To think that Byron's could be a little kinder...

[Aika]

DS8 is autistic, he is relatively high-functioning, attends a mainstream school with some adjustments made for him. He really really likes burgers from Byron's, so the family eats there a lot. On Sunday we went to their place in Greenwich, which is not our 'usual', but we've been there several times before. On arrival we saw customers being escorted upstairs and we asked if we could sit there too. We were refused on the grounds that they were closing upstairs soon and were shown a table downstairs. After we sat down DS complained about noise - music was very loud, people at the table next to us were practically shouting and the acoustics in the lower level is very different to the upstairs. So we asked the waiter if we could move upstairs promising to order quickly and eat before 7 when they needed to close (it was about 6.15). Flat no. DS by that time was covering his ears, squealing quietly and looking very distressed - we didn't bring his ear defenders which was very stupid of us, but we didn't expect to need them as we've been there many times begore. We wanted to leave, but DS refused because it is very difficult for an autistic brain to change plans like that and he really wanted the burger. I spoke to the manager and explained about autism, sensory issues and inflexible patterns. Basically, I begged. The manager refused quite aggressively. Then I saw DH, DS and DD leaving - DH somehow convinced DS to go. The manager looked very happy. Afterwards DS had a cry, we all went to GBK and had a pleasant meal. It was much quieter there. However, the experience left DS overstimulated and he had night terrors at night. He couldn't sleep and kept screaming. Today I am at work preparing for a very important presentation and I haven't had much sleep let alone being exhausted after everything.
AIBU to be really pissed off that the manager could not show a little kindness. I know nobody owes us anything but autism can be quite unpredictable and we had an unexpected meltdown where it was supposed to be a relaxing family meal.

[pigmcpigface]

I think this is basic kindness, and they show Byron's up in a really bad light. Please do complain on Twitter, and show them this thread.

I can't see that it was THAT much effort to let you all eat upstairs. It's ridiculous that they didn't allow this. What would it have meant? That someone on the waiting staff had to climb a flight of stairs a couple of times? It's not that much to ask to be disability friendly, is it?

[BlueNeighbourhood]

If you've been there before, you must have known it was loud downstairs so were expecting to sit upstairs, is that right?

Most likely they were dealing with the pre-cinema Sunday night crowd and didn't have the staff or need to keep the top level open, and they have no idea how long your meal would've taken.

I would've tried to move seats away from the music or away from people shouting, that's the logical thing to do rather than remain in a seat surrounded by loud noise and people shouting. Chalk it up to experience, I really don't think this one is Byron's fault.

[Wolfiefan]

It's not about kindness though. It's about staffing or cleaning or a pre booked event or their need to cash up and leave at a certain time. They are running a business and won't have turned down your request just to be unkind.

[user1471451327]

I think a complaint is in order. Byron have an anticipatory duty under the Equality Act to do disability related reasonable adjustments (like switching off the music or allowing you in a quieter space). Phone or email EASS (details at www.equalityadvisoryservice.com/) for free guidance on making complaint

[Furano]

*I think a complaint is in order. Byron have an anticipatory duty under the Equality Act to do disability related reasonable adjustments (like switching off the music or allowing you in a quieter space).

So a restaurant is meant o turn off the music (which creates the ambiance that is part of their brand) for one person whilst there are another 50 people in there? Or let you into a space that needs to be closed so they can get it ready for a pre-booked event?

Neither of those are reasonable adjustments really.

[KindergartenKop]

The thing is, you're saying it's your fault, but you're still trying to blame Byron.

The manager could have been more understanding but they were probably constrained by various other factors and couldn't allow you upstairs. It doesn't sound to me like they were just being disablist dicks.

I would put it down to being a shitty afternoon and move on.

[BlueNeighbourhood]

User - nowhere has the OP said she asked to move to a quieter table downstairs, everything is about being moved upstairs.

If that was requested I'm sure it would've happened. Byron and all these burger places always have loud music, it's the style there.

[OlennasWimple]

I can see both sides but agree that the manager didn't handle this particularly well (though repeatedly asking for a table move must have been very annoying for him)

Don't go on Twitter, though. I hate the jump to social media to complain about stuff. Just email head office and set out what happened in a calm way

[janetheimpaler]

I would complain, they can tell you if it was physically impossible to accommodate you upstairs but they can't explain away his attitude, which was both unprofessional and unkind.

[WorraLiberty]

At 6.15 you promised you'd order quickly and eat by 7pm when they needed to close?

How would you have known what time your food was going to arrive?

Can you imagine the position they would have been in if you couldn't keep your promise? They could hardly turf you all out mid-meal and re-seat you downstairs.

[nervousnails]

OP, . I hope your son has a better day and night today. You are right, it costs nothing to be kinder.

