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AIBU?

Wibu to request a meeting with ds nursery keywprker over this.

73 replies

Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 13:44

Now I don't want to be one of those parents and I appreciate nursery staff and teachers do there best and are often stretched to the limits.
My ds is 4 in pre school has developmental language disorder, development delay in every area, sensory issues, anxiety and also has poor muscle tone and stiffness in his leg which often causes pain and has been worse since the cold weather has hit.
I dropped him off for his session today and he said to the staff that he didn't want to go Forrest school. Is sensory issues cause him to struggle with the wind and rain which makes him super anxious and the cold his making him struggle more with his legs. I was telling them that he's suffering more with his legs but she didn't listen instead she spoke over me to ds and said tough there is no option to be in doors he has to go outside and that he would be able to sit at a table on the decking and colour. They do have outdoor heaters on the decking but aren't allowed near enough to benefit from them due to health and safety. I was pretty gob smacked at this and my face dropped. She then said he could colour in a little room on his own for a few minutes but he would have to go out after. The room in question is freezing as the doors open all the time as it's the entrance and exit from Forrest school.
I have once refused to take him to nursery on Forrest school day due to him being out in the cold and hurting nursery said that was best as if they ok to go to nursery they are ok to be out for the full session regardless of the weather.
Am I being to precious or should they be accomdating the fact that the could makes his issues to his legs alot worse.

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codswallopandbalderdash · 04/12/2017 15:35

OP I'm with you on this. The nursery should be making some alternative provision for your child. seek a meeting with the manager and go in to find solutions to the problem.

My DS struggles with a lot of noise. Our nursery moved him up on his own to the pre-school run and it was a disaster. A lot of the kids were school age / due to go to school and were really rowdy as it was their last couple of weeks at nursery and they knew it. I went in to see the manager and key worker to discuss coping strategies for my son - i.e. could they offer him some quiet time, I took time of work to get him familiar with the room (because it turned out no one had bothered to show him things like the books on tape). He settled eventually but I did make my views / wishes know and worked with the nursery on finding solutions

Atenco · 04/12/2017 15:40

They believe a child with a with coughs and colds are better outside to build up the immune systems

Well that was what the doctor recommended for my then two-year-old brother while recovering from pneumonia in the days when they still knew how to treat illness without the use of antibiotics.

Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 15:42

I work with the nursery I have never gone against nursery. I don't go in and complain I go explain areas he's struggling then sit down and try work out plans for it. He has plans in place of a specialist teacher he has provision mapping and plans in place that the nursery has done themselves. The EHCP would take longer as the new setting would need to build up evidence of there own they wouldn't be able to use the current nurseries evidence.
All the nurseries in my area have Forrest school.

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Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 15:44

As for what he wears it's his nursery uniform a coat hat scarf and gloves. They have all in ones but they aren't water proof and he won't wear thermals I have tried.

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Looneytune253 · 04/12/2017 15:46

Yabu the nursery, I’m presuming, has always done this session. Ywnbu to look for a different nursery that doesn’t have these sessions though.

Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 15:47

Also there is no where to talk in private away from my child. We don't have that option they say they are too busy. And yes they do see me as a pain and that I treat him like pfb (which I may add he isn't my first born for starters nor is he my first sn child). I once pulled them up for not changing his dirty nappy. So now I ask every day if his nappies been changed they don't like this.

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Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 15:49

Actually he's been to that nursery since September 2016 it's only been since starting the pre school in September this year has been told he has to go previously it was only if he wanted to.

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MissDuke · 04/12/2017 15:57

It doesn't sound like this nursery is working for you, I really would take him out.

PosiePootlePerkins · 04/12/2017 16:02

OP I'm not sure AIBU is the right place for this, try posting on the SN boards where you will get more support and understanding.

Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 16:09

To be honest am glad I posted here it reflects alot on how much people understand which I can see alot here. Thanks for all everyone's said if anything you have all helped me understand how much sn and reasonable adjustments are understood.

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tampinfuminragin · 04/12/2017 16:16

At my sons nursery, the key workers who were off the floor for their half day would come out and sit with the kids who didn't want to go out.

Are there any key workers there who are off the floor who could supervise him while everyone else is outside?

If you're really not happy and he's not happy, could you look for another nursery?

TheHungryDonkey · 04/12/2017 16:17

It doesn’t sound like the right place at all. But you are right. If you take him out now it will bugger up th EHCP. Have you tried base layers? I buy them in sports shops. We use them as compression tops mostly, but they are useful for staying warm in cold weather without getting too hot.

Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 16:26

I really can not change his nursery.

Thank you hungry I will try base layers. Hopefully he will wear me.

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bostonkremekrazy · 04/12/2017 19:18

I'm sad to hear it will mess up his EHCP if you pull him up - it doesn't sound like they can meet his needs at all.

