Inviting the whole class to a birthday party

[Peacefulmama]

AIBU post: Please let me know your thoughts on who you invite to birthday parties.

Our little girl is starting school in September 2018 and her birthday is about 5-6 weeks later in mid-Oct. Aware that this year I would need to hold a weekend party for the first time, I was planning on pre-booking a party venue (or something) and said to my husband that we would have to let the venue know numbers but leave 3 or 4 spaces 'open' in case she makes new friends in school and really wants them at her birthday party.

Husband then said that to avoid leaving anyone out, if we invite a few of her new school mates, we should invite the whole class. He grew up in a big family where the attitude was 'if one kid gets something, they all get that same something' .

I think that's a lovely attitude for family members and established friends but to apply it to a class of 30 five year olds, most of whom your kid has only just met, is bonkers.

I was originally planning a party at a soft play or animal sanctuary with maybe 10 of her cousins and friends. Surely inviting the whole class would be really expensive, also quite stressful to organise such a large gathering, and if my daughter has only bonded with two other kids, I just dont see the point in inviting the other 28 to a special occasion like a birthday party. I'm all up for encouraging bonding and making new friends but this seems a bit much.

Am I being unreasonable? Or am I thinking on the right lines and DH is the weird one. I have no school age kids so I dont know if the protocol for kids parties changes when they go to school?

Would welcome your thoughts xx

[MaryPoppinsPenguins]

My DD’s have had whole class parties every year so far.. DD1 is 7 and has had them since 3, and DD2 is only 4 so has had 2. Most people we know have whole class parties.

[ceeveebee]

I have twins in seperate classes - the majority of parties they went to in reception were whole class parties, sometimes a couple of parents joined forces and did joint parties. We went to 42 parties in reception!!! It was a good way to meet all the parents but did clog up all our weekends.
For their own party, we invited the girls from DD’s class and the boys from DS’s as we clearly couldn’t have all 60.
Now in year 1 it’s got a bit more selective but still very often all the girls or all the boys

[MarklahMarklah]

We've done whole-class parties and they're been okay.
Pick a venue that "does" kids parties, and where they assist with activities, etc.
We found our local wildlife trust were good. Exclusive use of a room, which they set up with tables and chairs. They provide a number of activities for the kids, so you can get the food out. Parents can stay, but go with their kids.
We did a party lunchbox for each child, so anything they didn't eat went back in the lunchbox and got taken home with them.
And it was a good price.

[Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar]

It's quite standard to invite the whole Reception class for an early in the year birthday. Not necessary, but far from unusual.

[luckylavender]

I think it's far too early to decide. She has a lot of growing up to do in between,she may also meet some of them in taster sessions and that could shape her decision.

[NancyJoan]

Early in the Reception, their ‘friends’ change from one day to the next.

Whole class is usual here, up until about Year 2. Hall and entertainer rather than a pay per head job. Nice way to get to know kids/parents.

[RedSkyAtNight]

Either approach is perfectly valid.

With an early in the year birthday you can just stick to a smaller old friend and family type party or if you do want to invite the whole class, it can be a good icebreaker.

I do feel by booking so far in advance you're very much missing out the crucial element of what your DD would actually like to do !

Whole class parties were never a thing here - possibly because the infants school my DC went to was quite free format so the identity of a "class" was quite fluid as they mixed within their whole year group of 60 - and no parents were willing to invite 60 children to parties!

[CoffeeBreakIn5]

Similar position for us this year, except DS had been in school nursery but started at a different primary school for reception. Initially we'd planned a party for his nursery friends as they were his actual friends and thought no more about it. Then the play dates started happening with his new friends along with the party invitations. We ended up with 2 parties because DS was so upset he couldn't invite his friends.

The first party was strict on numbers, which is just as well really because only inviting a few children out of his new class would have been awkward as I have later found out when one of the parents did this. DS's reception class is a lot smaller than the nursery class so I just hired another venue and we did 2.

Looking back, what I should have done is booked a venue in advance (DS's birthday is December so things get booked quickly) but then not sent out the invitations until later. Then I should have invited the class and had the old class as extras as he hasn't stayed in touch with all of the children, he still has play dates with a few of them.

I'd invite the whole class, it will help to cement new friendships and you can get to know some of the parents. You could always have a smaller tea party type event for family and non school friends afterwards. It's difficult but after DS's school party he seemed to have an easier time making friends.

[hibbledibble]

Whole class parties are the norm in reception. This is because friendship groups aren't settled yet, so you don't know who their close friends are yet.

Personally I would do a whole class party this year, and do a smaller party next week if you wish.

[allthgoodusernamesaretaken]

I would book a hall and an entertainer and invite the whole class. it's a good way to get to know people.

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

Lots of whole class parties in reception ime. I always found it gave me a chance to chat to the parents as well and exchange numbers for play dates etc. And my kids tended to get invited to everyone's party for the rest of the year - even those who had smaller parties because we had invited them. Whether that's a good thing depends on your view because it meant them being invited to parties most weekends and sometimes more than 1 in a day!
Some kids obviously do have smaller parties and some don't do parties at all though. It's up to you and your budget really. If you do go for a whole class one hall hire and a bouncy castle/buffet will probably work out cheaper per head than softplay unless you find somewhere with a deal on.

