To think that Byron's could be a little kinder...

[Aika]

DS8 is autistic, he is relatively high-functioning, attends a mainstream school with some adjustments made for him. He really really likes burgers from Byron's, so the family eats there a lot. On Sunday we went to their place in Greenwich, which is not our 'usual', but we've been there several times before. On arrival we saw customers being escorted upstairs and we asked if we could sit there too. We were refused on the grounds that they were closing upstairs soon and were shown a table downstairs. After we sat down DS complained about noise - music was very loud, people at the table next to us were practically shouting and the acoustics in the lower level is very different to the upstairs. So we asked the waiter if we could move upstairs promising to order quickly and eat before 7 when they needed to close (it was about 6.15). Flat no. DS by that time was covering his ears, squealing quietly and looking very distressed - we didn't bring his ear defenders which was very stupid of us, but we didn't expect to need them as we've been there many times begore. We wanted to leave, but DS refused because it is very difficult for an autistic brain to change plans like that and he really wanted the burger. I spoke to the manager and explained about autism, sensory issues and inflexible patterns. Basically, I begged. The manager refused quite aggressively. Then I saw DH, DS and DD leaving - DH somehow convinced DS to go. The manager looked very happy. Afterwards DS had a cry, we all went to GBK and had a pleasant meal. It was much quieter there. However, the experience left DS overstimulated and he had night terrors at night. He couldn't sleep and kept screaming. Today I am at work preparing for a very important presentation and I haven't had much sleep let alone being exhausted after everything.
AIBU to be really pissed off that the manager could not show a little kindness. I know nobody owes us anything but autism can be quite unpredictable and we had an unexpected meltdown where it was supposed to be a relaxing family meal.

[nancy75]

Are people not reading the OP? Another family were allowed to sit upstairs right in front of their eyes, i.e. 30 seconds before them. I fail to see how that 30 seconds would result in 2 staff not being able to finish on time, or any of the other calamitous situations people on this thread are inventing.

As I said, all the toilets in that restaurant are upstairs - they could have been showing them where to go for the loo!

[crunchymint]

Pingu No some of is know that it might not have been a minor adjustment.

[PanGalaticGargleBlaster]

He sounds pedantic and a jobsworth

To be honest whenever I go to any of those mid-rangey restaurants (Cote, Byron, Carluccios etc) the staff are usually run off their feet and are far from being ‘a jobsworth’. I could not do it

[diddl]

"Are people not reading the OP? Another family were allowed to sit upstairs right in front of their eyes, i.e. 30 seconds before them."

What the Op actually posted-"On arrival we saw customers being escorted upstairs "

[Sirzy]

I think in hindsight where you probably went wrong was not explaining when you first arrived why going upstairs would be easier. Can you book ahead there? If so a phone call before to book a suitable table is probably better. Ds is autistic and we always book ahead when we go out so we can make sure it’s a suitable space for him to minimise the risk of issues.

Not using the word autism in front of him probably just makes things harder for everyone tbh.

[PanGalaticGargleBlaster]

Get onto twitter.

Yeah, trial by social media!

Outraged Twitter mob......ASSEMBLE!

[PinguForPresident]

Are people not reading the OP? Another family were allowed to sit upstairs right in front of their eyes, i.e. 30 seconds before them. I fail to see how that 30 seconds would result in 2 staff not being able to finish on time, or any of the other calamitous situations people on this thread are inventing.

It's truly horrible to read this thread and see how people's attitudes to children with autism and their parents are essentially "suck it up. it's your fault" , "stop whining", "you're SO unreasonable to want minor adjustments for your disabled child"

[nancy75]

The likelihood is to let a family sit upstairs at least 2 members of staff would not have been able to finish their shift in time.

[Gilead]

What if the manager was autistic and felt unable to be flexible about the cut-off time rule in his restaurant? Would pps still feel the need to complain?
Yes, because being flexible would be part of a job description in such a business. The likelihood though of this being the case is pretty damned minimal isn't it.

[Haffiana]

What if the manager was autistic and felt unable to be flexible about the cut-off time rule in his restaurant? Would pps still feel the need to complain?

