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AIBU?

Is this rude? Perspective needed

52 replies

Spartaca · 03/02/2018 12:43

Best friend and family coming for lunch. They have two kids, one 4 and one nearly 2. We have 3...7, 5 and 3 months.

We asked them round mid afternoon as our child has a club this morning. They asked that we eat at 1 to fit around the younger child. We shuffled stuff around to accommodate so older child got back here at 1215, lots of running around for them to be due at 1230.

Message at just gone 1230 to say younger child hasn't napped yet and they want him to have at least an hour, so will be round later.

Cue disappointed children, a load of food I have to keep warm and avoid spoiling. One of two days off wasted sitting around waiting indefinitely.

I'm cross. And hungry so we are all eating sarnies waiting for them. There is a slight back story in that we always have to fit around their kids, and messages are often ignored unless something is wanted.

But then I think this is just how it is with kids and old friends. They don't want their child to be tired and grumpy over our long awaited catch up.

DH is more cross, because as always we are being dictated to, and to start trying a kid for a nap at the time you are due somewhere seems rude.

We'll get on with it and over it, but I can't decide if it is rude or just a fact of life.

Opinions?!

OP posts:

Report

Spartaca · 03/02/2018 13:19

I fucking did as well, my boobs look awesome to be fair.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 03/02/2018 13:19

Rude. I wouldn't bother inviting them again. They expect your children to wait about for a 2 year old to have a nap.

Eat the food and stuff them.

cherish123 · 03/02/2018 13:19

It is quite rude. Even if their child normally eats or naps at a particular time, they should have the good manners to alter it slightly in order to be a good guest. The whole world will not collapse if DC eats or naps at diff time. In fact, children brought up in an environment where their needs dictate situations will struggle when they are older - they will be over entitled .

ForgivenessIsDivine · 03/02/2018 13:21

Feed your family and keep some for them. If you are feeling generous, maybe you could save desert.

Find a film or a game to entertain your children.

Smile and pour yourself a glass of wine in the knowledge that you are fab and lovely and they are bloody awkward sods...

mrsplum2015 · 03/02/2018 13:23

Really tricky. Of course they are totally rude. But having had 2 dc (out of 3) who really are difficult, I would kind of understand that the afternoon might well be ruined if they bring their youngest without having had a nap. I have 2 dc who can't be predicted exactly but at that age you kind of know what's going to work and what's basically going to mean you will have to just go home straight away due to meltdowns. Maybe your friend feels you are close enough that she can just judge it and try to get the best possible adult time. Also they may totally not get the "next stage" of parenting which involves working around clubs etc.

Spartaca · 03/02/2018 13:26

In an ironic turn of events they are on their way and the baby has just fallen asleep. 😂

We'll have a nice time and I'll just be a bit more aware in the future I think.

OP posts:

Sleephead1 · 03/02/2018 13:27

I would eat now and just txt them to see your eating but will keep good for them. My little boy really needed his maps otherwise he would just cry and be tired and upset I do think they are trying to avoid that and I have had to sometimes ask if a bit later would be ok but so have some of my friends and my cousin because of naps and cranky kids I know some kids are fine when they arrive but some aren't and they probably want to spend a lovely afternoon with you all not deal with a very over tired and grumpy toddler. If this is the case they should have rang explained and been apologetic. If you think they are just messing you around for no good reason then thats different. Hope it all goes ok and you have a lovley catch up

PurpleRobe · 03/02/2018 13:30

I wouldn't delay eating as it may turn out they eat whilst theit kid is napping?!

gamerwidow · 03/02/2018 13:31

Next time stick to your guns and have lunch when it suits you instead of bending over backwards to accommodate them. So rude they obviously value their convenience more than your friendship.

cherish123 · 03/02/2018 13:41

Most 2 years, if they are still having a nap, would only have a quick one.

SkyIsTooHigh · 03/02/2018 13:44

Yeah it's inconsiderate of them, but I think close family and best friends get a bit more license than the world at large.

treeofhearts · 03/02/2018 13:47

Well we've reorganised our day once already so we'll go ahead and eat then we're going out at x time. If we havent seen you by then we'll catch up next time xxx

APerfectSky · 03/02/2018 13:53

Yep, v. rude. Although I find it strange you asked them for lunch and originally said mid afternoon. I wouldn't have made my kids wait till 3 for lunch and would have fed them earlier, which means they probably wouldn't have wanted another lunch. But regardless, they changed the time then didn't show, so they are def in the wrong!

FrancisCrawford · 03/02/2018 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 03/02/2018 13:57

It’s self-importance to the point of rudeness, yes. I used to hate it when plans were dictated by fucking naps. It’s not something I ever did or related to. There are those who will say their child would be dreadful without —the world revolving around— their nap, but if you have to be so completely specific about where, when and how they nap that’s your own choice. I never allowed my kids to dictate my life like that and certainly had no time for it from other people’s.
I’d go ahead and eat...don’t make your kids wait for their kids like they matter more. If they want to exalt the bloody napping they can live with the consequences of not having lunch. That’s what happens when you allow napping to be the be all and end all...you miss out.

Namechangeuser · 03/02/2018 13:57

It's very rude. Admittedly I can be a bit of a bore when it comes to my babies naps...however, I would never change plans last minute like that.

RedDogsBeg · 03/02/2018 14:03

So they have well and truly messed you about, you put lunch on hold and have now eaten sandwiches as you were hungry, now they are arriving for lunch and you have already eaten so won't want anything now?

Honestly, OP, your dh is right they are rude and you are being dictated to and allowing them to do so. Friendship, like any relationship, is a two-way street with give and take, compromise, respect, a bond between equals, it is not a competition to see who can get away with being dictatorial and who can lay down and be a doormat whilst thinking they are 'cool' and 'laid back' for doing so.

Stop allowing yourself and family to be treated like this.

Love51 · 03/02/2018 14:15

Don't blame yourself for this. You get so used to people acting according to social norms that it throws you when they don't. We've got a family like this. I never offer more than I'm comfortable getting messed with now. Meeting for swimming? See you in the pool. That way my kids are not left hanging around/ inconvenienced. (Not that I think my kids should never be inconvenienced, but they are more likely than not to mess us about). I mainly meet them in public places and don't tell my kids until they arrive! Saves 'how long until xxx gets here' 'i don't know, depends on their mood'.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/02/2018 14:21

I hope they've turned up now and you're all eating lunch! I was just imagining that they would turn up late and say "Oh we had to eat while the baby was napping, sorry" which would have been Even Worse (and I've seen similar on here before)

Next time don't be quite so accommodating - they have no compunction about messing you around, so put it back on them a bit next time.

Louiselouie0890 · 03/02/2018 14:30

I dont accommodate to my child to an extent. I'd take the Moses basket let them kip there etc.

Louiselouie0890 · 03/02/2018 14:31

Also the food at 1 can't be that strict if babies having a nap

windchimesabotage · 03/02/2018 14:54

I think its a combo. When you have a toddler then it can be difficult to get to places on time but personally I would not expect that people wait to eat for me and my toddler. So I do think they are being rude, not for being late but for the expectation that you will wait for them or change plans for them.
Next time just politely say what your plans are, with the times, then do not change them (i mean withing reason, if its just a matter of mins thats probs okay)

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princesssparkle1 · 03/02/2018 15:02

I leap to be the cool, laid back, easy going best friend

Why?

Why can't you just be who you are? Why pretend?

Jassmells · 03/02/2018 15:06

Hmm so their time/schedule is more important than yours? (And you have a 3 month baby!)

NotBeingOuted · 03/02/2018 18:31

They so read this thread and saw they were deemed unreasonable so left!

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