Seperating dogs from toddler at Xmas

[StoppinBy]

Sorry for the long post in advance, I will make it as brief as possible

My Mum invited my family (DH, Me, DD5 & DS19Months) to hers for Xmas. She has 12 dogs, 10 small ones, 2 big ones. Before accepting I asked what she would be doing with the dogs on the day, she replied 'I will separate them if I have to'. I take that as, yep no problems, dogs wont be with the kids and accept.

Following week my Nephews visit and I invite my Mum over, she lives half an hour away but will be working in town and have one of her big dogs with her. I ask her to either crate (all her dogs are crate trained for night sleeping/when they are away at dog shows etc) the dog or put her in the yard while everyone is here so I don't have to watch DS19mnth constantly. She refused and met the boys elsewhere with their Dad (she hasn't seen them for 5 years and they live 13 hours away interstate that is why I invited her to mine to visit when they came down for a funeral and had a quick stopover at my house).

I smell a rat about her separating dogs on Xmas day so chicken out for days avoiding the conversation call her to discuss what she meant when she said when she said she would separate the dogs if she had to.

Turns out she wants to have the littlies in crates that she thinks are not ok with the kids, the rest in the kitchen and the biggies in the kitchen where we are (almost all of the littlies growl at the kids and she has said things before like 'as long as they don't run the dog's will be fine with them' as if toddlers are capable of refraining from running so dogs don't bit them)I tell her that is fine, it's her house she can do as she pleases but we also will be making a choice not to come if she is unwilling to separate the dogs from the kids as I don't want to spend the whole day making sure DS is kept away and safe from the dogs, that I would like to relax too and I can't do that with the dogs freely running the house.

Convo ends in her telling me 'well fk off then, don't f**ing come' so pretty clear we wont be there. All sorted

But now my brother gets in on the act telling me I am being a drama queen, totally ridiculous and over the top, my Mum's dogs wont hurt the kids etc etc etc. My Mum is telling him half truths and not once has he been present when the kids have been at my Mum's and seen the way the dogs behave. For context he is 23 and childless. I tell him about the way the dogs have acted and he replies 'well you need to teach kids to behave around dogs, not the other way round'...… call me stupid but in my house if my dog bit my kid just for running around the house it would seem like pretty unacceptable behaviour.

Even after telling him one of her dogs bit me for no reason - I walked on to the back porch to speak to my Mum who was in the backyard with the dogs and one of them ran in to the porch, bit me hard enough to draw blood then ran off again before I had time to react - he told me it must be my fault as she had only ever bitten me

At that point I say to him that when he has his own children and dogs he can raise them as he likes but I choose to have dogs who don't growl at and bite visitors and sarcastically thank him for his parenting advice..... then it takes a nasty turn with him replying with 'well you can get fed and don't bother talking to me again (charming family as you see).


My Mum has for a long time prioritised her real children - her dogs - over us human kids but this refusal to see her dogs as anything other than angels is too far for me and I refuse to put my children in potential harms way just to make her happy..... AIBU or is this a reasonable stance to take.

[Monty27]

Especially with lots of food being cooked. Presumably.
I am a dog lover too.

[Malwoddy]

Your mum sounds mentally unwell.

I absolutely wouldn't go.

[FruminousBandersnatch]

"She is neither a great Mum or Grandma and once told my brother that the only three mistakes she made in her life were her three children so it is no great loss that we see very little of her anyway."

Even without the dogs this would be enough to make me never want to see her again. Fuck that.

[StoppinBy]

Just to clarify, yes my Mum is on a small property and she shows/breeds her dogs, the ones who have gone to homes seem to be very loving towards their human siblings. Yes my Mum loves her dogs more than her kids but so be it, nothing I say will change that and I accepted it a long time ago.

My Mum's dogs are unsocialised with children and are fear aggressive towards them, they will run out from under the table growling or from one end of the island bench to the other. The dogs behave the way they do because with just my Mum and her partner there most of the time the dogs have no need usually to do anything apart from laze about on the couches or follow them round the house. They are not expected to do anything else.

They are disobedient because the way they behave is acceptable when it is just the two of them there.

We actually grew up as a family who trained and trialled dogs to a very high standard in both obedience and dog sports and I find it shocking that since she has switched to showing instead of that (the last dog she trialled was probably 10 years ago) her dogs now don't even know how to so much as sit and they sure don't know how to stay or 'lay on your bed'. They bench surf and climb on the tables if you leave the chairs out. They are plain naughty but they have learned to always push in the chairs and not leave stuff on the bench rather than teach the dogs the correct way to behave.

If she wants that many dogs then that is her prerogative, she is allowed them where she lives and they are all well cared for however they are definitely a pack and she just cannot see that even having 4 or 5 of the little ones out and the two biggies can end in something horrible happening.

I can't wrap my head around where her basic knowledge of animal behaviour and what not seems to have gone. None of the statistics are a surprise to me because we BOTH already know them.

[StoppinBy]

Sorry that should say the pups that have gone to homes with children ^^

[digger2014]

Definately not being unreasonable. When we had our dog I was so conscious of having young children in the house and made sure I was with the dog at all times, or shut them in another room for a while. Although our dog had never had a problem with children you never, ever know. You are right...its dangerous. Definatley do not go there.

