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AIBU?

Would you or am I being unfair to my dd?

66 replies

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 15:54

Hi I have 3 children in the same primary school and dd aged 10 and dsd aged 9, they're in year 5. Ds is almost 9 and in year 4. Ds has high functioning autism
My partner is currently off work due to an operation. He is at home all day. I am back at work. My dd and dsd walk home from school to my partner everyday. It's a 5-10 minute walk through a new build housing estate. Would it be unfair of me to ask the schools permission to let my son walk home with his sisters after school? As at the minute I am still paying for after school club fees for my son until I get there which seems a waste of money if my partner is at home.
School only usually let years 5 and 6 walk home but o think they'll be ok if he's walking with his sisters.

What are your thoughts? Is it fair on my daughter to have to wait for him to walk home with her.

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ThatItIs · 21/03/2018 21:42

That’s good news. 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

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museumum · 21/03/2018 21:37

Great.
I plan to let my ds walk home from about 8/9 and he doesn’t have a sibling to walk with. If it’s a short distance at a known time it’s a very small risk and good way to start building responsibly.

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Greggers2017 · 21/03/2018 21:29

Well we tried it and it worked very well today. They all came home together and the girls weren't waiting long at all for my son. The TA from his class took him to his sisters and they came straight home

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BastardGoDarkly · 20/03/2018 10:31

Very sensible op.

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Greggers2017 · 20/03/2018 10:24

Hi I've spoken to school and we are giving it a try tomorrow. The walk also only takes 5 minutes tops.

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AJPTaylor · 20/03/2018 06:27

i would do it without a second thought. where i used to live, most kids walked a fair way to middle school from year 5 so a fair few started walking home in year 4.

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mikeyssister · 20/03/2018 00:09

Feel like a bad Mammy now, all of mine walked home from age 7/8.

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Fruitcorner123 · 19/03/2018 23:36

10 is way too young to be walking anywhere alone

Our school let them walk from year 4 which is 8. I think you are in the minority wild. It's his asd which is potentially an issue but you are his parent and you know best. Perhaps a trial run with you walking nearby would be worth it.

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vdbfamily · 19/03/2018 23:29

It was allowed from yr 4 in our primary and my 3 walked home together. Youngest was an August baby too so youngest in year. They were fine. I would definitely ask.

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MuddlingMackem · 19/03/2018 23:28

wildblueberryjam Mon 19-Mar-18 17:08:36

Are people for real!? 10 is way too young to be walking anywhere alone, let alone being in charge of a younger sibling!

Haha! Are you for real? Our primary lets children walk home alone from Year 3, and both of mine did, although for the first two weeks of Year 3 DC2 had to walk home under DC1's supervision to ensure she could be trusted. In fact DC1 would have been fine to walk home alone from Year 2 had to the school allowed it. Didn't allow them to walk alone to school until back end of Year 5 though.

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Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 23:21

No he doesn't bolt when he hears loud noises. Ambulance sirens etc are noises he's used to, they're everyday noises. It's loud noises like aeroplane engines when boarding a plane to go on holiday or indoor music concerts. And then he just covers his ears or says he has a headache so you'll take him away from the source. He's high functioning ASD, so he is quite good with making himself comfortable and finding ways to manage his stress etc.
My daughter has never had to handle him, he's never been violent to anybody. When he's extremely distressed he will cry or shout but this happens once in a blue moon as we manage what can affect him.
Hope that makes sense.

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Bundlesmads · 19/03/2018 22:28

It sounds like in normal circumstances it would be okay. But what would happen if something out of the ordinary happened? It could just be something simple like a car backfiring or an emergency vehicle siren.

In that situation how would DS react? Would DD feel confident in dealing with it and know what to do? Would she be capable of dealing with it? It probably wouldn’t be an easy task for a ten year old girl to catch a bolting 9 year old boy than it would be an adult. Would she know how to reassure him and get him home safely?

