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AIBU?

Advice needed

56 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 07/02/2018 12:11

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months and we have decided that we would like to try for a baby but I'm on the mini pill and have been for 3 years I have no idea what my fertility is like before I went on the pill my periods where regular as clockwork and I could get it timed right down to the day but what I would like to know is how long it took to get pregnant after you stopped taking the pill I know it might take me a while and I have told my boyfriend that it might not happen first time. This is a first baby for both of us. Please be nice and not judgemental.

OP posts:

Report

Amanduh · 07/02/2018 12:48

I got pregnant on the pill! So it didn’t affect my fertility whatsoever

lollipop306 · 07/02/2018 12:55

I only had one period after being on rigevidon and then I fell pregnant.

I was AMAZED how fast....

lollipop306 · 07/02/2018 12:56

@PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox 😂😂👏🏼👏🏼

Trashboat · 07/02/2018 12:57

this isn't something that we are doing on a whim

You have been together for 6 months and already had a false alarm.

It is on a whim.

Have you discussed who will stay at home with the baby? What will happen to the bills when you go on mat leave? What will happen when/if you go back to work?
Do you live together - who's name is the house in? I assume you haven't got a joint mortgage/rental agreement after 6 months? What will happen if it all goes tits up?

Apologies if you have discussed all this, but it all sounds extremely intense.

BusyCrisps · 07/02/2018 12:59

First 'attempt' here, but I can say that when I discussed it with doc (due to other medication) I was advised to just 'go for it' as it might have taken a while. I am very aware of other friends finding out late that they will have difficultly conceiving.

That said, I was over 30 at the time and been with partner way more than 6 months...

Trashboat · 07/02/2018 13:00

In fact, I am calling wind up otherwise why would you even mention you had only been together 6 months. It's totally irrelevant to your OP.

specialsubject · 07/02/2018 13:02

Getting pregnant might be the least of your worries. A few years of sleep deprivation? Secure housing? Team effort on finance? Not married so screwed if he decides to walk .

Thought all that through? Not judgement, just common sense.

Auntie is irrelevant.

OutyMcOutface · 07/02/2018 13:04

If you didn't want people to be judgmental then you didn't need to go into the back story. It's completely irrelevant. Maybe as HQ to edit your OP?

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 07/02/2018 13:05

ShutYoFace thank you I know your right and we are thinking long and hard about it because I know a baby could put a lot of strain on a fairly new relationship we may change our minds and decide to wait a bit longer.

Starkinthesouth thank you for your answer I guess only time will tell what happens. I realise that it may happen or it may not who knows. I'm alright trying to lose weight because that will improve my chances.

Mybabystolemysanity thank you for your answer we will be thinking long and hard about because I realise that it's a big step for our relationship we will be talking about it some more before we make a final decision nothing is set in stone yet but I will start taking folic acid thank you.

Lastoftheusernames thank you for your answer I realise that we do need to think long and hard about this.

WaitrosecoffeeCostaCup thank you I'm trying to be realistic and I fully understand that it sounds crazy but I have taken everyones answers on board.

Hopingandprayingthistime good luck I'm so sorry that you lost your first baby. Thank you for your answer. Xx

MrsDraper1 I know you weren't being snippy just honest I'm very sorry if it sounded like I was being snippy.

Thank you everyone I fully appreciate all your answers you have all given me food for thought.

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 07/02/2018 13:09

What is your job/house/living situation like? Are you otherwise quite stable in these areas? What is his situation like? How old are you?

If it's last chance saloon then get thee to the nearest supermarket and buy some folic vitamins. If you are late to early 30s then wait. You asked for views and have received them.

Mrsdraper1 · 07/02/2018 13:09

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

confusedhelpme · 07/02/2018 13:15

10 years!

duckingfisaster · 07/02/2018 13:19

It took a week.

Also we’d only been together for six months. Biggest mistake of my life (I love my children ferociously - the relationship with their Dad was the mistake).

