To think she was rude! Trick or Treating, am I a CF?

[forwhatyouare]

Long story short, we went trick or treating as an extended family tonight. About 5 kids in total, including my 1 year old.

I came to the door for every knock (we only knock on decorated houses or those with a few pumpkins), and collected sweets in a bag for my DS.

On one of the knocks, I collected a sweet in the bag and the woman who answered pulled me to the side and said "He looks cute, he's getting these for you though I suppose "

I said "haha", thinking I had mistaken her tone and she was joking. She was not. She said "I saw you eating them from across the road".

If truth be told, I was eating a sweet a little earlier.

AIBU to say this is bloody rude?!

Just give sweets to wherever is dressed up or don't at all. It would be different if I was dressed for Halloween and there alone, but I was standing with DS in my arms, with 4 little children surrounding me... Hardly the cheeky fucker of the century.

[Giantbanger]

Google PKU mynew it is a condition where children from birth need to avoid dairy and meat. There are other similar conditions with an inability to digest protein.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

Is he vegetarian because he has an allergy to meat? I assume it’s not a ethical choice as you and DP are happy to eat haribo and he’s not old enough to make such a decision. Just asking because I’m curious, I’ve never heard of needing to be veggie due to an intolerance but I’m not very glued up in that area. Is an allergy to meat something that often goes hand in hand with an allergy to dairy?

[Devora13]

Unless you were grabbing a handful, IMO it was the height of bad manners to call you out on this. Did you ask for her opinion? I do dress up too, and although I don't take sweets for myself, a lot of households ask if I'd like one. Whatever the protocol, there is something seriously messed up about a person who stands around curtain twitching to see who eats what.

[mathanxiety]

Blimey, so many elements of the celebration of Hallowe'en have been completely lost en route from the US to the UK.

The candy is not a reward for making an effort.
The candy is not dished out only to those the door-answerer considers deserving or appropriate.
The candy could all be thrown out for all anyone knows, once the recipients get home.
The candy could equally all be scarfed by the parents or the dog and this doesn't matter either.

This is because the point is not the fecking candy, people.

Yes, candy is heavily involved, but it's the fun, the community, and once again, the fun that matters. The fact that young and old dress up and traipse around the neighbourhood meeting and greeting neighbours. It is the Unclenching.

The number one element to remember is that preoccupation with the concepts of deserving vs. undeserving, and appropriate vs. inappropriate - and strictness about rules in general - is not a part of Hallowe'en.

[Carriecakes80]

I've four kids and until they turn 3 or 4 we never took them trick or treating, whethr their outfits were bog standard or not lol. Just because he had a nice outfit that doesn't mean you should get sweets for it lol.

You were joining in just by being dressed up and going out with the kids, you didn't need to collect for the baby (or you). The sweets are strictly for the kids who can knock and say Trick or Treat! ;-) x

[SpottingTheZebras]

Oh go away! If OP wants to give her kid sweets (whatever suitable means to her) then that's her choice.

But she didn’t though. She wanted to eat them which is the point of this thread!

[RebelWitchFace]

He is one! No sweets at all are suitable.

Oh go away! If OP wants to give her kid sweets (whatever suitable means to her) then that's her choice.

[SpottingTheZebras]

I didn't just select sweets he couldn't eat. I looked for something he could have, and if there was anything, he got it. If they only had for example haribo and chocolate, I took some of that for myself. I wouldn't have done so if there were a suitable option for him!

He is one! No sweets at all are suitable. I would have given one token sweet at the end and left it at that. You didn’t need to collect for him at all.

[forwhatyouare]

You freely admit you were collecting sweets for a child to not eat. You chose them and chose things he couldn’t eat, so you and you husband could eat them. She was right. You are rude.

I didn't just select sweets he couldn't eat. I looked for something he could have, and if there was anything, he got it. If they only had for example haribo and chocolate, I took some of that for myself. I wouldn't have done so if there were a suitable option for him!

[forwhatyouare]

You’ve say he’s veggie and dairy free but you are eating this and breastfeeding? Do you not know this then passes through your breast milk?

Yes, I'm aware thank you. No need for the eye roll. As a small baby, I couldn't have dairy as it would cause reaction to him. However, from about 9 months, he was fine with me having it and therefore it being in my breastmilk. But he can not tolerate any type of dairy he eats by himself. He even gets bloody nappies from it

[mathanxiety]

Tessabelle nail on the head.

[ChanklyBore]

I am in my late 30s.

I went trick or treating as a child in England. With my friends.

We would make a Guy for the bonfire with the Halloween pumpkin for the head and we would do penny for the Guy. And ran around chumping for wood to make the bonfire.

We were also mischievous on mischievous night. Nov 4th. We would cover cars in shaving foam, change the dates of events on the community notice board, egg houses, knock on doors and run away, raid on other peoples bonfires.

Then we would have a bonfire in the field on the 5th, burn the Guy nd let off fireworks.

Maybe we were little shits, I don’t know.

[BackBoiler]

@rtmwales I did trick and treating as a kid and I am in my 30s!

[9ofpentangles]

Yes. I think she was rude. The 1 year old was obviously enjoying taking part. Did she really not expect to put something in his bucket? What should she have done otherwise?

[Bananacakes]

forwhatyouare

Fair enough! Seems I was unreasonable then. I'm happy to accept that.

