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AIBU?

To not want to take my child to uncles wedding?

32 replies

c4bbage · 20/01/2018 02:41

I apologise in advance if this is terribly written, I'm sleep deprived with a 3 month old baby!

NC so I wont be recognised. DP brother is getting married October 2019. DP is going to be his best man and DD will be 2 years old. When the engagement was announced and DP was asked to be best man we both discussed that we should probably arrange for my mum to look after DD so we can have the chance to let our hair down and enjoy ourselves. I know it's early days and our baby is only 3 months old but I'm not planning on having many nights away from her so I thought this would be a good opportunity and she would be a good age to start having sleepovers at her Grans. Anyway I was discussing the wedding with MIL and happened to bring this up with her. I really didn't think their would be any issues but she was unhappy about it and questioned why I wouldn't take my daughter along with me. I explained that we thought it would be good for us to use the wedding as an opportunity to have a little break and that DD would probably be potty training at the time and going through the terrible twos. I was made to feel guilty about it and now I feel terrible. I'm sure DP brother wouldn't mind but she was acting as if it was her day and it would ruin it for her. Without trying to drip feed, she barely comes over to see DD and when she does I feel like she's questioning my parenting and she makes comments to DP about the way I do things.

AIBU? I really didn't see any problems when me and DP discussed it but I feel guilty now.

OP posts:

Report

HuskyMcClusky · 20/01/2018 02:48

Why on earth are you discussing this now?! It’s just pointless. Anything could happen between now and Oct 2019.

NewYearNiki · 20/01/2018 02:53

Why on earth are you discussing this now?! It’s just pointless. Anything could happen between now and Oct 2019

Quite. It is nearly 3am on 20th January 2018. Your are fretting over something at this hour that will take place 21 months from now?

Nothing would please me more than to not have my two year old nephew at my wedding he was a little brat

You might find they're happy not to have her there.

c4bbage · 20/01/2018 02:53

Husky - sorry I should have mentioned that we are staying at the wedding venue and they need to know numbers for rooms etc. This includes children under 2

OP posts:

c4bbage · 20/01/2018 03:01

NewYearNiki - I'm awake at this time as DD is cluster feeding. Not fretting I just wanted opinions. I was just a bit taken back by her reaction because I didn't think it would be a problem when we discussed it.

OP posts:

NewYearNiki · 20/01/2018 03:03

So include her and then inform the hotel later she is not there if you change your mind. I'm assuming it is easier to remove someone from a room list than to add one.

21 months is a long time and plenty of revisions will be made to wedding plans in that time.

NewYearNiki · 20/01/2018 03:04

I was just a bit taken back by her reaction because I didn't think it would be a problem when we discussed it.

Does seem an ott reaction from them. People are so very demanding with this sort of thing.

As i said before just put her on the list and you can surely just take her off at a later date.

Sparrowlegs248 · 20/01/2018 03:04

Your 2 yr old will sleep on the same room as you if you are in a hotel . Tell them she's coming then make your mind up later. You have no idea how you'll feel in 2 yrs time

c4bbage · 20/01/2018 03:08

NewYearNiki that's what I was planning on doing. Booking her and changing our mind isn't the problem, I just wanted to know if it would be unreasonable to consider not taking her. As I said I never saw a problem with it but when I mentioned it to MIL she was very unhappy about it.

OP posts:

NewYearNiki · 20/01/2018 03:10

Oh god no. Not at all unreasonable. 2 year olds would be hard to manage at a wedding and why shouldn't you have some child free time.

c4bbage · 20/01/2018 03:13

NewYearNiki - Exactly my thoughts. Of course I know I might change my mind and decide to take her but I'm just a bit annoyed with the way she acted when I said we might not.

OP posts:

Faroutbrussel · 20/01/2018 03:45

Pretty much every wedding we have been to in the last few years children were not invited to the reception. People were travelling long distances and lots left their children for the weekend and enjoyed letting their hair down. I would book DD in the accommodation though and decide nearer the time.

