Any bi polar sufferers?

[NotUmbongoUnchained]

Something is happening to me atm and I’m not sure what to do.
I’m absolutely a ball of rage and I can’t seem to ease it. I’ve just walked out of the house and I’m sitting in the car. I’m posting in here to distract myself and I’m just pissing everyone off.
I’ve not experienced this before.

[TheDarkPassenger]

Oh I’m really sorry, I know exactly how you feel but I know that doesn’t help at all. Do you have any diazepam? I’d take one and go to bed personally.
Do you have a hobby? One that might focus your mind? Or an iPad game? iPad games are a saviour to me sometimes even if it’s just to drop me off to sleep!

[recklessruby]

OP you could be rapid cycling into a manic episode. Your thoughts are distracting and you want everything right now.
Can you talk to anyone irl tonight?
Fwiw I didn't find the out of hours mental health team much use but the Samaritans were great.

[UpstartCrow]

Yeah I only go when I'm desperate.

[NotUmbongoUnchained]

I’m ok. I’m just sat in my car.
I hate speaking to therapists, they always make me feel worse. They really don’t care here so the whole thing is pointless.

[UpstartCrow]

Sorry, that was an ill timed cross post.

Do you feel safe? Should you go to A&E?

[UpstartCrow]

NotUmbongoUnchained How are you doing?

[Flutternotsoshy]

If your psychiatrist is anything like mine, I didn't see them for ages because I felt like I didn't have a problem, as I was managing a lot better.
When it came back I rang up and told them that I was under Dr whatshisname before and my problems were back.
Got an appointment with original doctor. Took a month, but was quicker than GP referral.

[NotUmbongoUnchained]

I’m not going to, but I really want to hurt myself. I feel like that’s the only way of releasing this atm. I’d actually welcome mania right now.
My body wants everything right now, it’s so overwhelming.

[recklessruby]

I have bipolar. 2 years ago I could have written this. I used to spend late nights sobbing in my car too. I took on 3 jobs in a manic phase then had a breakdown.
I m ashamed of my rage now. I once broke a work door from slamming it so hard.
I m on a cocktail of tablets now and it works. Lamotrigine is my friend.
It helps that I get higher daily living pip so only work part time.

[TheDarkPassenger]

Sorry I just read you don’t see anyone. Maybe it’s time to go back? Did you see a therapist? Can you call their office? They shouldn’t really have just let you slip off the radar that’s quite unfair considering the nature of our disorder.

I wouldn’t recommend driving but can you get to a field or something and just shout? Scream, shout, moan anything to get that energy out.

You say you rapid cycle... will you become manic after this? I know that’s the scariest part sometimes.

[FissionChips]

Google Bipolar rage, it’s well known but not often talked about.

I find beating the wall with a pillow helps quite a bit or smashing some crockery (cheap ugly plates from the charity shop).

You should to contact you GP or psychiatrist, they won’t take your children. Contacting them and asking for help shows that you are aware and trying to sort things, it’s a positive action.

[TheDarkPassenger]

They won’t take your children away! Especially not if you’ve got a loving caring partner at home. The only time you’ll ever be away from them is hospitalisation and that’s the same as if you had to have an operation or something.
Did they diagnose you borderline personality? They flirted between the two for me too, I can see why as the symptoms are almost identical. Are you on meds? Can you request a review?

[Flutternotsoshy]

Don't worry, they won't take your kids away.
You've said that you've got a good relationship, and when you've seen the signs you've taken yourself away from the situation. So shouldn't be any safeguarding issues.
But I think you should call and make an appointment to speak to your specialist/consultant (sorry I'm tired so have lost correct terminology)

We all have our bad days and backslide. But if you're feeling like this then maybe you need a review, and someone who has the training is going to be better than randomers on the internet (with greatest respect to everyone on this thread who is battling)

[TheDarkPassenger]

I don’t box with other people, I box alone in a room just me and the bags. Sometimes my friend too as she uses it to vent frustration about her abusive husband. I dunno if I’d trust myself to box someone else 🙈

[NotUmbongoUnchained]

They keep changing it. First they said border line, then they said type 2, then they say rapid cycling. I don’t see anyone now. I don’t want them to take my kids away.

[Flutternotsoshy]

OP have you got a formal diagnosis? And if so are you still seeing someone on a regular basis for reviews?

[CantankerousCamel]

Yes! Boxing really helped me too. I really enjoyed it, but I find the insular nature of boxing/MMA gyms too difficult to manage

[TheDarkPassenger]

What are you taking? Do you need a med review? Are you type one or two?

[NotUmbongoUnchained]

I’m trying to accept it, that it’s just how I am but it’s making me so angry. I have a great job, earn good money, perfect husband, perfect kids, beautiful house, yet I’m 90% sure if someone handed me a gun I’d blow my brains out.

[TheDarkPassenger]

Hi! I’m bipolar. One of my biggest issues before was rage, I used to end up locking myself in my bathroom and literally beating myself black and blue so that I wasn’t beating anyone else up. Once I punched my head so hard I blacked out.. I absolutely do not recommend this but wanted to tell you how I dealt with it. I joined a boxing gym! And wow the energy I release there is amazing! And the best thing is that now I seem to subconsciously know it’s there I don’t even have to use it so often anymore.

My new thing in this episode is anxiety so high that I constantly feel like you would if someone was breaking into your house in the middle of the night, diazepam only takes the edge off and my head hurts so bad from tensing.

We’re never going to be normal and sometimes it makes me really sad and frightened for the future.. I feel like one day I’m just going to lose my mind but then I remember that it is treatable and there are people to help. Do you have a CPN?

[NotUmbongoUnchained]

I don’t think I’m stressed. Nothing has happened. My brain is just shit and it doesn’t work like a normal persons does. I’m so desperately sad all the time, even though my life is pretty perfect.

[CantankerousCamel]

Unmedicated bipolar monkey here . You need weight training, it’s the only thing that pushes out all the drama

[UpstartCrow]

Can you do some strenuous physical activity?

[Flutternotsoshy]

💐 I know that feeling.

I'm getting there.
It's taken about a year.

And I doubt I'll ever be totally normal by other people's standards, but I now reckon I can get to a new normal for me.

One where I'm not snapping at people all the time.

[busybarbara]

Could it be stress? This sort of reaction is reasonably common after a long period of stress.