To wish there wasn't a stigma attached to being trans?

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

For context, I am a transwoman. I know that it is impossible to change sex and that I am male and always will be. I can continue to take hormones and have surgery to make my body resemble that of a woman but I know I will never actually be a woman.

I don't want to ramble too much and I just want to get to the point but in my darkest days I used to hate the fact I was male and would never be able to change that. I was self harming, attempting suicide, starving myself, etc because I hated it that much and didn't know how to deal with it.

I know that as I have gotten older and learned how to deal with my issues without feeling the need to turn in on myself, I have also began to accept that I am not female and that is okay. I am trans and there is nothing wrong with that.

I wish that I was able to shout loud and proud that I am trans but I feel like everywhere I look it feels like I am being pushed into having to say that I'm a woman and that I'm being pushed into pretending to be something that I'm not.

Women deal with things that I as a transwoman will never have to and likewise I have to go through things women never will. Acknowledging those differences between us shouldn't be viewed as a bad thing or branded as being bigoted or transphobic. We deserve rights and protections but we need different rights and protections to that of women because we are different. Different does not mean lesser than or worse.

I think if there wasn't a stigma attached to being trans then we wouldn't need to have people insisting that transwomen are women as if being different is some kind of dirty secret.

I don't think it's doing anyone any favours to constantly pretend that we are exactly the same and don't need different kind of support when it comes to services such as mental health support, rape crisis and domestic violence, etc.

Perhaps we need to move away from the idea that being different is somehow othering or viewed as being a bad or shameful thing. Perhaps we need to embrace these differences instead.

[MissusGeneHunt]

I rarely post, but I read a lot, and Curry, I read your posts with hope. Hope that you can live your life in the way you want to and in peace, and hope that your voice will be heard. Thank you for your now loud voice of reason.

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

This whole thing makes me so bloody angry.

My family have been targeted by aggressive TRA's.

My sister has been branded a transphobe simply for agreeing that transwomen and women are not the same and need different services and protections.

How dare they? Who do they think they are?

[Viago]

A post from a trans poster that doesn't call everyone else cis! You have my vote.

But seriously, I agree. I don't understand why trans isn't enough on its own.

[ScreenQueen]

I also want to let you know how much I appreciate your posts curry and very much respect your honesty and point of view. It's a sad state of affairs

[littleneepo]

I get what you’re saying, you will experience life differently and need different support because you are trans rather then being born a woman.
A colleague of mine put it to me slightly differently tho - and I wonder what you think? She said that she considers herself a woman first and trans second. Proud of both but in that order. I wouldn’t want to put words into her mouth but from our conversations I think she would advocate for transwoman services to be a sub-set of woman’s services. Where the opportunity to capitalise on the similarities (as there are a lot) and still accept and support the differences

[FizzyGreenWater]

Shout loud, Curry.

The hairy TERFS are right behind you missis

[MrsKCastle]

Completely agree, Curry. I have so much respect for you for speaking up and patiently explaining your point of view.

There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in being trans. I wish we lived in a society where everyone was accepted for who they are - but no one had to pretend to be something they weren't.

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

@littleneepo

Socially I am a woman. People call me she and call me by my chosen feminine name.

On an every day basis it doesn't matter and it doesn't get brought up as a talking point however I also acknowledge that there might be situations where it does matter.

Sports for instance is a big one. As are changing rooms and services for domestic violence and rape victims.

Whilst I may socially be a woman, I don't think it is particularly helpful or appropriate for rape crisis centres or DV shelters to open their doors to transwomen. Being trans comes with a whole host of different issues that may not be met by services which were specifically designed for women (and of course would be problematic for women who need to access these services who might not be able to share with a transwomen). It is not helpful IMO to just expect transwomen to use these services rather than ones which are specific to our needs.

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

Sorry that last bit wasn't aimed personally at you @littleneepo. What I mean is that there are times where the differences don't matter and there are also situations where they do matter.

[Puffycat]

I know I have absolutely no idea what you are going through and I don’t begin to understand the problems you have to face, but would I be totally out of order to ask if you you don’t feel that huge leaps and bounds have been made regarding trans/understanding/acceptance?
I’m talking from the point of a mother with 3 dc’s, all of whom have
Trans/gay/bi friends and they really don’t judge. They accept their friends for who they are and actively fight for their rights.
The world spins very slowly. It’s not that long ago that being gay was an abomination, surely we’re getting there, slowly, but surely

[Ohmydayslove]

You sound sensible op

Good on you

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

@Puffycat

People being less judgemental is a good thing.

However the push to pump kids full of puberty blockers if they have gender dysphoria rather than appropriate talking therapy and allowing them time and space to figure out who they are is not good.

[MipMipMip]

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

It's hard because I like the fact that there seems to be less judgement among young people. I was bullied at school and they didn't really know how to deal with it or particularly wanted to deal with it (my mother quickly sorted that one out ). Hopefully bullying is less of an issue these days.

On the other hand I look back and nobody pushed me into anything. The adults around me gave me space, allowed me to call myself whatever I wanted, wear what I wanted and gave me time to figure things out. Nobody would have dreamed of giving me puberty blockers or not allowed me counselling because it was "transphobic".

I just know that if I was growing up now then I would have no doubt been put on puberty blockers and whilst I would have been happy with that at the time, it wouldn't have been the right thing for me.

I didn't always like going to my counselling sessions and I didn't always want to go but ultimately I'm glad that I went. The thought of being on puberty blockers and not having those talking therapies there for me is actually quite terrifying. It would have ended in disaster for me.

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

I meant that I didn't always want to talk in my counselling sessions. Sometimes I used to hate my parents for making me go. Sometimes I couldn't understand the point of them or how it was supposed to help but ultimately it was for the best and I'm glad I had that.

[Puffycat]

@orderMeAnotherCurry I’m totally with you on that one. I’ve often felt that puberty blockers are a grey area. Many kids I’ve known have either been boys in dresses or girls with short hair, climbing trees etc then puberty hits and it’s a different ball game (pardon) entirely.
We really should allow our young ones to talk, think, shout, cry and ultimately be who they are, but that needs unconditional love and respect and I sadly think that’s in short supply

[rosylea]

Good luck to you Curry and best wishes.

[Luisa27]

What an inspirational post Curry

So uplifting

[Noqonterfi]

It is difficult op 💕 Hugs to you.

[imweirdandcool]

Love what you wrote and agree

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Your thread has been quite an eye opener formme actually

I have been so blindsided that the simple idea of being happily a ‘trans woman’ never occurred to me as a concept

Just that - trans woman

Thanks !

[Imchlibob]

You sound brilliant OP. Thank you for this thread. 100% support from me too.

[AnnUnderTheFryingPan]

Has this thread been picked up on Twitter yet?

No thought not.

Curry, for many of us, we didn’t think that we would have to be standing up and fighting this one either. Like you, I don’t particulalry want to battling this cause. Like you, I have to.

It’s bloody lovely and refreshing to be able to do it with some solidarity. 😊 more of this sort of thing!

[littleneepo]

Really interesting, thanks OP