Pinkbedsheets · 20/01/2018 03:50

Completely up to you, I guess it depends how you feel closer to the time. You could have an angel child or you might not. But, 2 year olds are 2 year olds so I wouldn’t count on taking her. Could your mum not come to the wedding and after a certain time take her back to the room and look after her for the rest of the night ? Don’t worry what anyone else says or thinks, especially if you don’t plan to have many nights out. Everyone needs a break

Rainbowqueeen · 20/01/2018 03:52

If your DP is best man then you will be in sole charge of your DD at the wedding and probably the whole morning before the wedding while your DP is with the groom
So your decision. And I would do exactly as you are doing. Pre schoolers are the hardest IMO to keep quiet and still at weddings.

Ignore your MIL. Sounds like she just wants to show off DD to her family and friends and isn't thinking about what suits you and what is practical

MargaretRiver · 20/01/2018 04:03

Don't discuss it or even think about it
I she asks again, just say you'll decide nearer the time

As for the venue needing exact numbers, in a typical family over a 2 year period, there's likely to be someone either:

give birth / adopt/ foster
pass away / be seriously ill or injured
emigrate / work overseas/ change job & become unable to get time off work
separate / divorce/ marry get engaged

Names and numbers can't be set in stone this far off, so don't give it another thought !

yorkshireyummymummy · 20/01/2018 04:09

It’s sweet FA to do with your MIL if you take your dd to the wedding.

Book the room with a cot for DD and then see what her behaviour is like closer to the time and make your decision then. By doing this you get your MIL off your back for the next 21 months but ultimately, the decision to take her or not belongs to you and your DH.
But I would be booking my DM tobabysit and would be looking forward to a child free night involving alcohol, sex, sleep,in and breakfast in my room courtesy of room service! Enjoy!

WatchingFromTheWings · 20/01/2018 08:41

I'd have done the same as you! If you've a willing babysitter, I'd be taking full advantage of having a night off. And don't feel guilty about it!

Dipitydoda · 20/01/2018 08:54

I really don’t know why you’re considering this now! Book your child in. By the time the wedding is here, your mom ugh the not be capable of liking after your daughter, potty training at two? You might have a good year to go, your daughter might not be at a stage of being left overnight for any Number off reasons You could be pregnant. You might have divorced other half! This is donor worth the drama now

pasturesgreen · 20/01/2018 08:59

Seems lime a sensible plan to leave DD with your mum. Seems absolutely ridiculous to be fretting about the logistics of it all in the middle of the night nearly two years before the event is due to take place they might break up and call off the whole thing.

Slartybartfast · 20/01/2018 09:03

and she will be under 3 so wont count for numbers imo.
think about it nearer the time op.

Bananamanfan · 20/01/2018 09:09

You need to make the decision, op, as you will be the one entertaining for hours in an unsuitable setting.

Sassypants82 · 20/01/2018 09:11

I never take my children to weddings. Terribly long & boring day for them not to mention a trial to look after. I'm sure your MIL will get over it, she certainly has ample time to come to terms with it.

FadedRed · 20/01/2018 09:13

Two things:

A sage nod and "We'll decide nearer the time of the wedding." And change the subject.
stop discussing the minutiae of your life with your MIL. Be vague and non-committal about stuff with her.

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SisterMoonshine · 20/01/2018 09:13

Your MIL is just looking forward to a happy occasion when all the family gets together. She can be disappointed and you can play it how you want.
You never know, she might turn out to be a lovely grandparent who your DD loves and takes on a lot of the minding for the day. Or not...

Layla8 · 20/01/2018 09:15

Enjoy the wedding with your DP, you can’t do that with a two year old to look after. Ignore your MIL. She’s an idiot and needs to learn some boundaries.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 20/01/2018 09:17

I think weddings are for family too like your MIL rather than an opportunity to let your hair down. However we always take ours and never felt the need to leave them for a break so find it strange that others choose to have children then leave them often to do childfree things,

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