To resent this birthday present system

[callmemaybe8]

Please tell me if I'm being stingy or if I have a point!

I've recently started a new job and been told everyone puts money in to buy a really nice present for people when it's their birthday. That's nice I thought. I was then told there are four birthdays coming up and everyone contributes £5 each for everyone's birthday... so that's £20.


There are about 40 people in the team so that's a lot of money each year £200 to be exact!

Everyone takes part so I would look terrible if I didn't do it, but I can't help but feel a bit meh about the whole thing. My birthday isn't until February so there's a chance I won't even be there/ won't have passed my probation by the time my birthday comes.

AIBU to resent this? I'll probably still chip in, but I don't like how the company just expects it and there isn't much choice in the matter.

[callmemaybe8]

I think it's £5 because the team used to be much smaller, but as it's grown they haven't lowered the amount.

[Orangecake123]

I would opt out. I'd rather spend £200 pounds on myself!

[Pumpkin1975]

That amount is totally unnecessary! At my work we just put a few quid in a pot at the beginning of the year so that we each get a card on our birthday. Anything like leaving present is whatever you want to donate in an envelope that goes round. Spending £200 on other people, to then get that money back in vouchers etc you don’t even really want is daft.

[PuppyMonkey]

Could you claim to be a jehova’s witness who doesn’t celebrate birthdays?

Absolute bollocks system for just bog standard birthdays. Maybe for a retirement collection, but otherwise way OTT.

[BarbaraofSevillle]

Plus, what a load of bloody hassle for whoever organises the damn thing

I'm willing to bet that the instigator of the system is the Office Martyr/Queen Bee who has a long line of tasks that are not exactly her (because it will be a woman, no man in history will have ever thought up such a system) job but she does anyway, as a way of controlling how things are done and so she can demonstrate how overworked/indispensible she is.

We have one of those. 90% of the little tasks she does that makes her soooo busy are either appropriate for delegation or not that necessary at all (organising collections, arranging Christmas parties, monitoring the state of the office fridge, washing up eleventy million times a day, counting cutlery and crockery and sending snotty emails seeking return of missing items, stationery monitor etc).

I would also be willing to bet that a fair few of these spa days and vouchers are bought via some sort of discount/quidco type scheme that earn a little bonus for the person who buys them.

[iamyourequal]

Opt out if you are going to feel miffed each time the envelope comes around. I don’t know if other posters have said already, but you will not get back a gift equivalent to £5 from everybody else even when your birthday comes because there will be lots of people who dodge the envelope even if they have signed up for it. I get fed up at my work too. Things jumped overnight from putting in £2 to £5. There can be several occasions a month! I only put to the people I like now. I feel no guilt as I’ve taken nothing back. I kept quiet about my last big birthday! One woman I work with had this within 2 years: big birthday, promotion, operation, bought a house, another operation, got engaged, got married, had baby.....that’s £40 in a couple of years just for one colleague!! Im sure she wasn’t even expecting it all and she is lovely but I think it’s all getting a bit OTT!

[Daxter]

YANBU. My last workplace did £5 per birthday for a team of about 10 and that irritated me enough. At my current workplace, I've just never got involved and if anybody mentions it, I make it clear that it's not just that I don't give. I've never received (or expected) anything either.

With a team of 40, there's no reason to give so much. £40 is enough to buy a bottle of something alcoholic, fancy chocolates, flowers, candles, vouchers... any of the stuff people buy for somebody they don't really know.

[SeriousSass]

OP
I know it's mean spirited

Really? Do you honestly think it’s mean spirited if you don’t chip in. 🤔 ....or are you more worried that other people will think you are mean spirited.

[Lethaldrizzle]

Well at least you'll get a nice present

[boilerhouse2007]

''but £5 is not a massive amount''

For some it surprisingly is, I am with the op- I think this system is inappropriate and puts pressure on ppl.It is like starting a lotto syndicate in an office and saying everybody must pay. If they want to do a birthday syndicate then fine but just send an all staff email and let ppl know and there is no obligation.

[WingsOnMyBoots]

No I wouldn't do it. There will be a lot of people like you who just daren't say NO because they don't want to be the odd one out. It is very unreasonable and quite silly.

[Jux]

With that many in the team contributing, I would have thought £1 each would be plenty.

[SevenStones]

I think this is ridiculous, and as soon as anyone suggested such a thing to me I'd be saying, no, thanks, I'm not spending £200 a year on work birthdays.

[boilerhouse2007]

!'' A pace I worked for told me they do secret Santa and everyone chips in.....and everyone puts down on a sheet exactly what they want to be bought! Sod that I thought, if you're dictating exactly what the prezzy has to be then each person was just paying for someone else to do their shopping! I just made a joke of it, laughed and changed the subject.''

We do this too except present is secret, thing that annoys me is that I usually get the person a decent present [chocolate, scratchcards etc and stuff you would actually enjoy] but always get complete crap in return that goes straight in the bin.

[BarbaraofSevillle]

Well at least you'll get a nice present

Will she though? Who chooses the present? It's all well saying 'it's only a fiver' but it's not, it's £200 per year, and there are plenty of people for whom £200 per year is a significant amount and not something they can just throw away on a presnet that they may or may not actually want.

Why doesn't everyone keep their £200 so they can choose what to spend it on in their own time. And people can take cake in on their birthday, if they want to.

[MyNewAlias]

Where my DSis used to work the managers/directors would match what ever had been collected by the staff. If I remember correctly the cash was given as a gift. If the birthday person was canny ( or downright greedy)they would secretly put their own money in to boost the pot!

[gillybeanz]

We just put in what we want if we want to.
It's a waste of time working if your money goes on buying presents for colleagues.
It's absolutely ridiculous, I'd speak to HR about feeling pressurised to contribute.
What about people who really can't afford it, who actually work to pay their bills.

[ferriswheel]

If you opt out everyone will be so gratedful.

[melodybirds]

Ynbu.

[MumofBoysx2]

The thing is OP said there are 40 members of staff. So it isn't just £20, it's £200 for the year, which is rather a lot - presumably you won't even get to know some of these 40 people. I think if it were me I would chip in for now and then when I'd got my feet under the table (and passed the probation period) find a tactful way of either opting out or suggesting something different - maybe everyone feels the same!

[LipstickHandbagCoffee]

We do work collections,but pop in what you want.
Your work system it’s too prescriptive and imagine the drama of being the I do everything for everyone martyr who does the buying
But I Imagine being the one who doesn’t put in will be hard and potentially sour the work relationship. Although I imagine some folk have undisclosed misgivings

[nojamforbaby]

Just say you're short of cash, then every time the envelope goes round put a fiver away for yourself for your birthday

[yikesanotherbooboo]

We used to do similar ( no set amount you could give 50p if you wanted) . It became a bit of a responsibility for the person collecting and we have less people in the office than you. Now we just do it for big birthdays.

[BrownTurkey]

Unfair on the lower paid who in my experience are also the least likely to forget/complain or avoid.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Oh god, I would hate this, I would prefer to put what I wanted in, or have a choice in it.