Yes, I did mainly take the sweets for myself because most of them weren't suitable for my DS. But he's had the ones he could eat. Me and DH have eaten all the chocs, Haribo etc

Although I still think it was odd of her to be so peeved off by me. By the end of our walk around, people were telling us all to take a handful since they had so many left.

We left a bowl out of last year's sweets that we forgot to hand out. They were all gone too when we got back


😂 so obviously you were being unreasonable.
You freely admit you were collecting sweets for a child to not eat. You chose them and chose things he couldn’t eat, so you and you husband could eat them. She was right. You are rude.
And you left out sweets which were over a year old and therefore most likely out of date, also rude.

[Mydietstartstomorrow]

You’ve say he’s veggie and dairy free but you are eating this and breastfeeding? Do you not know this then passes through your breast milk? 🙄

[Willow2017]

We always had school dances at the end of the year too. 6th year leavers were responsible for setting the theme and doing the decorations. Was great fun just a 'disco' but always well attended by pupils and teachers alike.
No different from proms really but without the expectations of costly prom dresses and limos you hear about now. (Not that i have noticed limos at ds's school so maybe its not such a big deal round here 😀)

I always say we only have guisers at our house and most of them do have a song or a joke even if they dont volunteer it till asked but for those who dont i still give them sweets why wouldnt i? Kids having fun how dare they! Not everything new is 'bad'.
Its just a great night, community spirit, lots of lovely costumes and houses decorated. Its a lovely thing to do when the nights are drawing in.

[Polkasq]

In the 70s (England, rural) I remember occasional Halloween parties with apple bobbing, carved pumpkins or turnips, and dressing up as a witch or ghost. No trick or treat whatsoever, and no zombies, fake blood or creepy clowns.

In the 80s it was the same, parties but no trick or treat. Mischief Night did happen though. Some of the "mischief" was genuinely funny but some was just mild annoyances.

When trick or treat became more popular it was annoying to a lot of people. Many trick-or-treaters just knocked on all the doors, whether there were any decorations/pumpkins or not. You might not have sweets to give out because you had either never heard of T-or-T or weren't interested. It did seem like "begging" as the adult generations hadn't had the tradition themselves and now there were people knocking at the door threatening an unspecified "trick" if you didn't give them a treat they approved of. The local paper gave out posters saying "No trick or treat thank you" for people to put in the window.

The etiquette of only going to houses with a pumpkin 🎃 is much better. Occasionally the door is answered by a scary clown/zombie who jumps out and it's too frightening for some.

I preferred the other autumn traditions such as harvest festival which always had a beautifully done display of local produce which was then given to those in need. Bonfire night was very popular too.

I realise everyone has their own experiences and traditions and it's interesting to read about them all.

[Tessabelle1]

Are people really that tight that they begrudge a parent, who has bought costumes, dressed the kids and trudged around the streets with them, a few sweets?? I couldn't care less who ate them, feed them to the dog for all I care, it's all about getting out and talking to your neighbours, admiring the kids costumes etc, people are so encapsulated in their own lives now its great to see people on the streets!

[KC225]

Face it OP you were rumbled. She caught you scoffing the sweets. And you admit you ate MOST of the sweets. She wasn't being rude, she was.letting you know she had the measure of you.

[AutumnEvenings]

TooMuchTidying

A person I met recently at work told me he was looking forward to retiring in the near future. He suggested that once people left work and were just classed as "old", it meant they could say exactly what they thought about things that they didn't agree with in life, without repercussions. He has a point.

[AutumnEvenings]

mathanxiety

My Mother always made an apple pie for us at Halloween in the 1960s, it had a sixpence coin or a cheap ring wrapped in baking paper hidden inside.

There was great suspense when the pie was served. It dated back to my GM farming roots in the Fermanagh area of NI. There were always plenty of apples around in the autumn, but Barmbrack would have done just as well.

We were only allowed to trick or treat on immediate neighbours with children in the family, who were well known to our parents.

I recall hearing that there were "Dancing Masters" who used to travel round villages in Ireland and would hold classes for the local girls. Possibly this was linked to the debs balls. The Dancing Master was referred to in one of the songs played by Horslips in the 1970s, Mad Pat.

[TooMuchTidying]

It's cute when kids dress up and hold out their bag for sweets.

It's ridiculous when a grown woman stands next to them holding out her own bag, which is ostensibly what you were doing.

She said something, it was rude, but it's probably also what everyone else was thinking when they saw you on their doorstep with your own baggie.

[plaidlife]

We have had a couple of Halloweens in the US now and while they are different from the ones we had in Scotland as DC they are also similar. They don't involve lots of grabby DC, they are very much community affairs, everyone from small DC through 20 somethings to older people get involved in some way, everyone is polite and friendly. I am very clear that Halloween isn't a new import to the UK but I also really like the US of Halloween as well. This is in a large US city with a tough reputation so I imagine it is a pleasant celebration pretty much everywhere in the US.

[Catsinthecupboard]

@fieldgold Tricking can be smashing pumpkins, soaping windows, hopefully harmless fun. I suppose if someone isn't disposed to enjoying Halloween, then finding that they were victims of Tricking, it would not be fun. So not harmless?

I have heard tales that outdoor toilets have been tipped over since forever.

Even once when somebody was in it. But I think that was childish and quite awful of my grandmother!