A and B are sisters. A has 4 dc aged 7-1. B has 2 dc aged 2 and 7m.
When B had her first dc, A was very supportive and provided a lot of the stuff A needed. When A subsequently had her 4th dc, B sent back various items she was no longer using, along with some items which were new for B. Some of these A then returned to her for use with B's second dc. Overall, A has spent far more money on the items that have been used by both sisters than B.
Recently, A asked B to return a specific toy that A's youngest dc is now at the appropriate stage to use. B said that her oldest dc was still using the toy - would a new replacement of the item be acceptable to A? B said no - for good reasons, she wanted the originally lent item back. B agreed to return the toy.
However, the conversation caused some bad feeling between A and B. B says A did not ever use the words 'lend' or 'borrow' when providing the items to B but feels that, as sisters, this should not need to be explicated. B feels the reverse, claims that she never requested help from A and stated that if there are other items that A has 'lent' to B, then A should say what they are because B did not understand that these items were on loan. B said she would not be able to give back loaned items if she did not know what they were! B feels angry that A was not clear about wanting certain items back. She said she would not have accepted children's toys 'on loan'. A feels angry that B has taken her assistance for granted and has not acknowledged the financial value of the items.
A responded with a list of items - two higher value items and a few more specific toys, and requested that these be returned today. A said that she is struggling financially, and can either make use of the items herself (and therefore not be out of pocket for similar items) or resell them and bring in much needed funds. B is coming to the end of mat. leave, with not much to spare herself, but is not struggling as much as A who is a SAHM and has recently had her tax credits cut. B said that she will need to replace some of the items, some of which are necessities (breastpump) others of which will be missed by her toddler, who doesn't understand why her toys have been taken away. A told B that she cannot afford to be out of pocket on account of things she's already paid for once. B told A that her restricted finances are a result of her decision to stay at home and are not anyone else's problem. A told B that she is done with the sharing of items and that the future of the whole relationship was in question. B cut A off, and ended the call, saying to A that she was coming close to saying things she would come to regret. B returned the items (via a third party) and so far no further messages have been exchanged.
Obviously I am one of these people. If my sister is reading, she'll certainly recognise herself as I've been pretty specific! I've tried to be neutral, although obviously that's hard. Who was being unreasonable?
AIBU?
Who was unreasonable? A return of borrowed baby things...
Cleanmywindows · 03/03/2019 23:13
With my first pregnancy, I was naive and received a lot of bags of clothes and equipment from different people.
Most of the baby vests and sleepsuits looked the same to me.
One lady wanted some of the stuff back when we were done with it. But after DD was born she needed tiny baby clothes, which a neighbour lent us. Definitely lent.
And subsequently went through the wash with something dark ( 
) so I never used the stuff from the woman who wanted her bag of stuff back eventually, because I have form for damaging white and light clothes.
I don't even know if I gave her the right bags back after, either.
The whole thing felt horrid.
But I suffer with bad guilt complexes.
I've also had a lot of people pass on, or sell items I've lent them. I learnt to let it go. The few thousand pounds worth of reusable nappies, babyslings and buggies and breastpumps and cool outfits and shoes and other equipment.... I'm an idiot.
From the outside, I'm pissed off that A didn't specify 'lend' and that certain items may need returning at a certain point.
B should replace the toy which is wanted back, giving her own child the new one.
If A is that desperate for the money, B could offer to buy the expensive items at second hand price.
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