[Cath2907]

We do small parties where DD invites her friends. She chooses who to invite. This year it is 2 cousins, 1 family friend, 5 friends from her class in school and one girl from the class below who she knows from an out of school club. Total is a party for 10 small kids. a far easier number for me to handle and pay for. It was mostly the same kids last year and everyone knows a few of the other invitees. I don't see the issue with this approach. I wouldn't invite 28 of the 30 kids from her class and leave a couple out but this way avoids that issue.

[Cath2907]

To add her first ever party was a hall and the whole class came as I had no idea who was who then!

[Keepingupwiththejonesys]

We are having a party for our dds this October that will have 30 children attending. The difference is 20 of these are our own children and family members children. The parents will stay and most of them will likely help out. My family are close and we all just help out at the kids parties. We are letting dd1 (reception but will be year 1 by the party) invite 5 school friends and dd2 (she will be in upper preschool by then) is inviting 3 friends, two from playgroup and one from preschool. We are saving two places in case dd2 has more than one close friend at preschool by then and also in case we forget someone

I'm happy to do this but wouldn't personally have one with the whole class, CBA with that

[Keepingupwiththejonesys]

Just to add, the place we are having our dds party is a maximum of 30 children, they 100% want it there so we aren't changing this. They're very close with a lot of their cousins too so not inviting them isn't an option

[MissEliza]

My oldest dcs have September birthdays so turned 5 just after starting school. For the first year, I organised whole class parties as they were still getting to know people. It was a good way of getting to know children and parents.

[teaonadrip]

At this age it is the norm in our area to have whole class party's. As a previous poster said, friendship circles change very often at this age and in as little as a week they could have fallen out with a friend or made 3 more.

It is a great way to get to know other parents as well as at this age most if not all will stay for the duration of the party.

It doesn't have to cost the earth - hire a hall, play some music and play pass the parcel. Our local leisure centre also hires out the sports hall and bouncy castle for around the £50.00 mark. All you need to do is add sandwiches!

[FlakeBook]

All parties in reception here seem to be whole class parties. Parents always stay so not really chaotic.

We'be never done the soft play i'r farm parties that are pay per head, too expensive. We'be done hire a hall abd pass the parcel etc, once hired a bouncy castle.

You could do an outing with the cousins separately from the class party?

[Dizzylin]

DD's birthday is December. We did invite the whole class to her 5th Birthday but hired a Church Hall, Bouncy Castle etc. It was extremely stressful and I said never again. We had a few that said yes but didn't turn up and quite a few we didn't get a response from at all! We only did it the first year, by Y1 she had establised groups of friends so it was far easier.

[missperegrinespeculiar]

yes, both mine had all class parties in reception, it is a good way for them to start bonding and also for you to get to know the parents

that said, the parties ended up being huge, most kids came (how awful to hear stories when just a few turned up, we must have been very lucky with our school!) parents stayed as they are still little, and we also had family and kids form outside of school, very stressing and expensive, so not say you don't also have a point!

But both my kids loved it and still remember it fondly!

[mommybunny]

When my DD was in reception, her (all girls) school strongly encouraged - knowing they couldn't enforce it - parents to have "whole year" parties in the first couple of years. This meant about 36-40 girls. But no one was expected to do the whole thing themselves - parents of girls whose birthdays were near each other very often clubbed together to do the whole hall hire/entertainer/party tea thing, so no one ever needed to bear that cost on their own.

I know it's shocking to many on MN, but our PTA gave us all the parents' contact details and girls' birthdays in advance of each year (it was a private school, and the parents of course consented to this information being given out), which made it really easy to figure out when there was a birthday near your own DD's. Having parents club together for parties also meant there were fewer of them and much less possibility of dates clashing.

One brilliant thing about the "whole year" parties was that the girls had a chance to get to know each other before the whole "who are the cool girls?" angst started. I won't say that, at almost 11, my DD doesn't feel any of that, but I think it's much less than it could have been had the girls been siloed off into cliques from the age of 5.

OP, if you're thinking of going the whole class route, are there any parents you already know who could get together with to share a party?

[Shineystrawberrylover]

Whole class? Why does everyone think a child wants to spend their birthday with everyone from school. I'd sooner time on my own than a party with all my colleagues.

[autumnkate]

Reception at our school is very much whole class parties, that way no one is left out. Half a term into big school i think she will have made lots of friends in her class.

I would (and have!) do a whole class school party in your situation. Have her cousins round for tea.

[ThisLittleKitty]

This is bizarre to me as my kids have been at school a year now (2 kids) and neither has ever been invited to a party. So I guess it's not normal in my area.

[RatOnnaStick]

We've never done whole class parties. There have been a few but an equal number of them have been 8-10-12 kids at home or soft play or wherever. Ds2 doesn't like hall parties, too chaotic for him.