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AIBU?

To ask if you have access to your child's phone?

32 replies

ForeverFatal82 · 17/06/2018 20:17

NC. Posting for traffic.

DC is 10 and had a phone given to them by their other parent or possibly their parent's partner (can't get a straight story on that one and it's probably irrelevant). DC has been told by parent that they must not let the other parent have access to their phone and must be careful not to let the parent see the password. DC has no real use for a phone and is not permitted to use it at school so seems pointless.

DC knows not to keep secrets and that being asked to keep a secret by an adult, even if a parent, is wrong (unless it's about a present or nice surprise etc).

Should parents have access to their kid's phone at this age? There's such potential for bullying, grooming etc with technology.

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sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 17/06/2018 22:05

My dd had a phone quite young (dont remember exactly but maybe 10) as her df would regularly not answer the phone to me, so her having her own phone meant at least I had a way of contacting her and she could call me if she needed or wanted to. I had access to everything on the phone and she had no social media until she turned 13 so that wasn't an issue.

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ForeverFatal82 · 18/06/2018 06:56

The phone has been switched off and taken away and will be returned at some point to the other parent.

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Blighty0204 · 18/06/2018 08:43

It's a recent thing and they enjoy being able to keep in touch and the novelty of having phones
Wait til they're a couple of years into secondary school and you think you can start being more lax. It gets worse lol My biggest regret was introducing mobile phones too early (9 years). I thought i was giving them advantage for studies and research which it did they're excelling. But they also learn the habits and philosophies of some ridiculous bloggers who don't live in the real world. Or their friends at school. You can monitor every site they see but not all the information they're absorbing. I have turned off WI FI now and got them computers each downstairs.

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Blighty0204 · 18/06/2018 08:52

If the other parent has no concept of the dangers of unsupervised children on the internet, i would be very worried what freedoms children had in their care and the risk involved.

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ForeverFatal82 · 18/06/2018 09:14

Social services have been involved and don't seem interested in how unsupervised they are in general. Parent sleeps during the day and leaves then unsupervised for however long, they play out on a rough estate and talk to strangers, play games they are too young for and think RP is far too strict. It's difficult as NRP is very lax. No bedtime, playing on phones until midnight, poor hygiene. The list goes on but SS aren't interested as aren't at risk.

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Zoflorabore · 18/06/2018 09:18

My ds is 15 and in year 10 and i know his password and have access to his phone if need be, plus he leaves it at home on school days on charge.

Me and his dad ( separated ) pay half each of his contract every month, he's got an iPhone 8 and knows that is part of the deal.

I would never snoop through his phone as I trust him but he knows that I can access it so is probably quite careful what he looks at :)

A 10 year old? Hell yes. No discussion.

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Blighty0204 · 18/06/2018 11:31

The list goes on but SS aren't interested as aren't at risk
I here your frustration. Got the T-shirt. SS see it as you are the main carer. They don't tend to (in my experience) to invest resource in the NRP without a third party concern. GP, teacher, neighbour etc. They don't have the resources i was lead to believe. They may or may not intervene if other parent was main carer. Prioritising their case work load.