I would not be able to leave him there after knowing he was left crying for an hour - and i'd use that as evidence for removing him....is there any way to remove him but keep the evidence going - and include him crying for an hour and staff not meeting his needs? include the forest school and his sensory issues etc as further evidence?
a nursery saying tough luck etc....can not be viewed as excellent and understanding of his needs - can IPSEA help you?

Can you provide his own own all in fleece lined? practice wearing it at home first? we have to provide our own, and picking it out helped my DC...

where we live you can move a child mid statement....(not EHCP yet thank goodness!) and it simply carries on. England, Wales, Scotland are still so different aren't they.

sending that you get your sons EHCP soon and you can move him somewhere that suits him better!

Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 19:48

Thank you for your post.
Unfortunately the only nursery that would be able to meet his needs is a sn one and to go there I need the echp. There is no other way to change nursery without the echp actually being messed up.
I spoken to ipsea and they have said to just keep building up evidence that they are in able to support his needs.
I do have more of a problem of how he's dealt with rather than what's done. Fine if he has to go outside but he needs alot more support than just tough. He also suffers badly from separation anxiety and once when I was dropping him off he was in full on meltdown and a member of staff said of mini Aspie just stop it walked off and just left him sobbing in my arms saying mummy please don't leave me. I am finding it harder and harder to leave him but all his professionals keep telling me I need to do it to get what we need to ensure his echp is in place so we can get him in the right school.
We did have a blanket that he choose and he could take into nursery with him staff would take it off him and put it in his bag when we left. I have just made him a photo book of me, dh and all dcs so he can have that when hes struggling with the separation anxiety.

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Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 19:49

*unable not able

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Atenco · 04/12/2017 20:42

Oh yuck, that nursery sounds pretty horrible, OP. No advice except that maybe posting on the SN board more experienced posters can help you to square the circle.

peachgreen · 04/12/2017 20:46

@ceto I'm not sure providing one-on-one supervision away from the rest of the class for a full day a week counts as "reasonable adjustment" though.

Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 20:56

@peachgreen I haven't asked them to provide a 1 to 1 for full day he goes for 2 and a half hours as that's all he can currently handle. We have previously had a meeting regarding his needs it was discussed that he wouldn't be made to go put as soon as he got there and that he would go out later and come back in after an hour this helps him try still take part but still not out in the cold to hurt and minimise any sensory issues he has. This never happens. I bring it up to senco who is his key worker she talks to staff next Forrest school session it never happens. I don't and would never ask for everything to be handed to him and made easy I do however think it would be better with the compromise for everyone involved.

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Candlelight234 · 04/12/2017 20:57

They believe a child with a with coughs and colds are better outside to build up the immune systems

Well that was what the doctor recommended for my then two-year-old brother while recovering from pneumonia in the days when they still knew how to treat
I've also been told this by an older doctor when my dd was recovering from pneumonia, they said the cold air helps open up the airways.
However what you said about being left to cry for sn your sounds awful. They don't sound very caring.

Candlelight234 · 04/12/2017 20:58

Ffs - should say being left to cry for an hour sounds awful.

Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 20:59

My comment about the cough and colds was a reply to some who said what about dcs with snooty noses and coughs surely they are better off inside at this time of year.

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codswallopandbalderdash · 04/12/2017 21:05

I don't really understand all this. Forest school at DS nursery was an hour out of nursery and was completely voluntary. the children only went out in small groups for so many weeks then it was another groups turn. And it was voluntary. Children that didn't want to go stayed in the nursery with workers there. FWIW if OP child has special needs they are required to make reasonable adjustments

Aspieparent · 04/12/2017 21:10

In my dcs (I also have a 3 year old in same nursery) nursery each room has A day allocated for Forrest school. On there set day they spend full day in Forrest including meals and snacks on decking and the younger groups if napping nap in tents. Once it's got to freezing temperatures meals and snacks are now inside and they have staff on room for children who nap.

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littleducks · 04/12/2017 21:32

I understand you can't move him easily at present but it does sound like its not a good fit between your opinions and nursery and nursery and his needs,

I'm not sure if YABU about the forest school from what you have said.

What does his paediatrician/consultant advise about his legs? Does he have a care plan saying he should be kept warm?

I think you really need to look at clothing options to see if he can be included, a hat with gloves and scarf doesn't sound like quite enough for forest school in December even without his additional needs. Could you provide a hot water bottle or heat pads, would that help? I expect if he was moving he wouldn't feel so cold as sitting colouring but sounds like he needs to feel more comfortable to start moving about so a viscous circle.

Also just out of academic interest what age did he get the DLD diagnosis? It wasn't recommended to be given prior to 5 when introduced so its interesting to hear about how it is being used in different places.

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