[OliviaStabler]

The trouble is OP that the manger has rules to follow. If he had to shut down the upstairs at a certain time then that is what he had to do. Unfortunately, some customers say 'oh, we'll be out by XX pm' so you say yes, but then you cant shift them for love nor money. Notr saying you would have been like that, but he might have learnt from bitter experience.

Music creates atmosphere in a restaurant, and if he had turned it down, they could have had complaints from other customers or gone against the head office rules.

[LondonKitty]

No, I don't agree it was your fault and you are not being unreasonable. It is easy to forget things like ear defenders, and it should be possible to have a family meal without them.

I think management should be prepared to make a reasonable adjustment in these circumstances. If the child was in a wheelchair, would it be acceptable if he was told that they would only seat him upstairs, even if a small amount of extra effort (opening a table on the ground floor for a little while longer) would meet the child's/ customer's needs?

In the same way that it is now recognised we should improve accessibility for visible disabilities and conditions, we should also be more mindful of invisible issues that can cause distress or prevent people from enjoying full access to services.

It was not an unreasonable request given the circumstances, and they should have enabled it.

[soapboxqueen]

If the staff had allowed people up just before you, they can hardly claim it was too late. More likely they'd said next set of customers was the cut off and just dug their heels in.

If there was a private function upstairs then they should have just said that which would make it easier for you to make decisions.

Caring for a child with asd can be unpredictable. As much as you can plan ahead and make provisions, it doesn't always work out. The OP not being perfect on this occasion doesn't mean she did anything wrong.

The OP is wondering if the manager could have been a little more understanding and I think they could have been.

[RainOnATinRoof]

When it comes to closing policies I don’t think businesses have to be flexible, at all.

If they make an exception for everyone who’ll “only take a minute, I swear” they’ll be still trying to close up at midnight.

The closing policies are there for a reason - so service staff (who are usually underpaid and already overworked) can finish at the right time.

[MightyMucks]

OP, I’ve seen your husband’s post on Twitter and a reply which tells a very different version of events. No DS with ASD either...

[Kintan]

Sorry you had a horrible afternoon. I don't think Byron have done anything too wrong though. There might only have been room upstairs for the other family who went upstairs before you as the staff may have started partly cleaning upstairs so didn't want to reopen the cleaned section. In terms of the manager being rude, if it was the middle of a busy service and you kept asking for something they'd already said no to, I can see how they may have become annoyed. Glad you had a nice meal elsewhere in the end though :)

[Aika]

I did ask for a quieter table downstairs - there was none available. I never asked for music to be turned off - not sure where this comes from. And I've never had a meal downstairs and do my didn't know it would be so loud there. And I didn't ask repeatedly. Only once to the waiter and once to the manager. If they told me there was a private function, I wouldn't have insisted. I wouldn't even ask the manager if DS didn't point blank refuse to leave... I was a bit desperate.

[Wolfiefan]

Mighty what?

[kateandme]

really sorry you had this experience.try not to dwell on it.ok fair enough they might not be able to accomadate certain things or change to fit.there are certain ridiculous rules and regs often in restauratns too.but that never stops kindness.that never makes it ok to be insensitive.and mean. there are two ways to so no sorry madam.im sorry hes struggling but we cant.cant we try this instead.etc etc.
try and find a quiet place tonight to wind down frim this.you still feel the trauma and strain of it now I think?dont let it follow you round.as parents we are so protective and so youll have his pain and ur own so just let it in then let it die down. do something nice with dc tonight.
let them know these things can happen we people don't understand it doesn't make it right but you can cope with it together and will get im through it safely.together.
maybe you could cook some burgers together.it might be a really fun and cleansing thing to do with dc after a tough time around them.he could get really creative.this helped us after a particular tough food experience and meant he didn't associate with the actual food which has happened before and made his food phobias harder.just a thought...

[Aika]

MightyMucks

My husband doesn't tweet...

[Aika]

Saw the tweet. Too funny. Definitely not us 😁😁😁

[WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam]

You asking one then the other doesn't look good tbh, like you tried it on with the waiter because you'd been told 'no' by the manager.

With respect, it's not a restaurant's job to ensure the environment is suitable for every single patron. What one person finds unsuitable will be what another finds perfect. There will be kids out there who can't stand it being too quiet.

You're taking your frustration at DS refusing to leave out on the restaurant/manager which is pretty awful tbh. You've admitted it was your fault completely for not taking his ear defenders so make sure you don't make that mistake again and learn from this.

There are people out there who will claim disability to get what they want, so I'm not surprised restaurants won't bend rules just because someone says their child is autistic. You couldn't sit upstairs, whether anyone else did or not was none of your business, just let it go!

[crunchymint]

45 minutes is unrealistic. By the time you order, the food is cooked and then delivered, you would have too little time to eat. Plus they may not have had enough staff to serve upstairs.
I think you were unkind. Reasonable adjustments are covered by the disability discrimination act. That does not mean places must do exactly what you want.

[diddl]

You were told no but kept asking-why?