Birthday weekend ready meals - OK or not?

[whiskyowl]

MIL has one of those birthdays coming up with a '0' on the end.

DH and BIL are paying for a weekend away for six of us to celebrate. This involves hire of a cottage, a special activity for a day (£200), and we are also paying all food and booze. We've made a huge cake, too.
Obviously, the costs here are quite high.

We will all help cook one meal on two of the evenings. However, this means cooking after the all-day activity, when we will all be pretty tired.

I suggested that instead of cooking from scratch on that night, we got some ready meals in from that posh frozen place, Cook. We could then just bung them in the oven and chill out.

This idea was met with horror from BIL and partner on the grounds that it 'sends the wrong message' and 'wouldn't be spoiling MIL'.

I've never really thought of high-end ready meals as inferior, and I'd never judge someone who served me one. (I'm generally just grateful to be served any food at all!) But I am very definitely not as posh as the rest of them.

Would you be offended at being served high-end ready meals in this situation?

[FinallyHere]

www.cookfood.net

[Tiredmum100]

Can't see the problem with it myself. We had a busy day yesterday, neither of us felt like cooking so got one of the Indian meals for 2 from tesco. Leave it to one of them to sort if it's a problem for them. Or get a takeaway or take a pre made meal such as a lasagne where you can add salad and garlic bread to make it quick and easy?

[AlonsosLeftPinky]

The problem, presumably, is that they don't want frozen ready meals to celebrate someone's milestone birthday.

Quite right too.

[rookiemere]

It should be whatever the person who's celebrating the milestone birthday wants.

Eh - really? So having a milestone birthday means you're free to dictate how others spend their free time and money. This is a break that the OP's DH and DBIL are paying for, I would have thought that the main role of the MIL would be grateful that her DCs are happy to organise such a thing, not issue diktats about expecting a gourmet 3 course home cooked meal after carrying out activities all day long.

It's a difference in expectations and nobody is definitively right or wrong. I remember having a conversation with some friends who went away with other friends. The DW enjoyed making home cooked meals and was horrified that on the friends evenings to provide dinner, they would go for ready made options which they didn't deem to be acceptable. Whereas when I go on holiday, whilst I'm happy to cook maybe one big meal, if I was expected to be preparing gourmet meals every night I'd rather just stay at home where at least I have access to my own spice rack and knives.

[iklboo]

The frozen meal isn't to celebrate the birthday itself though. It's for something to bung in the oven after they've spent a day doing loads of activities and will be worn out.

[MysticFlyTrap]

Thankyou finallyhere definetely upmarket, £27 for a cottage pie

[AlonsosLeftPinky]

Nobody said anything about preparing 3 course gourmet meals.

I do not eat ready meals because regardless of where they're bought from, they're shit. I wouldn't appreciate anyone trying to force their lazy choice on me.

If 4 out of 6 do not want them then it's a pretty simply one to solve isn't it.

And why on earth does it take 4 people to prepare one meal? One couple could do it on one evening and the other couple could take care of it the other evening. So if OP doesn't want to cook after an activity, let BIL take that evening.

[rookiemere]

Wow Alonsos I'm not a great fan of ready meals myself, but I would think it extremely rude to comment on what other people provide for a meal unless it was going to give me food poisoning or was burnt or raw.

If for example the OP did serve up Cook lasagne, then presumably she'd also have some garlic bread and salad. In those circumstances, I'd take a tiny portion of the lasagne to be sociable and then fill up on the other stuff.

If you read the thread OP is already bringing a home prepared meal for the first night.

In the circumstances I'd probably just bring along my slow cooker and ingredients for something that could be bunged in there during the day. Having said that I really don't like the taste of food from the slow cooker, but presumably as long as it's home cooked then it fits the bill.

[Hillarious]

Thanks FinallyHere. Wow - £28 for a shepherd's pie, plus £12 for the ceramic dish. But, if you want to show you've got cash to splash, then why not?. Seriously, though, why not just go for the fish and chips option? At least you'd show some effort in going to collect it from the chippy.

