full story. When you understand how to fatten a human you can then understand how to do the exact opposite in your life