DSis is 46 and all her adult life has lurched from one crisis to another beginning with addiction to cocaine in her lates 20s, done for drink driving twice, a period where she came out as a lesbian (which all the family completely supported), then she wasn't a lesbian, massive debts plus many more disasters.
As a family, we have always been there to pick up the pieces, rescue her from drug dens, blah, blah. It's been going on for so long nothing surprises me. What bothers me is the effect it has on my Dparents who understandably spend the majority of there time deeply worried about her. She is still living with them. She currently works (but constantly complains about how she is treated there). Her current issue is massive weight loss so she is very underweight (BMI 16 - had blood tests so no underlying cause). My Dparents think it is caused by her being stressed at work, are convinced she is eating well and are besides themselves with worry about her. If I question that she is not eating breakfast and lunch when she is at work my Dmum becomes angry with me. Most of our conversations end up about her, Dmum gives me guilt trips that I should be making more of an effort with her. The problem is deep down I feel so with her angry that she is ruining my Dparents life and have run out of patience for her a long time ago. I think it affects my relationship with them and cannot forgive her for that. We have very little in common now so I do struggle to get on with her. I don't really know how to handle my underlying irritation about her but if I cannot talk about this with my parents.
AIBU?
So fed up effect Dsis has on Dparents but probably IABU
beingabanana1 · 01/12/2017 15:32
the thought that my dc could end up like dsis fills me with fear
Snap - I’m also terrified of this, though I don’t have children yet though am TTC. My sister also lives with my mum (and is abusive to her). Your children will NOT turn out like your sis. 
Will Christmas be okay, will her behaviour be ok around the dc?
Do you know what might cause her issues? I suspect my sister has Borderline Personality Disorder, caused by somewhat chaotic / dysfunctional upbringing.
It is really shit and I do hear you - you’re sad for the person but also it’s so hard to witness them essentially making your parents lives a misery. Worse, you’re painted as the bad guy by your parents for saying no - my mum does the same guilt tripping about ‘getting along’ with her. She recently told me ‘we’re family, we don’t dump each other’, which is a very loaded statement considering how abusive and unpredictable my sister can be - it’s like you’re being blamed or cast as selfish for not wanting to be around someone who is so chaotic.
Don’t let t get to you - just try to get through xmas and then try and build a separate relationship with your parents.
I understand, OP, it's similar with my DB. He has serious MH issues and hasn't held down a job in over 20 years. Our childhood was abusive, but DSis and I have made lives for ourselves and have families, which he actually resents us for. He's very difficult to be around, surly, shouts at our DDs, breaks things, and he stinks. He also drinks too much, but that's connected to his MH issues.
My DM has looked out for him all through his adult life, and he's unable to function independently at all. She's now 78 and no longer able to cope with it. She's finally agreed that that's true and has set things up for him so that his needs are taken care of.
It's understandable that you feel resentment about your DSis. You need to develop a relationship with your DM separately from her, and maybe agree not to talk about your DSis. Or just listen to her without commenting, which is what I try to do where my DB is concerned. And try and talk to her about other things, and see her separately.
for you
I’m sorry op, you must feel so shit. How did the conversation play out?
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