[martellandginger]

Buy a posh lasagne. Only parents of picky eaters make their own surely...

[FinallyHere]

* If you want to show you've got cash to splash*

[Mymouthgetsmeintrouble]

If bil is that concerned then he can arrange the meal for that day

[PattiStanger]

I've never heard of Cook and don't like ready meals so wouldn't want that for my birthday. Id be disappointed if my adult Dc did that for me

I'm amazed that anyone is thinking about Christmas food in March, is that a common thing to do

[Piffle11]

I think you've shown an immense amount of care and consideration with the whole thing, tbf. I would have thought that your MIL will be really chuffed with her DC for making an such an effort, and wouldn't mind at all having a lovely takeaway/posh ready meals for dinner one night.

[Bluelady]

If you don't tell them it's Cook they'll never know. We don't really class then as ready meals, they're about as far from Tescos' as you can get.

[IFancyASliceOfCake]

Strange behaviour from your ILs. You’ll be out all day at an activity. Get fish & chips or a takeaway. Completely normal, acceptable plan.

[gingercat02]

No idea what they taste like but bloody hell they are expensive! MiL lives on m&s ready meals and they are crap. We shop and cook for everyone when we stay. I would take something homemade that reheats well

[whiskyowl]

To those saying "get a takeaway instead of a readymeal", I am confused as to what the difference is between a ready meal and a takeaway? Why is one OK and the other not? If anything, the readymeal shows a bit more effort?

Any why is it OK to have a pub meal, but not to have a readymeal, when a lot of pub meals are readymeals anyway?

Most of the party are vegetarians, so fish is not an option!

I will be making (from scratch) a large quiche to take down for the Friday evening - and I've already made a huge Christmas cake which will be decorated with something personal to her and the weekend, so it's not like there won't be a proper homecooked meal to show effort.

[whiskyowl]

Oh, and Cook are in a different league to readymeals from M&S or Waitrose. They are way better. Trust me, I've just been through 6 months of building work, and for most of that time we have been without a kitchen. I have tried most of the ready meals from every chain in the country! Cook taste homecooked in a way that very little else does.

[WorraLiberty]

Why would YOU be slaving away for days in the kitchen, at Christmas OP? I thought no-one shirked on work?

[whiskyowl]

Worra - Sorry, I should have been clearer. Their family culture is that entertaining in someone's home = that couple's responsibility to organise and prep food. Entertaining out at a rented cottage = everyone's responsibility (except FIL, who doesn't lift a finger).

To be clear, BIL and his partner will help out with the food this weekend! It's really an etiquette question, not a practical question.

[CompleteAisling]

Of the 6 people going, only 2 want it. It should be whatever the person who's celebrating the milestone birthday wants

The birthday person should get to decide that other people cook for them even though they don;t have time to?
The 2 people who want it are the people who otherwise would have to cook! Of course it matters more what they want.

[WorraLiberty]

And what about your DH, considering they're his family?

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

Serving a take-away or a ready-meal when you invite people for diner is weird.

Not cooking on a week-end away and serving cook or other: perfectly acceptable! It would make 0 difference to go to the nearest deli or caterer and bring some food. Cook just happens to be frozen, but it doesn't sound" posh".

You could organise a "cook" for the duration of the stay too, but that's getting ridiculously pricey.

[whiskyowl]

Oh DH will definitely help. He's pretty good like that. It's still a lot of effort for 2 people to cook a 3 course meal from scratch every evening, though! And at Christmas time, when there are umpteen other things that need doing, it's too much, particularly as the family also have a culture of wanting to be entertained with a series of activities that last literally from first thing in the morning, all day. It means that you get back at 6pm after a full day out, and have to turn around and start cooking - it can be really exhausting, particularly for me because I'm quite an introvert and so struggle being around people 24/7. I was therefore going to do a Cook readymeal one day at Christmas to save my strength for the big roast!

To be fair, MIL has no idea about the food plans - this is all being arranged so she doesn't have to lift a finger. So it's not really a "choice" for her and her preferences are unknown.