To think my therapist was massively inappropriate?

[My38274thNameChange]

I’ve been seeing a new counsellor for a short period of time. She is quite forthright and tbh after some of the sessions I’ve come away feeling like my life is shit. However I’m persevering.

One issue is my DD and her teenage rebellion phase, which DH and I don’t deal with in the same way. So their relationship has been a bit strained over the last year (he isn’t DDs dad).

Today my therapist basically asked me if he was sexually abusing her.

AIBU to wonder where the fuck that came from and why any normal human would jump to that conclusion? I was, and still am, about the whole conversation. Needless to say it isn’t in the realm of possibility and the whole conversation has made me hugely uncomfortable. She told me she “had to ask”. Er - no. No, you don’t.

AIBU to think this was massively over the line and a bizarre conclusion to reach?

[SandAndSea]

One of the craziest people I know is a counsellor. (Just saying.)

[Juiceylucy09]

It is definitely hard to find a good one.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

You haven't replied re qualifications of this person??

This is central to their practise.... Who they're registered with? HCPC, BABCP etc etc?

Or no one??

[crunchymint]

All the research shows that what makes an effective counsellor is not who they are registered with, but qualities of the individual themselves. There are things that can not be taught on a course.

Most institutions like the NHS and Universities measure the effectiveness of their counsellors.

[Shedmicehugh1]

I would say it isn’t just qualities of the person. Being qualified and knowing how to apply therapy is the biggest factor.

[crunchymint]

Except that is not what the research shows

[Shedmicehugh1]

Which research?

[User324]

You can look at research on the therapeutic relationship, and allegiance to model for a start. See for example, Norcross (2011), and authors like Wampold and Imel (maybe some 2015, 2016 publications and a good book on debates in psychotherapy). Also, much older thinkers like Rogers

[Shedmicehugh1]

Surely regardless of research, the first rule of counselling has to be a counsellor has some form of qualification in counselling?

Otherwise any Tom, Dick or Harry could call themselves a counsellor!

[Loonoon]

crunchymint is right, up to a point. I
t is widely accepted in therapeutic circles that the best indicator of a positive outcome in any form of talking therapy is the strength of the bond or 'therapeutic alliance' between the client and the therapist. This bond will be effected by the counsellors innate personal qualities which cannot be taught. It is more important than the level of training/experience a therapist might have or the model of therapy a therapist is trained in, (see Roth and Fonagy, What Works for Whom? A Critical Review of Psychotherapy Research, 2006).

That being said, it doesn't mean that someone untrained would be a safe or effective counsellor. Training is essential to ensure a counsellor is aware of danger signs and red flags, has worked through their own issues, has a knowledge of personality and social development and (relevant in this case) is able to work sensitively and a lot more besides. What it means is that someone with basic training can be as effective a counsellor as someone who is massively experienced and qualified but doesn't have the personal qualities that enable them to establish a bond of trust with the client.

[crunchymint]

Training will make a person with the correct qualities to establish a good therapeutic relationship a better counsellor.
But I was responding to all the stuff about who is she registered with? This tells you nothing.

[Loonoon]

shedmice

Sadly, legally at the moment in the U.K. anyone can set themselves up as a counsellor. It is not governed by any form of legislation.

There are several regulatory bodies that set standards for training, practice and ethics. IME these are well run and maintain very high standards but it is not obligatory to belong to one.

[Shedmicehugh1]

My son had a counsellor, they had a good relationship, got on well, she was a lovely person etc. She applied CBT therapy, when she had no qualifications/training in this area. She did more harm than good!

[crunchymint]

I have never heard of anyone doing CBT without training.
Being a lovely person is not the same as having the qualities to be a good counsellor.

[crunchymint]

So a good counsellor will be having supervision and will maintain good boundaries.

[Shedmicehugh1]

Which brings me back to my first point, it’s not just about qualities of person. Being qualified and knowing how to apply therapy is the biggest factor.

