To want to cancel tonight at last minute.. Or shake me to see sense

[INeedMoreCakeInMyLife]

So. Posted previously about the fact I think I may be suffering with PND ( docs next week)
So baby is 4 months. Only left with my mum for a dentist appointment or for ten min to do school run occasionally. And obviously left with dp.. Norm while I go grocery shopping (I hate if dp goes for me as I need to check best dates on everything.. He wouldn't lol, and I love grocery shopping)

I haven't been out to socialise in probably two years., simply because It was to places I wouldn't go to as not comfortable . Then was ill. Then pregnant so it was my perfect excuse not to go out with work colleagues (too tired) or so etimes, dp was working so had no one for my eldest...

Anyway. Yesterday it was sprung on me to go out with some workmates. Ones who I get on quite well with. But haven't heard much from them since mat leave. I said yes id go.. It's local and only for about 3 hours.
I was kinda looking forward to it when mentioned.

Today.. I just have a sense of dread. I'm trying to think of excuses..im feeling really un easy about it. I have no idea why. My heart is racing thinking about it.
I'm driving so can leave if needed.. But then I'd feel rude..

I hate being out of routine.. Even just by an hour so this is killing me.

Shall I just cancel

[Fluffiest]

Good for you, OP!

[StepBackNow]

Well done, OP.

[SunnyCoco]

WELL DONE!!!
great news x

[ThisIsntMeHonestGuv]

Well done op, glad it was OK :)

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Good for you OP. Well done for going. I know how easy it is to cancel.

[Loonoon]

Well done.

[INeedMoreCakeInMyLife]

I went. It was OK. Felt really un easy at first. But was OK in the end. Left about 9pm.

[Pinkyponkcustard]

I get this I really do. I get the anxiety about nights out and my dc is 2!

Thing is every time I’ve got ready and gone out I’ve felt better for it.

Before you became a mummy you were a person and that person still exists and needs self care. You’ve also got to think of the future when that child is more independent and needs you less, you need to cultivate friendships for the future.

[ThisIsntMeHonestGuv]

So what did you decide op?

[VeganCow]

I would cancel. Make an excuse this time (little one/you poorly) then learn how to say no in future. I stopped feeling obliged to do things to please other people a long time ago. The way I see it, why does what they want (you to join them) matter more than what you want (to stay at home )?

[ThePlanetGoesOnBeingRound3]

Getting ready in dribs and drabs is perfect. That way it's more casual, less frenetic...just strolling out the door for a bit.
Enjoy OP.

[Loonoon]

I would go - it’s tough I know but if you don’t push yourself out of your comfort zone there is a chance you will get worse over time and end up never leaving the house.


Go and set your phone alarm for 45 minutes. If when the timer goes off you are not having fun, make your excuses and leave. If it’s ok , stay a bit longer.

Whatever you decide to do

[speakout]

What;s the occasion and where is it OP?

Large crowd? Just a few?Pub? Meal? Someone's home?

To me all that would make a big difference.

[hamabr86]

Try and push yourself to go out, I have been depressed before and am currently taking Sertraline for anxiety and sometimes the 'dread' feeling of going out can be pretty strong, but if you'll push past it you'll likely enjoy yourself and if not you'll get stuck in more of a rut.

If your really hating it once you're there you can always just tell them you have a headache or something coming on if it really is too much.

[MrsJayy]

See you made a decision enjoy your night and catch up with your friends☺

[Thankfuckitsfriday1]

If you aren’t ready don’t go. You’ll feel nervous whenever you leave baby but it’s he dread feeling that’s the clincher I found.

I left my baby at 6 months to go on a date night and in all honestly I felt sick when I was getting ready, wanted to cancel and didn’t want to do it but I did and I did not enjoy myself. I spent the whole time wanting to go home and I cried when out.

Fast forward to 10 months old and I left him again for the second time and although o did feel sick again I felt less dread and o was ready that time, I wasn’t the first time. I have PND too x

[INeedMoreCakeInMyLife]

Thanks for your replies. I am going to try and go. It's literally five minutes drive away ( walking distance but not safest at night which is one of the main reasons I'm driving)
Will see how it goes.. Just showered and done my hair ready. Just getting ready in dribs and drabs so not rushing causing more anxiety x

[BlancheM]

Try to go. Like you said, you're driving so you're ok. Think where you're going, envision an 'escape route' so you know in your head where to go if it feels overwhelming.
You can be upfront about your intention to leave, you don't need excuses or justifications! Or see how things pan out and then just leave playing it by ear.
Hope you manage to go and have a really good time :)

[Isleepinahedgefund]

Force yourself to go. Could you get one of the to call for you if you’re leaving from home?

[ShakingInTheHighCourt]

Could you give yourself a get out clause? Say your baby has been a bit off colour and you may need to leave if your dp feels you are needed.

Chances are you will enjoy meeting your friends and it may also help you with returning to work to stay in touch. If you are not enjoying yourself or start to feel edgy you can look regretful and say it’s been so lovely t see you all but I do have to go.

They won’t mind and will be pleased you came. Good luck with the GP appointment.

[bringincrazyback]

I have a feeling if you go, you'll end up being glad you did. I've never had PND but I suffer 'regular' depression and often get that feeling of dread you mention. I sometimes really can't face something and then I do cancel, but I nearly always find that if I push past it and keep my social plans, I end up feeling a lot better. Give yourself some me-time, you deserve it. :)

[Echobelly]

I would try to go - I have to say I've never felt that way, but I have gone on nights I didn't feel like because I have a very strong principle about keeping invitations unless there is a seriously good reason not to, and I have never had a bad time going on one of those ones I didn't feel like.

I know this is a much stronger feeling, but I think showing yourself you can defeat that feeling is a good precedent to set.

If need be maybe set someone up to phone you part way through and if for some reason you are having trouble coping, you can claim some baby-related reason you have to go back? So that way you have a get out without feeling rude or whatever.

[ilikesalad]

This was me 7 years ago.


I’d say go for it. You’re driving and have a young baby so you have the excuse to leave if you aren’t feeling it once you’re there.

The hardest part is actually going. You never know you might have a good time. Please don’t isolate yourself. It becomes harder to go out once you start doing that. I’ve been there.

I hope you have a lovely night 😊

[ItchyBitchFace]

I'd try and go. I get how you feel. I was very anxious after having my daughter and didn't want to leave her. I used to think i wanted a night out but when the night rolled around I would feel dread and not want to go.
If you are driving you can leave early but try at least being there for an hour and then review every hour after that. You can leave whenever you like but you might enjoy it and a break is a great help for new mums.