To not want to go to inlaws anymore because of dh?

[Sleepyduvetday]

I want to know if I abu about these things. Dh and I have two dc, we visit in-laws regularly (they ask us to). When we are there these are the sort of things that happen.

Dh ignores any bad behaviour in the dc, if they're getting boisterous or whatever he just leaves me to sort them out like the default parent.

He ignores me when I speak to him or ridicules me.

For example the other day he was saying he felt really unwell, feverish etc. I suggested he take some paracetamol and he told me I was a paracetamol addict and that he didn't take tablets unless he really needed to.

His mum then gave me some lemsips to take home for him, he asked me to make one up for him there and then and his mum said she'd do it, he said no because his mum does enough for him and. I should do it.

He lets his mum run around after him like a two year old, she cooks a meal for everyone, then is left to clear up after everyone. I help by clearing plates, wiping sides but dh just goes and sits down.

[DullAndOld]

..and the paracetamol thing would have annoyed me too. IN fact Just the word 'Lemsip' sounds really annoying and mollycoddling. Normal adults have a couple of paracetamol and eg a cup of tea.

[LittleMyLikesSnuffkin]

“But you don’t take paracetamol unless you’re dying DH. And you’re not dying. Yet.”

Next time a visit to the inlaws crops up I’d not go and just send twat husband and the kids thereby forcing him to parent them himself in my absence or alternatively highlight to his parents particularly his mother what a useless idiot she’s got for a son.

[LinedPaper]

One of the many, many things I don't miss about ExH is his behaving like a tit-head in front of his parents. He even embarrassed his own father once, it was that bad.

[timeisnotaline]

I have called dh out for this many years ago, but in your case I’d just say I’ll next see your parents when you are going to be a grownup , I lose respect for you watching it. And making me your skivvy isn’t a solution.

[Bekabeech]

IN fact Just the word 'Lemsip' sounds really annoying and mollycoddling. Normal adults have a couple of paracetamol and eg a cup of tea.

Lemsip contains decongestant - so Dull is being unreasonable.

OP your DH sounds like he's being a twat - sorry.
I would talk to him at home, sometime when your DC are in bed/out. And explain to him what an idiot he is being at his parents. That he is to speak to you with respect, and that he is X years old and not a toddler, and perfectly capable of making his own Lemsip.
If he won't take on board the criticism, then I'd be tempted to secretly record him to play back later.
However if he apologises and is willing to change - then maybe you can set up a secret signal to use when he is being a twat? Like a tap on your watch or mentioning "Mr Bunbury".
But if he isn't generally lovely outside his parents I'd be wondering if I can be bothered.

[GnotherGnu]

Next time, warn him before you go that you expect him to do his fair share of looking after the children, that you will not be waiting on him in any way, shape or form, and if expects his mother to wait on him you will be calling him on it every time. Likewise that if he behaves like a twat he can expect to be called on it, publicly.

[DullAndOld]

oh OK bekabeech! I honestly thought it was just crushed up paracetamol and lemon powder/sugar.

Still normal adults don't need their mum to give them LemSips (and I stand by my claim that the very word sounds ...wet)

[drudgewithagrudge]

Are you married to Ray Barone?

[Sleepyduvetday]

In response yes I suppose in a way his dad does ignore mil and treat her as a maid.

I don't think they'd see it like that, but I can remember once fil getting very agitated because she heated his sponge cake up too much.

Dh wouldn't do that, I certainly don't wait on him at home, I think he just turns into a child around his mum and dad, but I don't like it one bit, it's very offputting.

[Jux]

I think you have to pull him up on it every single time. Please start being logical and normal at the ILs, the habit of letting things go means you'll have to keep reminding yourself. If his mum wants to treat him like an idiot child then she can, but don't buy into it. If she tries to give you things instead of giving them to dh, especially if he's actually there, just say "dh, your mum has something for you" and wander off. If he's in another room, then it's OK to take it and give it to him. With the Lemsip, the most you needed to do was take it from MIL and give it to dh. When he expected you to make it for him, remind he's not a child and perfectly capable of making it himself.

[Thebluedog]

Either start pulling him up on stuff like the lemsip and the paracetamol and the ignoring there and then.

If that doesn’t work tell him to take the dc next time and have some you time each week

[SersioulycanitgetWORSE]

Quite a hilarious thread, handing you the lemsip for baba 😂😂.

My Mil did this, dh had his elbows on the the table and she asked if he was allowed to do that at home ,.

Leave him to go alone but he certainly won't be parenting your dc there he will be letting Mil do it all.

[Thebluedog]

Put his lemsip in a sippy cup next time

[GrannyGrissle]

Your DHs behaviour would make my clitoris die a little every time he utters such drivel until boom. One day it'd have lost the will altogether.

[SlackPanther]

He reverts to being a child at his parents.

He doesn't know how to be an adult in front of them.

You could talk to him about that.

Or just tell him how it makes you feel and say that when you next go, the FIRST time he falls into any of these behaviours you will simply up and leave. (The ILs, not your marriage. Keep that one up your sleeve )

[SlackPanther]

Telling him it is very unsexy might work.

[PrimalLass]

Tell him it is very i was going to say that too. Tell him mummy's boys are very sexually unattractive.

[PrimalLass]

Sorry that's totally garbled.

[PhelanThePain]

but feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place at in laws.

Why? Does your tongue fall off when you arrive at your in laws? Use your voice! You have one right? What do you think is going to happen if you speak up? Please tell me you didn’t make the lemsip? (I already know you did) you can say no. Or even better, completely ignore his demand!!

[PhelanThePain]

To be fair she's right, he's lose his head

To be fair, she’s not, he wouldn’t. He would just sulk and suffer until he worked out how to adult.

[UpstartCrow]

Decent people don't act like this.

[BewareOfDragons]

I wouldn't go to the inlaws any more.

If you do, the minute you can tell you're expected to do everything or get treated like the hired help while he reverts to form, leave the house. SEriously. Go for a walk. Pick up the car keys and say you're going out. Go sit on a bench with a book. But leave. Let him deal with the children and his parents.

If the behaviour starts up when you go back to the house, or he dares to criticize you instead of apologizing, pick your things back up and say you're going home. He can make his own way back with the children. And then you will talk about your relationship and how this isn't how you're going to live your life, being a second class citizen in your own family.

[Handsfull13]

I'd send your DH to the in laws with the kids and stay at home and get a rest. I'm sure there's no reason you need to go every time so maybe just every now and again and he does the inbetweens on his own