Personal qualities are obviously needed to help the person engage with therapy. However being qualified in the therapy you are trying to apply is of the utmost importance.,

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

As counsellor and therapist are NOT protected titles... Anyone can call themselves this...

It is a real hole in UK legislation.

There are PLENTY of unqualified /unregulated people practising therapies including CBT and other forms of therapy with diddly squat qualifications... A good example are the TV sleb therapist 'the Speekmans'.

You've only got to look at private counsellors and therapists and how many are practising with no registration... Or they've done the most basic counselling qualifications... (eg a few weekends).
These people would NEVER be recruited in the NHS as therapists /counsellors...

Yes there is research to say the therapeutic relationship is crucial... BUT you are much more likely and much safer to go to someone who is registered and has to be subject to a code of practise.

One of the biggest factors in unqualified and therefore untrained 'therapists/counsellors, is they are MUCH more likely to miss red flags... ie suicidality, or when someone is showing early signs of more severe mental health difficulties, or missing important physical health difficulties that need to be referred back to medics. They are much less likely to be au fait with child protection, vulnerable adults... And thus much more likely to miss important factors that are very negative and unsafe for the client.

[Shedmicehugh1]

Or think they know which signs to look out for, when they don’t have a clue!

What is the point of asking someone are you abusing your child! My understanding is if there are safeguarding concerns a counsellor has a duty to report these. This should be made clear at the start of any therapy.

[crunchymint]

Qualified is shown to make no difference.
I am older, most people don't realise until relatively recently there were lots of courses, but no nationally recognised qualifications. Most older counsellors who are members of BACP are through what is called a grand parenting scheme i.e. showing the courses and experience they have - because they could not go on a nationally recognised qualification, they did not exist.
And some people who pass courses are not suitable as counsellors.

[Loonoon]

Crunchymint. A 'good' course by which I mean registered with/recognised by the UKCP or BACP or other professional body will include an element called something like 'suitability to practice' which will be assessed by input from course tutors, references from the students placement and clinical supervisors. On any training I have been on from Diploma level to Masters if the student is not considered suitable to practice they will fail the course regardless of how good their academic or theory results might be. And in every course I have known people fail this element, sometimes for reasons that were blindingly obvious, sometimes it was a mystery to us fellow students The message was always that the safety of clients is paramount.

That's why it's important to know who a therapist is registered with. They won't be registered if they haven't satisfied the professional association that they are competent with both the theory AND are suitable/safe to practice

[Shedmicehugh1]

Could I ask a question please, some of you seem to have some knowledge of counselling.

CPCAB level 4 counselling, what kind of training does this entail? (It’s not a trick question just some info for me, regarding my son!

[crunchymint]

Loonon I know that is the theory, it does not always translate in practice though.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

I've just looked up the cpcab training : (only briefly so I'm happy to be corrected).

It says that you can progress to OU foundation degree (first 2 years of a honours degree-the old HND level) ... This suggests the standard is no more than A level.

I can't see any suggestion that this qualification is recognised/registered by any formal organisation such as BABCP, HCPC, UKCP.


Re grandparenting : There are increasingly fewer counselors practising who have come via grandparenting schemes, as these people are older an many are retired/approaching retirement.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Many qualified therapists /counsellors are educated to honours degree and above,
For example Masters in Psychotherapy, and for Clinical psychologist/Counselling Psychologists (ALL* are now doctoral trained - ie have the title Doctor).

(*apart from a tiny number still practising who qualified 25+ years ago)

[Shedmicehugh1]

iamthedevils thanks when I googled, it said it’s a part time diploma qualification, takes 2 years, 1200 hours to complete. This is my son’s proposed new counsellor. I am being very wary, due to what happened before.

I’m not convinced this counsellor has the expertise/training/experience to support my son’s difficulties. My son likes her, finds her helpful, enjoys their chats. I’m just not sure you can provide the therapy he would benefit from.