[Klobuchar]

YANBU. At all.

Many a family gathering has been ruined by my s-I-l and her bloody indulged dogs and there are only two of them.

Have a lovely Christmas at home yourselves, but do make it up with your mum. Life is short.

[OnceUponAGiraffe]

When I had my first child, it became rapidly apparent that my parents’ (large, mouthy, not greatly trained) dog took priority over their human grandchild. I mean I knew it took priority over me, but I had hoped...

Six years later the dog has died and won’t be replaced, and they’re just starting to think about playing happy families. For example they proudly announced “well we should choose a child friendly pub for a family celebration because after all the grandchildren are part of the family” and I’m supposed to be happy they’ve stated the flipping obvious.

Yanbu. The dogs won’t choose your mother’s care home.

[HoppingPavlova]

You are doing the right thing.

[Blondebakingmumma]

Dear god! I wouldn’t want to go to your mum’s house for Christmas let alone take children with me!

[Phillipa12]

Yanbu. Im hosting 19 this year, 10 of which are children. There will be 5 well trained dogs in the house who are used to 3 boistrous under 5s, the dogs however will be spending the day in the utility away from the mayhem. Its the safest place for the dogs on what will be a very hectic day. Enjoy xmas without the worry op.

[MakeAHouseAHome]

YABU. It is her house. I would never lock my dogs away for anyone. Don't like it, don't go...

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Oh god . That’s not BU
Make your own plans

OP sounds like there is more to this than just the dogs TBH

As she clearly is not parenting her dogs very well either

[SnuggyBuggy]

As an adult I wouldn't enter a house with a pack of 12 dogs never mind with a small child.

[trojanpony]

Yanbu I’m sorry your family are like this but I’d hold the line quite firmly on this topic and I say this as a dog lover/owner

[Pachyderm1]

They sound grim, you’re well shot of having to spend time with them over christmas!

[LEMtheoriginal]

Fuck that - i am a vet nurse and people like your mother boil my piss. If she knew anything about dogs she would know that statistically it is grandchildren who are the most frequent victims of dog bites.

She is right, if your toddler runs or shrieks then that is the time the dogs are likely to bite. Toddlers shriek and run, its Christmas and everyone will be excited but your toddler is expected to tiptoe around.

Don't go! Enjoy christmas - let her have Christmas dinner with her dogs.

[CherryPavlova]

The house must smell nice! No, I wouldn’t put a child in with 12 dogs and ours is crated if a child comes to the house, despite being a gentle beast. You can’t tell how they’ll react if teased.

[IPromiseIWontBeNaughty]

YANBU but you know that. Your mother on the other hand is clearly barking - see what I did there??

[Howtodeal]

Bloody hell! I LOVE dogs, but 12??!! We have one dog who is not good around strangers, doesn't like too much noise / activity and can be fear aggressive, although she has never bitten anyone. For that reason I never invite friends to bring their small children to our house, it's just too difficult. We either meet elsewhere or they come alone. Keeping dog(s) separate is actually quite difficult unless you have a completely separate room where the dog is happy to stay for hours on end (mine isn't, she gets quite stressed at the 'rules' changing) so I don't even bother trying.

And on top of that your mother swore at you and has said awful things about you and your siblings?!

YADDDNBU!! Stay home and have a lovely Christmas, and do not feel guilty!!

[StoppinBy]

@makeahouseahome….. did you miss the part where she invited me and said she would separate them..... then said actually that wasn't her plan at all then when I said (quite politely by the way) that was fine, it was her choice but we wouldn't be coming that she got mad at me for not coming?

That she then told my brother that I hadn't told whether I was coming after she swore at me to not f***g come?

100% you can do what you like in your own house but you cannot bully people in to being ok with it just because you think it is fine.

To make it perfectly clear to you …. I only agreed to go because she selectively used words to trick me in to thinking she would separate the dogs from the kids.

Maybe reread the post then see if you need to amend/delete your irrelevant comment. P.S Are you a crazy dog person too?

[MakeAHouseAHome]

Even if, as you claim, she originally agreed to seperate them, the point is that now she has decided she doesn't want to lock her dogs away which is totally upto her.

As you say you aren't going now anyway which clearly suits all parties involved. But YABU to expect her to lock her dogs away because you don't want them round the toddler.

[WoahBaby]

Ooooh OP, YANBU at all! Poor pack management of 12 dogs, small children, loads of food, different people in the house?? No way, I wouldn't go either. You've got everyone's support here.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your own little gang xx

[IPromiseIWontBeNaughty]

Are you the ops mum MakeAHouse

[StoppinBy]

Please pull out your reading and comprehension skills...….. she is mad because I wont come because she wants to have the dogs in with the kids...… she in fact is mad and being nasty because I wont allow her to have her cake and eat it too.

Please you are just making a fool of yourself now by not reading the post.

I am not mad she wont put the dogs away, I do not care what she does in her own house BUT I will not put my kids in that situation and she is hurt that I don't trust her dogs (her words by the way) and that I wont bring the kids.

Please let me repeat for you, I am happy to not go...… my brother and my Mum are being nasty BECAUSE I WONT GO!