If you are determined to go ahead I would recommend making sure he is happy to have joint finances, supports your decision regarding going back to work or not, you both agree on how much he is willing to sacrifice (from nights out, to going to the gym to getting up on a Saturday morning at 5am when he has been at work all week & is knackered because you’ve only had 10 hours sleep in a week even though you ‘haven’t worked’), what are his views on discipline, education. What does he do when he is angry and tired (is he a sulker /aggressive or reasonable?). If you have a third degree tear and don’t want/can’t have sex for months will he be mardy/go elsewhere? If it turns out that you are someone who piles on weight when pregnant will he still fancy you and make you feel beautiful? Do you like his family - enough for them to be your child’s family, forever. Do you both want to live where you are forever or move a long way away?

Six months is honeymoon phase - you want to rip each other’s clothes off & can’t see each other’s faults. Bringing a child into that before the reality has set in is a foolish risk & you should enjoy each other/get to know each other/have some happy memories and foundation to fall back on when times are tough. Trust me.

duckingfisaster · 07/02/2018 13:21

(Not intended in any way to be nasty - I just wish someone had said that to me before we made that decision!)

ShutYoFace · 07/02/2018 13:26

thank you I know your right and we are thinking long and hard about it because I know a baby could put a lot of strain on a fairly new relationship we may change our minds and decide to wait a bit longer

if you know i am right why are you even considering such a foolish thing? You may decide to wait a bit longer? You should be waiting a lot longer, years longer. This is a recipe for disaster.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 07/02/2018 14:41

Thank you everyone for your advice it is very helpful I think me and my boyfriend have a lot to think about and discus before we go in to this head long and make a life changing decision. In answer to someone's question I'm 28 and he's 25. You have all given me some great advice that I will go away and strongly think about before I do anything this really isn't something that we are taking lightly and after reading everyone's comments I think we should maybe wait a little longer.

OP posts:

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 07/02/2018 14:45

What an apt username.

FlouncyDoves · 07/02/2018 14:46

My advice is try staying together for at least longer than the gestational time it takes for a baby to be born.

VladmirsPoutine · 07/02/2018 14:54

6 months in and you are 28 and he is 25

You need to stay on the pill and wait. You haven't even been together for the time it takes to gestate and given birth.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 07/02/2018 14:57

Hi op,

Can I ask how old you are? Sorry if you've already said and I missed it.

6 months is very soon to be trying for a baby but its your decision.

I have friends who have come off contraception and its taken them varying time to concieve. One friend was on the mini pill for 7 years, came off and tried for a baby and fell pregnant on her first cycle. Another friend had the depo injection and it took her 7 months to conceive. It really varies from person to person.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 07/02/2018 14:59

Ah sorry, just seen you are 28.

That is still very young, is there any reason you are in such a hurry to have a baby? Why not try in another 6 months time when you've got to know one another a little better? I know its your life and your decision but you can't really know someone or what kind of parent they would make after 6 months. The strain of a baby is a test for any relationship let alone one that is so new.

It's your life and your choice but I think you might regret rushing into it so soon.

hopingandprayingthistime · 07/02/2018 15:23

Good luck OP. There is no reason to rush - you have time on your side! Generally speaking, 25 is VERY young for a man to take on the responsibility of becoming a Father nowadays (women tend to be emotionally maturer earlier). Once the baby is conceived there’s no going back. From personal experience, even TTC and pregnancy (and miscarriage) has been a rocky road and I’ve needed really strong support and it really hasn’t always been easy for us as a couple. There have been a lot of tears.

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Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 07/02/2018 15:23

Wellfuckmeinbothears thank you for your advice I have taken it on board I think me and him have a lot to talk about and figure out before we go making and kind of decision because I know having a baby is a very big responsibility but I have experience of kids from being a foster carer with my sister and also having my niece from when she was a baby so I know what to expect and have some idea of what I'm doing but that is all completely different to being a mum. I have a lot to think about.

OP posts:

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 07/02/2018 15:26

Hopingandprayingthistime thank you and good luck with your pregnancy I hope it all goes smoothly and enjoy your precious bundle of joy. I think I'm just worried that if it gets left too late then I may not get a chance to be a mum I know these eggs so carrying have a use by date.

OP posts:

Eliza9917 · 07/02/2018 15:31

How long have you lived together?

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