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AIBU?

Would you or am I being unfair to my dd?

66 replies

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 15:54

Hi I have 3 children in the same primary school and dd aged 10 and dsd aged 9, they're in year 5. Ds is almost 9 and in year 4. Ds has high functioning autism
My partner is currently off work due to an operation. He is at home all day. I am back at work. My dd and dsd walk home from school to my partner everyday. It's a 5-10 minute walk through a new build housing estate. Would it be unfair of me to ask the schools permission to let my son walk home with his sisters after school? As at the minute I am still paying for after school club fees for my son until I get there which seems a waste of money if my partner is at home.
School only usually let years 5 and 6 walk home but o think they'll be ok if he's walking with his sisters.

What are your thoughts? Is it fair on my daughter to have to wait for him to walk home with her.

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JE17 · 19/03/2018 16:36

If you think they're all capable then go for it. My DC do this, they enjoy the little bit of independence.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2018 16:46

I think the thing that concerns me is your statement "he's not very unpredictable" which to me reads he is and can be unpredictable. If this is the case, no I would not put the responsility on your daughter, that would be unfair on her.

Only you know what you mean by the phrase "not very unpredictable" .

Willow2017 · 19/03/2018 16:52

As long as your ds knows the routine and the rules about only going with his siblings and going straight home there shouldnt be anything to worry about. You know your kids better than anyone.

Round here its pretty normal for kids to walk 5 - 10 minutes home from school from p3 onwards obviously it depends on the kids and if the parents want to collect them thats fine too.

Hidingtonothing · 19/03/2018 16:54

Any reason you couldn't go back to the old arrangement if it did cause any problems? If not I'd at least give it a go, see how they get on and then decide.

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 16:59

I didn't explain myself very well. When I said he's not very unpredictable, I meant he reacts to some things with his ASD. He struggles with food textures and noise mainly and that's what causes him to react.
As long as he knew the routine he'd be fine.

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rocketgirl22 · 19/03/2018 17:02

My dd is ten and very mature and I wouldn't ask her to look after two younger children and quite frankly would be worried about her walking 10m through an estate, but then I am very careful and quite risk adverse.

The plus side is the lack of roads, can you rely on dh to be there supervising them across the road, it is the biggest risk of their journey and this is what I would be most concerned about. Most dc of this age really don't pay that much attention, particularly if they are arguing, talking, looking at phones etc

Sirzy · 19/03/2018 17:05

Noise is generally pretty common outside schools and along roads though.

wildblueberryjam · 19/03/2018 17:08

Are people for real!? 10 is way too young to be walking anywhere alone, let alone being in charge of a younger sibling! And to the poster who let their 6 and 3 year old walk somewhere alone!?!? Jesus Christ! What if they were snatched?! Or something happens to them? Can't believe this casual/negligent approach to parenting.

Blackteadrinker77 · 19/03/2018 17:11

And to the poster who let their 6 and 3 year old walk somewhere alone!?!? Jesus Christ! What if they were snatched?! Or something happens to them

I think you read Year 6 and 3 as age 6 and 3.

WazzitCalled · 19/03/2018 17:13

I think it sounds like a good plan.

Willow2017 · 19/03/2018 17:15

wild
10 is too young to walk home from school are you serious?

Back in the real world.....

surgeryadvicepls · 19/03/2018 17:19

I think it’s fine as it’s only temporary right? Can’t imagine much push back from the school, unless your son’s autism is a safety concern or they don’t feel like his sisters could appropriately look after him during the walk.

angryburd · 19/03/2018 17:19

Slightly off topic but when I read these threads I am curious about how these rules are enforced; how do schools stop children leaving on their own?

GreenTulips · 19/03/2018 17:19

Don't see a problem!

I'd give them some pointers - like what to do if he's not turned up
Who to call if there's a problem (go to main office - don't name a teacher in case they aren't there for example

Mine would've been fine to do this

Greenyogagirl · 19/03/2018 17:20

Obviously all kids are different and you know them best, if the girls are quite mature and know the rules and if ds would listen and happily go with them I don’t see the problem.

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 17:24

It's not really far at all from school. And it's a quiet new housing estate if that makes sense. Not much traffic at all.

My 10 year old goes to the shop up the road etc and walks to friends house and to the park. Just not my son. My dsd prefers to stay at home.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2018 17:24

Noise is quite common on schools and roads though op. In addition your posts seem very sute she would be waiting for him? Would it not be the other way about at any time? Is there a chance he could be waiting for her? And would he manage this?

Also how able is your daughter to say no to you? Would she feel duty bound to say it's fine, would she be able to say she'd rather not or would be worried?

I don't know, but I assume you're not sure and asking for a reason. You know your kids well enough so shouldn't need to ask strangers on line. So the mere fact you're seeking validation would say to me you're not too sure about this.

I also don't understand why you keep saying your daughter has to walk him home.what about your step daughter. Why are you excluding her from this if she walks home with your daughter? They are in the same year so pretty close in age.

Grobagsforever · 19/03/2018 17:27

Don't ASK the school, tell them. They have no jurisdiction as to how you get your children to school.

Drives me mad with schools constantly over stepping like this. Their job is to educate, ours to parent. It's your decision OP, not theirs.

Sirzy · 19/03/2018 17:35

Also if it is only short term would changing it make it harder when he has to go back to after school club?

TalkinBoutWhat · 19/03/2018 17:36

wild - my 10, turning 11 DS is going to secondary school in September. The school do a lot to get their year 5 and 6 students ready for it, including allowing the ones who don't live a great distance away to walk home on their own, and even accompanying younger siblings if the school feel they and the siblings are ready.

The process has to start sometime!

Op, discuss it with the school. They will be able to help you come to a decision in it.

Qvar · 19/03/2018 17:39

Are people for real!? 10 is way too young to be walking anywhere alone, let alone being in charge of a younger sibling! And to the poster who let their 6 and 3 year old walk somewhere alone!?!? Jesus Christ! What if they were snatched?! Or something happens to them? Can't believe this casual/negligent approach to parenting.

GET A FUCKING GRIP

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 17:43

Be assured my daughter would definitely tell me no if she didn't want to do it.
I keep saying my daughter and not my step daughter as they are in he same school year but 11 months apart. September and late August birthdays.
There are two entrances to the school. The back entrance come out into the estate and the front is where all the cars are. It's mainly loud noises like pantomimes and music concerts he doesn't like but even then is fine when wearing ear defenders. He's been to numerous festivals and been fine.
We could definitely go back to the original arrangement if it didn't work out.
All 3 children are aware to go to the office if they lose each other. They did this when I was late due to being stuck in traffic once. When o was supposed to be picking them up.

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SpringEquinox · 19/03/2018 19:04

Our primary encouraged independent walking home ( we were 3 streets away) in Year 6 to prepare them for secondary travel, otherwise getting the bus or train, zigzagging across maybe two London boroughs to the scattered schools that they variously attended , would have been one heck of a shock.

Our duty as parents is to protect our children but that also includes preparing them properly for the next step step in life. Doing things on their own, reasonably assessed, teaches them to develop observational skills that just won't happen if they are passive parcels being delivered here and there.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 19/03/2018 19:05

What's it got to do with the school?

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 20:26

Thank you for all your responses and opinions. I really appreciate them all. It's hard knowing when to give them that freedom isn't it?
I'm going to call the school tomorrow and speak to his teacher

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