To think that Byron's could be a little kinder...

[Aika]

DS8 is autistic, he is relatively high-functioning, attends a mainstream school with some adjustments made for him. He really really likes burgers from Byron's, so the family eats there a lot. On Sunday we went to their place in Greenwich, which is not our 'usual', but we've been there several times before. On arrival we saw customers being escorted upstairs and we asked if we could sit there too. We were refused on the grounds that they were closing upstairs soon and were shown a table downstairs. After we sat down DS complained about noise - music was very loud, people at the table next to us were practically shouting and the acoustics in the lower level is very different to the upstairs. So we asked the waiter if we could move upstairs promising to order quickly and eat before 7 when they needed to close (it was about 6.15). Flat no. DS by that time was covering his ears, squealing quietly and looking very distressed - we didn't bring his ear defenders which was very stupid of us, but we didn't expect to need them as we've been there many times begore. We wanted to leave, but DS refused because it is very difficult for an autistic brain to change plans like that and he really wanted the burger. I spoke to the manager and explained about autism, sensory issues and inflexible patterns. Basically, I begged. The manager refused quite aggressively. Then I saw DH, DS and DD leaving - DH somehow convinced DS to go. The manager looked very happy. Afterwards DS had a cry, we all went to GBK and had a pleasant meal. It was much quieter there. However, the experience left DS overstimulated and he had night terrors at night. He couldn't sleep and kept screaming. Today I am at work preparing for a very important presentation and I haven't had much sleep let alone being exhausted after everything.
AIBU to be really pissed off that the manager could not show a little kindness. I know nobody owes us anything but autism can be quite unpredictable and we had an unexpected meltdown where it was supposed to be a relaxing family meal.

[RhiWrites]

Some people go out of their way to be helpful. Other people seem to take delight in saying no.

I agree people could be kinder.

[RolyRocks]

I really feel for you OP.

For those who don't know the Greenwich Byron Burger, it is right in the centre of town, right on the Thames and is a prime tourist spot and therefore, I would imagine, this weekend of all weekends would have been super super busy and the staff would have been run off their feet.
Therefore, it may have not been the best idea to head there in the first place BUT it doesn't take much to give good customer service and cater for your customers with additional needs. For this, it can't hurt to let Head Office know.

[diddl]

Ithink that if the manager was rude/aggressive then of course you should coplain.

If you just didn't like what he was telling you-maybe not.

[Gilead]

One family had already gone upstairs.
OP has a child that is Autistic.
How fucking hard would it have been to turn the music down a tad, or allowed them upstairs.
As an aside we regularly go to an Italian Restaurant. We try to go when it's not too busy. Without fail (knowing dd is autistic) they ask us if the music is okay. Not hard.
Wish mumsnet could be a little kinder now and then.

[PinguForPresident]

Good grief, there's some truly obnoxious people on this thread.

OP, it wasn't your fault. Being the parent of a child with Autism is so bloody hard. The manager was inflexible and unprofessional. He refused to make reasonable adjustments for a disabled child. If he let another family upstairs literally 30 seconds before you then there was no reason at all for him to deny you a seat there.

Complain to Head Office. And if you're on any local FB groups, let other parents know what your experience was like. As the parent of a child with autism, I'd be grateful to know which establishments to avoid.

Your poor boy. I hope he got to enjoy his burger. I know my son would be very rattled by that experience and we'd be paying for it for days with whizzy, unpredictable behaviour.

[Cobrider]

It’s a shame that no reasonable adjustment was made for your son. It sounds as if you were treated as a nuisance. I thought that more shops/restaurants were taking the needs of customers in to consideration.

Because it’s a non verbal disability, people often seem to be more dismissive about it.
There is nothing wrong with a polite tweet either, I have twice got through to senior management this way having been dismissed through their email complaint system.

[livingdownsouth]

wish mumsnet could be a little kinder now and then

Me too Gilead, me too. OP we can't get it right all the time, and anybody that thinks they do are liars. Hope you've all had a better day today. My DD is autistic and would likely have reacted the same as your child.

