Inviting the whole class to a birthday party

[Peacefulmama]

AIBU post: Please let me know your thoughts on who you invite to birthday parties.

Our little girl is starting school in September 2018 and her birthday is about 5-6 weeks later in mid-Oct. Aware that this year I would need to hold a weekend party for the first time, I was planning on pre-booking a party venue (or something) and said to my husband that we would have to let the venue know numbers but leave 3 or 4 spaces 'open' in case she makes new friends in school and really wants them at her birthday party.

Husband then said that to avoid leaving anyone out, if we invite a few of her new school mates, we should invite the whole class. He grew up in a big family where the attitude was 'if one kid gets something, they all get that same something' .

I think that's a lovely attitude for family members and established friends but to apply it to a class of 30 five year olds, most of whom your kid has only just met, is bonkers.

I was originally planning a party at a soft play or animal sanctuary with maybe 10 of her cousins and friends. Surely inviting the whole class would be really expensive, also quite stressful to organise such a large gathering, and if my daughter has only bonded with two other kids, I just dont see the point in inviting the other 28 to a special occasion like a birthday party. I'm all up for encouraging bonding and making new friends but this seems a bit much.

Am I being unreasonable? Or am I thinking on the right lines and DH is the weird one. I have no school age kids so I dont know if the protocol for kids parties changes when they go to school?

Would welcome your thoughts xx

[GhostsToMonsoon]

I foolishly listened to DH who said "let's just invite everyone" to DD's 5th birthday. I thought 15-18 would come. We had 26! In contrast, DS invited 14 to his last party, and only 8 were able to come. It appears that Sunday afternoon is preferable to Saturday afternoon and that no-one is likely to be away in early January. DD's class is very boy-heavy (23 boys to 7 girls) - if it was more even, I would be tempted to invite just the girls.

A whole-class party is fine at soft play I think - most of the soft play parties tend to be whole-class ones and it's not too much work as you just have to provide the cake and party bags. We have had a lot of whole-class parties in Nursery and Reception - mostly soft play, but one was with a magician at a village hall, one at the snowdome and there's going be one at a dry ski slope.

[HamishBamish]

Where we are whole class parties until around P3 are the norm. Then children tend to invite fewer children from across different classes. Last year DS1 went go-karting for his 9th birthday. We restricted it to 8 children (including him) as it was quite expensive.

[HamishBamish]

Also, I never have parties in my own home. Far too much chaos! We always have them where the children are entertained by the activity/venue and party food provided. I just supply party bags and cake.

[FrenchJunebug]

I would invite the whole class so that you can meet the parents. It doesn't need to be extravagant. For the past two years, I've hired a hall and provided foods for the kids and a party bag. Not all the class can come but it's nice to invite all. Thus said my son is now in year two and I'll be six friends only this year with a more elaborate outing.

[Kithulu]

But how else will you know which parents/ children to avoid?

[HairyToity]

We're doing a whole class but we only have to confirm numbers for soft play 2 days before. I'm doing it for reception but might do it differently next year.

[mommybunny]

But how else will you know which parents/ children to avoid?

I know it was meant humourously, but in my DD’s school’s case that was the point: no one was to be avoided that early on. Everyone was presumed worthy of knowing and being known, and everyone had a chance to be part of the fun.

As I said, now my DD is almost 11 there definitely are cliques and gangs (and my DD knows she isn’t one of the “cool” girls and is totally fine with that), but it still doesn’t seem as ruthless as I know some schools can get with girls of that age.

[ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs]

Mine all had full class party p1 and p7, smaller gatherings in between

[foxyloxy78]

I would go for whole class parties. Best time for them to make friends on a social level....

[BackforGood]

Of course YANBU.
I've managed to navigate 3 dc through Infant and Junior school without ever having a whole class party.
Even the 10 - 12 you are suggesting sounds a lot to me for a just turning 5 yr old.
I do think that generally once they start school it is normal to invite friends from school to their parties though.
We used to have Grandparents / local cousins round to tea one weekend, or one day on the weekend, and have the school friends party on a different day. dc rather liked having 3 different 'birthdays' .
However, there is no need to go down the 'whole class' route. You also have the advantage (being old in the year) that there isn't a 'precedent' set by half the class already