To wish there wasn't a stigma attached to being trans?

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

For context, I am a transwoman. I know that it is impossible to change sex and that I am male and always will be. I can continue to take hormones and have surgery to make my body resemble that of a woman but I know I will never actually be a woman.

I don't want to ramble too much and I just want to get to the point but in my darkest days I used to hate the fact I was male and would never be able to change that. I was self harming, attempting suicide, starving myself, etc because I hated it that much and didn't know how to deal with it.

I know that as I have gotten older and learned how to deal with my issues without feeling the need to turn in on myself, I have also began to accept that I am not female and that is okay. I am trans and there is nothing wrong with that.

I wish that I was able to shout loud and proud that I am trans but I feel like everywhere I look it feels like I am being pushed into having to say that I'm a woman and that I'm being pushed into pretending to be something that I'm not.

Women deal with things that I as a transwoman will never have to and likewise I have to go through things women never will. Acknowledging those differences between us shouldn't be viewed as a bad thing or branded as being bigoted or transphobic. We deserve rights and protections but we need different rights and protections to that of women because we are different. Different does not mean lesser than or worse.

I think if there wasn't a stigma attached to being trans then we wouldn't need to have people insisting that transwomen are women as if being different is some kind of dirty secret.

I don't think it's doing anyone any favours to constantly pretend that we are exactly the same and don't need different kind of support when it comes to services such as mental health support, rape crisis and domestic violence, etc.

Perhaps we need to move away from the idea that being different is somehow othering or viewed as being a bad or shameful thing. Perhaps we need to embrace these differences instead.

[BuntyII]

YANBU. I do feel angry on behalf of trans women (and trans men) who have gone through the process of gender reassignment, have their gender recognition certificate, all the trauma, expense, pain and hassle that comes with such a long ordeal. Only for the government to consider bringing in self ID.

Anyway, be proud of who you are. But if you would ever like to be considered a woman, I would be only too happy to oblige.

[LadyMisty]

I don't know an awful lot about this, I only know what I think about it, and please forgive me if anything I say is wrong or offensive as I'm not intending to be offensive to anyone. Whilst I believe that biologically we can never change what we are born as, I also believe that a person can live as whatever makes them happy, or whatever makes them the most comfortable with themselves. A person can be born male and identify as a woman, but that does it make them a woman, the same as me wanting to identify as a 21 year old, but I will never be 21. It just cannot happen, biologically.
I've read a few posts about trans women shouldn't be allowed to use women's toilets, and I personally don't understand the reasons as to why people don't want them to. A bit about what I read was that women wouldn't feel safe with a trans woman in a female toilet. But I really don't get this, because there's nothing stopping a man from walking into a female toilet. If a man is wanting to do something bad to a woman a "women" sign on a toilet door is not going to stop him.
I am personally happy for a trans woman to use female toilets as it's where she feels more comfortable.
There's a lot I don't understand though. I don't understand the struggles of a trans woman, because I am not a trans woman. I can imagine some of the struggles but I do not personally know them. The same as a trans woman can imagine some of the struggles of a woman but will not personally know them.
Curry I really do admire you for speaking out. I wish these were issues you didn't have to face. I wish you could just be you without all the politics. I hope one day soon you will feel safe and not feel as though you have to be either one or the other.
I hope that came across well. Curry, I hope the future brings about the changes and the acceptance that you deserve.

[LurpakIsTheOnlyButter]

I was referring to all the transwomen shouldn't be allowed to share changing rooms etc posts of late, not that everyone on this thread was a wanker.

But MN seems to be a hatey place of late for trans people.

I just wanted to say I am not one of them

[Noqont]

I haven't read the other posts.i don't care what anyone else thinks. I think MN has become very feminist/transphobe/packofwankers lately

Without even reading the posts how can you even come to that conclusion

[LurpakIsTheOnlyButter]

I haven't read the other posts.i don't care what anyone else thinks. I think MN has become very feminist/transphobe/packofwankers lately.

I think whoever you are is whoever you should be, become, or continue to be.

Bugger the rampant right wing feminists. Being a person, be it male/female/trans/whatever just be who you are. And be happy.

[Changednamesorry]

thank you. this thread is excellent.

