To dread going into work: colleague

[Wauden]

A colleague has turned horrible to me and its really getting to me. It can be quite sneaky, ie setting up a situation where she starts accusing me of saying something or misinterpreting something I said.

Worse is she stands up in the office and sneers at me to others: 'Wauden said xyz, ha ha ha'. Last time I just avoided the general conversation, and when she was goading me, just smiled and avoided eye contact so she said 'Wauden smiled, ha ha ha'

I raised some small thing at a team meeting and she glowered at me and said aggressively to me: 'Was that so unreasonable of me to ask you to do?' - regarding a small task she had asked me to do - I was just filling in the others, as I wanted to update them - straightforward.
I just said nothing to be calm and dignified .
She twists things round.

I think she wants my job.

What do I say in front of others? She is really ramping up the goading of me to get a reaction which I won't give her.
But I feel I will snap any day now!!!
Help - what should I do in the heat of the moment?

[Pearlsaringer]

Sorry, meant visual, non-audible information. As you were..

[SemolinaSilkpaws]

Just thinking about you OP and hoping you are OK at work today. Also hope you have spoken to your manager and/or HR person. Don’t let this continue any longer.

A side note, if you are considering getting written off for stress because of this. It could be used against you by horrible colleague if they find out, not fit for job, give to me, etc.

[daisychain01]

I think making it obvious you are recording someone's voice in the office is visually quite inflammatory, and could make the matter worse. Also, how realistic is it that the OP will be able to "hit record" on their mobile phone at a seconds notice, potentially with a load of other colleagues standing/sitting there as well.

Then the goady colleague may take exception, insist the OP wipes the recording clean immediately, citing GDPR and making a massive issue, which will detract from their bad behaviour.

[BeyondThePage]

bug watch is a good idea... I had a "challenging" colleague last year, kept my sanity and my mouth from running off with things by using some advice from on here -

cultivating an air of serenity and using raised eyebrows instead of words if you are worried what you will say.

[Wauden]

Update: I have kept my distance from Goady One. I worked elsewhere for a while but did not miss out on anything on her account. I denied her the chance to make me into a laughing stock.

I like the use of raised eyebrows and have been practicing this.

The latest shenanigan is that I had been allocated a project (not by the boss), however another colleague has emailed me to say that Goady One will take it on because of her previous involvement. Its less work for me and she is welcome to the project; but it is very strange that Goady did not tell me herself! I think this is calculated by Goady, to stir.
If it was a project I wanted to keep then I would say something, but I won't.
I think I should let that one go and it is like she is challenging me. What would you do?

[frasier]

Make sure, in writing, that Goady is really taking over. Mail her (and say, are you OK with this) and CC to person who gave you the project, the one who has told you not to do it, and the boss.

You really have to cover yourself with these types.

[frasier]

In fact forward the colleagues email that says Goady will do it and add your "Is everyone OK with this change" remarks.

If she's getting people to set you up, be on top of it.

[user1493423934]

Yeah do what Frasier said. Good luck OP, let us know how you get on.

[shakingmyhead1]

another YES do what Frasier said, reply and CC in the team and boss and double check that your colleagues suggestion is acceptable to all

[Pearlsaringer]

frazier that is excellent advice.

OP she is waging a campaign to undermine you, presumably to get her promotion back as you “aren’t up to it”. I think if you get on with your manager you have to take it to them now.

First line up your allies, are there any people who have witnessed this who would back you up even if just informally?

Then have a private chat with your manager, detail what the GO is doing, say you have been handling it but feel your manager needs to know what is going on as you think it’s beginning to affect the team. Don’t let the GO succeed in getting you sidelined. She is the one that needs to be moved, not you.

Any good manager will be on this.

Good luck and keep us updated, you are doing great!

[Wauden]

Great advice, thank you so much. I did some digging and found that Goady One had in fact had a prior lead on the project, so it is rightfully hers. So I could not do otherwise than hand it over.

It is significant that she did not ask me directly, but indirectly via other people. I assume she said 'Wauden won't hand it over, can you ask her for me? I tried to but she [insert lies] and she is the problem.'

GO is a sneaky operator. I am putting as much distance as I can from her physically so she cannot resume the laughing at me 'Wauden said xyz, ha ha ha.' as if to provoke.

[raymonReddingtonsOtherdaughter]

I feel your pain, and wish you good things. I suffered similar at work, and took redundancy, it had been three years of exasperation, with a useless manager who said it was a personality clash. I did say at that point, how could it be a clash, when I say nothing to her ? She was a 12 year old child in a woman’s body, every word out of her mouth showed her to be a horrible person. And the cackling !! Nightmarish.

[retirednow]

"personality clash", that old chestnut, almost as bad as "strong personality".

[Wauden]

Or 'full and frank conversation'. These sneaky types should get their come- uppance.
RaymondsDaughter, sorry that happened to you and the bad one stayed on. Hope retirement/another job is going well for you.
Anyone else have similar stories?

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

No one should dread going into work to earn a fair days pay. I hate the thought of people being upset on work. No one gets paid enough for that type of shit.
I'm glad you're speaking to HR.
I detest loathe dispisə bullies.

[user1493423934]

How is it going at work OP?

[DarkPeakScouter]

Did you send the email to cover your tracks?

[southeastdweller]

Have you checked to see if you still have those weird emails from her?

She's waiting for you to lose it in front of the others and then most likely will run off to H.R. Go and see your manager - part of what they get paid for is to deal with issues like this.

Remember that you're in a much stronger position than she is, not just because you've done nothing wrong but because you're permanent and she isn't.

[Wauden]

Dear all, sorry to be so late in getting back. Have been keeping a low profile whilst getting on with work. Dropped a heavy hint to my manager (not what I would normally recommend but it seemed the right thing to do) and it might have worked so far.
Must remain vigilant, though.

I had thought in the future to go part-time and she could be a job-share partner, which I had not asked her about (something to think about in a few years if I can get finances to work) but this seems most unwise in view of what happened.
She is jealous of me but I don't want to be that person; I don't want her to suffer, tbh, although she caused me pain and serious embarrassment, she has been through the mill herself.
No more odd emails from her to date. There's always next week.
I do wonder what she does that I just don't know about...

[FlippingFoal]

Glad to see you are still hanging in there and thankyou for the update. Just remember slowly slowly catchy monkey. Bide your time and let her dig her own hole...

[goldenlilliesdaffodillies]

I ended up leaving a job I loved because of a person like this. I tried to stand up to her which made it worse. Management knew what she was like but did nothing. In the end the only option was to leave.

[SharonMott]

It was shit like this that drove me to join a union. Three years later and I am so glad I did because I have had to leave. From the minute I got my membership card I felt I had some proper protection and slept properly for the first time for months. Start making a journal of what is said and when. The poor behaviour towards me reduced when the management knew I was unionised but long term they were spineless and didn't help me adequately.

[DeadGood]

“You've done really well to remain so serene,it must be driving her nuts!”

Disagree. Your softness is probably strengthening her dislike of the OP, but don’t fool yourselves that this person is being driven quietly mad by the OP’s lack of reaction.

People like this smell weakness and prey on it. OP, the answer is to square up to her. I’m not saying it will be easy, but I strongly suggest you work yourself up to it, or leave. It won’t get better with the “I kept my head down and didn’t say anything” approach.

[DeadGood]

Sorry - that should read something like “the OP’s softness is probably strengthening GO’s dislike of the OP, but don’t fool yourselves that this person is being driven quietly mad by the OP’s lack of reaction.”