[MarthaArthur]

Op ignore Mighty who seems to want a fight on every thread. You forgot his ear defenders this one time. Thats your fault yes. But you are human. We all make mistakes and this was a tiny tiny mistake in the grand scheme of things.

[Cobrider]

Sorry my post auto corrected- should say ‘non visible’

[MissEliza]

You're absolutely right Op. You've held your hands up and said you should have brought the ear defenders. The manager could have treated you much more kindly even if he couldn't have accommodated you upstairs. I'm guessing you won't go back there again? I'd point that out to them.

[Dwellerfromunderthesink]

I understand that it might not have been possible to seat you upstairs but I think if the manager had said why and been sympathetic and kind that would have made it a bit less upsetting.

[SemperIdem]

I think he should have been kinder. I work in the service industry and that sort of service would be strongly frowned upon by management. Doesn’t exactly present a good image of the brand, if nothing else.

[MightyMucks]

But you are human. We all make mistakes and this was a tiny tiny mistake in the grand scheme of things.

Yeah, but most of us don’t start blaming the fallout of their fuck ups on minimum wage employees.

And I’ve reported you. Xxx

[MarthaArthur]

The manager isnt on minimum wage they get paid more. They were rude and Op hasn't taken it out on them. She had every right to leave.

Reported me? Knock yourself out sunshine xxx

[MightyMucks]

Personal attacks flower.

Besides, unless two people complained about exactly the same thing at exactly the same branch on exactly the same day, I’m taking this with a massive pinch of salt.

[PaintedHorizons]

YANBU
I agree - sometimes it just takes a little kindness. They could have made allowances - it would have been possible if there were others easting upstairs

[Aika]

I now remember why I asked twice. The first time was to a (very young) waiter and I didn't use the word 'autism' as I don't like to use it in front of DS. The second time I spoke to the manager out of DS'd earshot so that I could explain that he was not spoilt, he had disability.
I am not upset with the waiter - he probably thought DS was being spoilt, but the manager should have listened. I would respect refusal if I felt he at least tried to help, but it seemed he was saying 'no' just because...

[MarthaArthur]

Personal attacks aye if theres 2 complaints at the same branch its possible 2 people are pissed off with the way they were treated.

[spader1987]

Please don't beat yourself up Op. I have a ds 8 with autism and i truly know how hard it can be. You try and plan for every little thing but your only human and sometimes you will forget things. Please ignore all the judgemental posts from people who truly don't have a clue. You simply cannot plan for everything!

[Wolfiefan]

But you don't know why he said no. They have a business to run. You need to take the ear defenders if you're eating out or specifically call and ask about a quiet table. You can't just assume that they can accommodate your needs without any notice. It would be lovely if they could but you can't guarantee it.

[Aika]

Mighty

I don't know why I am responding but... The tweet has nothing to do with us. We didn't ask for or even want the terrace. We were there in the evening not during the day. DH doesn't use Twitter.

But it probably explains why the staff were a bit twitchy...

[mancmummy1414]

He sounds pedantic and a jobsworth. For the sake of the one minute cut off time, he COULD have been kinder and let the OP upstairs. Yes he was technically ‘correct’ on a minor technicality but morally he was a shit.
Go on twitter and complain! They’ve lost regular customers now by the sounds of it. My sister is autistic and I remember family meals out being a minefield.

[pigeondujour]

I do feel for you, it's a shame he's very unsettled but I don't think they were that out of order. Certainly not enough to warrant having the restaurant, location, date and time named on a website of this size - not sure if that's purposeful? The fact you mention you've got a stressful day at work today makes me think you're projecting frustration at the situation onto this manager and honestly, you know as much about his personal circumstances as he does about yours. Best to chalk it up as a lesson learnt to take ear defenders and maybe call ahead about a good time for an upstairs table.

[mtpicasso]

I know this restaurant. It's not just ' upstairs' - it's a roof terrace. If they had decided to close it, for whatever reason, I think you need to accept that. However I'm sorry that your evening was ruined.

[Aika]

Pigeon

Didn't mean any more than I guess venting a bit. It's been really hard recently with the autism etc. Ive asked mn to remove the thread