[littleneepo]

Really interesting, thanks OP

[AnnUnderTheFryingPan]

Has this thread been picked up on Twitter yet?

No thought not.

Curry, for many of us, we didn’t think that we would have to be standing up and fighting this one either. Like you, I don’t particulalry want to battling this cause. Like you, I have to.

It’s bloody lovely and refreshing to be able to do it with some solidarity. 😊 more of this sort of thing!

[Imchlibob]

You sound brilliant OP. Thank you for this thread. 100% support from me too.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Your thread has been quite an eye opener formme actually

I have been so blindsided that the simple idea of being happily a ‘trans woman’ never occurred to me as a concept

Just that - trans woman

Thanks !

[imweirdandcool]

Love what you wrote and agree

[Noqonterfi]

It is difficult op 💕 Hugs to you.

[Luisa27]

What an inspirational post Curry

So uplifting

[rosylea]

Good luck to you Curry and best wishes.

[Puffycat]

@orderMeAnotherCurry I’m totally with you on that one. I’ve often felt that puberty blockers are a grey area. Many kids I’ve known have either been boys in dresses or girls with short hair, climbing trees etc then puberty hits and it’s a different ball game (pardon) entirely.
We really should allow our young ones to talk, think, shout, cry and ultimately be who they are, but that needs unconditional love and respect and I sadly think that’s in short supply

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

I meant that I didn't always want to talk in my counselling sessions. Sometimes I used to hate my parents for making me go. Sometimes I couldn't understand the point of them or how it was supposed to help but ultimately it was for the best and I'm glad I had that.

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

It's hard because I like the fact that there seems to be less judgement among young people. I was bullied at school and they didn't really know how to deal with it or particularly wanted to deal with it (my mother quickly sorted that one out ). Hopefully bullying is less of an issue these days.

On the other hand I look back and nobody pushed me into anything. The adults around me gave me space, allowed me to call myself whatever I wanted, wear what I wanted and gave me time to figure things out. Nobody would have dreamed of giving me puberty blockers or not allowed me counselling because it was "transphobic".

I just know that if I was growing up now then I would have no doubt been put on puberty blockers and whilst I would have been happy with that at the time, it wouldn't have been the right thing for me.

I didn't always like going to my counselling sessions and I didn't always want to go but ultimately I'm glad that I went. The thought of being on puberty blockers and not having those talking therapies there for me is actually quite terrifying. It would have ended in disaster for me.

[MipMipMip]

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

@Puffycat

People being less judgemental is a good thing.

However the push to pump kids full of puberty blockers if they have gender dysphoria rather than appropriate talking therapy and allowing them time and space to figure out who they are is not good.

[Ohmydayslove]

You sound sensible op

Good on you

[Puffycat]

I know I have absolutely no idea what you are going through and I don’t begin to understand the problems you have to face, but would I be totally out of order to ask if you you don’t feel that huge leaps and bounds have been made regarding trans/understanding/acceptance?
I’m talking from the point of a mother with 3 dc’s, all of whom have
Trans/gay/bi friends and they really don’t judge. They accept their friends for who they are and actively fight for their rights.
The world spins very slowly. It’s not that long ago that being gay was an abomination, surely we’re getting there, slowly, but surely

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

Sorry that last bit wasn't aimed personally at you @littleneepo. What I mean is that there are times where the differences don't matter and there are also situations where they do matter.

[OrderMeAnotherCurry]

@littleneepo

Socially I am a woman. People call me she and call me by my chosen feminine name.

On an every day basis it doesn't matter and it doesn't get brought up as a talking point however I also acknowledge that there might be situations where it does matter.

Sports for instance is a big one. As are changing rooms and services for domestic violence and rape victims.

Whilst I may socially be a woman, I don't think it is particularly helpful or appropriate for rape crisis centres or DV shelters to open their doors to transwomen. Being trans comes with a whole host of different issues that may not be met by services which were specifically designed for women (and of course would be problematic for women who need to access these services who might not be able to share with a transwomen). It is not helpful IMO to just expect transwomen to use these services rather than ones which are specific to our needs.

[MrsKCastle]

Completely agree, Curry. I have so much respect for you for speaking up and patiently explaining your point of view.

There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in being trans. I wish we lived in a society where everyone was accepted for who they are - but no one had to pretend to be something they weren't.