[nancy75]

The upstairs in Greenwich is usually used as the overflow area & is often closed. There are hardly any tables up there. It seems reasonably obvious at a given time they would not have enough staff to keep the upstairs open. Are you sure the family that went up before you actually sat up there? The toilets are upstairs, it’s quite possible they used the loo & then sat down stairs ( for those of you that don’t know the place it’s in 2 sections downstairs, quite possible to be seated & not see where others are sitting)

[Pringlecat]

You can just about turn two covers in a Byron in 45 minutes, but turning a family is unrealistic. They were right not to let you upstairs.

If you're unwilling to use the word autism in front of DS, would it help to carry some pre-printed cards discreetly explaining his condition for situations like these? I think you need to bring the ear defenders each time though - you can't predict noise levels in London.

YABU to expect Byron to have done anything different, but you definitely have my sympathies for what sounds like a pretty shitty evening (and night).

[Onceuponatimethen]

Op I’m sorry your lovely son was upset and that you didn’t get the break of a nice meal out that you all needed.

It sounds as though this was very badly handled. I can’t see how it would have harmed revenue/other customers to just turn down the volume.

I hope the rest of your week is better

[Bubbles121]

I think it's really sad that this happened following on from National MH week - we are focusing on creating spaces where we can adapt to everyone's needs instead of making them adapt to our version of normal. I love Byron's and this has really put me off them. Do complain OP - a little adaptation from them would have made your son much more comfortable and created a much better vibe for everyone.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

And - they could have said NO but been kind about it and not left you feeling like this

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Complain - please and say what you said here so cruel and they need educating

[donquixotedelamancha]

OP, I’ve seen your husband’s post on Twitter and a reply which tells a very different version of events. No DS with ASD either...

Yes cunning of OP: changing the time, story and people involved in the complaint to hide the connection. Good job we've got mightymuck to join the dot. You tell her.

@OP. The adjustments you asked for were very reasonable, and any decent person would try to accomodate you. I think it's a bit of a shame there are still some people who think the managers conduct was reasonable.

Either complain to Byron, or let it go- it's not the end of the word. Listening to fools on AIBU who just enjoy an argument will only wind you up.

[YouTheCat]

Even if he couldn't accommodate you in the upstairs area, he could have turned the music down. Sounds like you aren't the only ones to have a problem with this place.

[Aika]

Pigeon

Didn't mean any more than I guess venting a bit. It's been really hard recently with the autism etc. Ive asked mn to remove the thread

[mtpicasso]

I know this restaurant. It's not just ' upstairs' - it's a roof terrace. If they had decided to close it, for whatever reason, I think you need to accept that. However I'm sorry that your evening was ruined.

[pigeondujour]

I do feel for you, it's a shame he's very unsettled but I don't think they were that out of order. Certainly not enough to warrant having the restaurant, location, date and time named on a website of this size - not sure if that's purposeful? The fact you mention you've got a stressful day at work today makes me think you're projecting frustration at the situation onto this manager and honestly, you know as much about his personal circumstances as he does about yours. Best to chalk it up as a lesson learnt to take ear defenders and maybe call ahead about a good time for an upstairs table.

[mancmummy1414]

He sounds pedantic and a jobsworth. For the sake of the one minute cut off time, he COULD have been kinder and let the OP upstairs. Yes he was technically ‘correct’ on a minor technicality but morally he was a shit.
Go on twitter and complain! They’ve lost regular customers now by the sounds of it. My sister is autistic and I remember family meals out being a minefield.

[Aika]

Mighty

I don't know why I am responding but... The tweet has nothing to do with us. We didn't ask for or even want the terrace. We were there in the evening not during the day. DH doesn't use Twitter.

But it probably explains why the staff were a bit twitchy...

[Wolfiefan]

But you don't know why he said no. They have a business to run. You need to take the ear defenders if you're eating out or specifically call and ask about a quiet table. You can't just assume that they can accommodate your needs without any notice. It would be lovely if they could but you can't guarantee it.

[spader1987]

Please don't beat yourself up Op. I have a ds 8 with autism and i truly know how hard it can be. You try and plan for every little thing but your only human and sometimes you will forget things. Please ignore all the judgemental posts from people who truly don't have a clue. You simply cannot plan for everything!