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5plusMeAndHim · 19/03/2018 21:56

I think if the parents have given their blessing of is none of the school's ducking business. And would tell them so.I decide who they go home with not some dozy teacher

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Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 21:51

Thank you deadwood. I would be worried about this if we lived near a main or a busy road. It's a parents worst fear isn't it.
We're very lucky where we live, it's so quiet. The school has two entrances, 1 at the front of the school where most parents who drive, park and then the back entrance goes out the back of the school onto the housing estate.
Fortunately the only road they have to cross is outside the house and DP will be there looking out for them.
I suppose all I can do is talk to the school and maybe give it a try.

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Chattymummyhere · 19/03/2018 21:47

Ours only let secondary aged up pick up siblings. Yr 5 and yr 6 can leave alone but wouldn’t be allowed to collect a younger sibling.

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Deadwood58 · 19/03/2018 21:30

As long as your son isn't likely to run out in front of cars or anything like that, I'm sure it would be fine.

If that did happen, it would be doubly awful because your dd would feel responsible for possibly the rest of her life.

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Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 20:26

Thank you for all your responses and opinions. I really appreciate them all. It's hard knowing when to give them that freedom isn't it?
I'm going to call the school tomorrow and speak to his teacher

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Whatshallidonowpeople · 19/03/2018 19:05

What's it got to do with the school?

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SpringEquinox · 19/03/2018 19:04

Our primary encouraged independent walking home ( we were 3 streets away) in Year 6 to prepare them for secondary travel, otherwise getting the bus or train, zigzagging across maybe two London boroughs to the scattered schools that they variously attended , would have been one heck of a shock.

Our duty as parents is to protect our children but that also includes preparing them properly for the next step step in life. Doing things on their own, reasonably assessed, teaches them to develop observational skills that just won't happen if they are passive parcels being delivered here and there.

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Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 17:43

Be assured my daughter would definitely tell me no if she didn't want to do it.
I keep saying my daughter and not my step daughter as they are in he same school year but 11 months apart. September and late August birthdays.
There are two entrances to the school. The back entrance come out into the estate and the front is where all the cars are. It's mainly loud noises like pantomimes and music concerts he doesn't like but even then is fine when wearing ear defenders. He's been to numerous festivals and been fine.
We could definitely go back to the original arrangement if it didn't work out.
All 3 children are aware to go to the office if they lose each other. They did this when I was late due to being stuck in traffic once. When o was supposed to be picking them up.

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Qvar · 19/03/2018 17:39

Are people for real!? 10 is way too young to be walking anywhere alone, let alone being in charge of a younger sibling! And to the poster who let their 6 and 3 year old walk somewhere alone!?!? Jesus Christ! What if they were snatched?! Or something happens to them? Can't believe this casual/negligent approach to parenting.

GET A FUCKING GRIP

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TalkinBoutWhat · 19/03/2018 17:36

wild - my 10, turning 11 DS is going to secondary school in September. The school do a lot to get their year 5 and 6 students ready for it, including allowing the ones who don't live a great distance away to walk home on their own, and even accompanying younger siblings if the school feel they and the siblings are ready.

The process has to start sometime!

Op, discuss it with the school. They will be able to help you come to a decision in it.

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Sirzy · 19/03/2018 17:35

Also if it is only short term would changing it make it harder when he has to go back to after school club?

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Grobagsforever · 19/03/2018 17:27

Don't ASK the school, tell them. They have no jurisdiction as to how you get your children to school.

Drives me mad with schools constantly over stepping like this. Their job is to educate, ours to parent. It's your decision OP, not theirs.

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Bluntness100 · 19/03/2018 17:24

Noise is quite common on schools and roads though op. In addition your posts seem very sute she would be waiting for him? Would it not be the other way about at any time? Is there a chance he could be waiting for her? And would he manage this?

Also how able is your daughter to say no to you? Would she feel duty bound to say it's fine, would she be able to say she'd rather not or would be worried?

I don't know, but I assume you're not sure and asking for a reason. You know your kids well enough so shouldn't need to ask strangers on line. So the mere fact you're seeking validation would say to me you're not too sure about this.

I also don't understand why you keep saying your daughter has to walk him home.what about your step daughter. Why are you excluding her from this if she walks home with your daughter? They are in the same year so pretty close in age.