To want answers about aunties death?

[user263781638]

My auntie passed away in may, she’d been ill for a very long time. She was an alcoholic with liver failure, her death came whilst she had been admitted to hospital after being found on a park collapsed by a passer by from what the family have learnt she was having the usual fluids etc. And somehow managed to fall from the bed and bang her head, this caused a catastrophic bleed to the brain, if she was a fit and healthy individual I would imagine the damage would’ve have been as bad but her blood didn’t clot and she was declared brain dead a few hours later, she was 50 years old.
As a family we haven’t persuaded anything further as even though she was ill it was a very big shock and we couldn’t fault the hospitals care of her over the years she’d been ill, my gran just wants to leave it be, she was a single lady with no children and treated me and my sister as though we were her own, we was all very close.
For me I just want answers of why and how it happened I don’t want to ‘sue’ or anything like that, just an understanding of why? Nobody else in the family wants this but I feel I need to know. AIBU wanting to know why she died, even though my family don’t want to know?

[auntantigone]

Very sorry OP. I know someone who is a nurse and we were talking about this recently. She says patients fall all the time, even out of railed beds, esp. if they have dementia or are a bit disoriented.

YANBU to contact someone asking for details if that will help you right now. However, I would gently suggest that falls etc are basically inevitable in an overstretched health service, and diverting resources to an investigation will disadvantage other patients.

Hope you get answers 💐

[user263781638]

I am not passing blame to anybody..
if anything we as a family believe it’s our fault for not doing enough we can’t thank all the care givers enough that’s why we haven’t perused anything further and donated all monies from the funeral to the ward who cared for her.

[Winebottle]

I think when people want answers they are, in their grief, looking for someone to blame, someone to direct their anger towards.

If she was staying over at yours and you found her in the morning by the side of the bed and they determined she fell out of bed in the night, you would be satisfied with that answer. You wouldn't be concerned with the precise mechanics of the fall because there would be nobody to direct your questions towards.

[hiyasminitsme]

So what do you want to know? Bear in mind that the time taken to answer your enquiry will take the staff away from front line care.

[Bunglecunt]

I don't think you're being unreasonable in the slightest op and I'm shocked at some of the responses on here. You come across as very calm and measured and as you have repeatedly said - not that some people seem to understand, you are not looking to blame anyone. It is perfectly natural to want to understand what happened so that you can process it and actually grieve. I would call pals and tell them exactly what you have put on here

[Stoptherideiwannagetoff]

OP you cannot think that you and your family could have done more - once someone is in that mindset there is nothing you can do. We pushed for hospitalisation more than once and overrode the rather cantankerous family member numerous times. No familial,medical or professional help with make much of a difference past a certain point. I'm sure you all did everything humanly possible. Try not to get into a guilt mindset. Perhaps talking to an alcoholism support group will help as you will be able to speak with people in a similar situation to you and your family - it may give you some comfort.

[NewspaperTaxis]

Going by my own experience, if you make a complaint and they think someone is in a position to sue, they will totally mess you about. The complaints procedure in that instance is rigged to fob you off, string you along and send you away with a flea in your ear.

If you complain it will be for someone else's benefit, not yours, which is totally fair enough and reason to do it of course, but you will not get them to own up to anything. The NHS is all about a history of making folk jump through hoops for years even decades, adding insult to injury.

So keep your complaint to a side of A4 or even take it to the local press as you have nothing to lose except of course if you have another relative in the area they may be subject to harassment - I got that from Surrey County Council mainly but also with NHS Surrey Downs CCG.

Sorry but that's how it is. There should have been bed rails, that's all you can get from it. Pals might be the way to go, as they can present a better front, but it really depends what they are like. Some are of the 'let's string them along' variety. I made a complaint to Epsom District Hospital and they never even replied and/or dropped it and picked it up a year or so later!

[user263781638]

I’m not complaining, this is my point.

It’s purely for me to grasp what happened for my own sense of grief, I am not or nor do I want to hold anybody accountable, no body is not even my Auntie, addiction is an illness a mental one that unfortunately isn’t well recognised and most people feel it’s down to the individual, I mean we did for a long time and well never understand what caused it because she never did.

[GinSoddenWhore]

I completely agree with Bunglecunt. Some of the responses on here are vile. As for the person who said that the OPs aunt had chosen to ruin her body - you should be ashamed.

I am sorry for your loss OP. I lost my brother to alcoholism. It's a terrible thing.

[user263781638]

Gin it really is, sorry about your loss also

[needtogiveitablow]

There is nothing more you or your family could have done for her. I say this from personal experience and having spent the last 2 years dealing with a close relative in and out of the detox ward and having had a number of near death incidents. Alcoholics are under the grip of a serious illness and once they get to a certain point I truly believe there is no going back regardless of what they know the outcome to be. My greatest fear is one day getting my DFs house and finding him on the floor alone, it is however inevitable that this will one day happen as no matter how many times he dries out he will simply leave the hospital and go straight to the off license. Hospitals are well equipped to physically detox someone but it seems there is a lack of resource to deal with the mental side of things. I understand why you want further details but it may not help, knowing they would have discharged her whilst distressed or under the influence may only add to the sense of grief you feel. Hopefully in time you can get through this, whilst it is awful that this has happened I would like to think there is some relief to be taken from her not suffering this terrible illness any longer - until people live through it they will never understand the confusion and anger that this can bring out

[Sparkletastic]

The hospital trust would have recorded this as a Serious Incident and there would have been a thorough investigations and ‘lessons learned’ conclusions. Contact the Trust’s Complaints / Clinical Governance Officer and ask to be sent the paperwork. The NHS works under a Duty of Candour and must share information with patients’ families where harm has occurred.

[steff13]

It sounds like you can request her hospital notes, maybe that's what you need.

But I think you need to prepare yourself; if she was drunk they may not have been aware of her state of mind, and she literally may have just fallen out of bed. There may be no other explanation than that.

[Gynaegirl]

If this accident occurred in a hospital and resulted in a death was it reported to the coroner? Was an inquest held?

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

It sounds like you can request her hospital notes, maybe that's what you need

I thought only the next of kin was able to view the notes?

And OP said the NOK didn't want to follow it up ...

[steff13]

Oh, I don't have any idea; I'm in the US. I was basing that on PP. If that's not an option, I think the OP is better off just to accept that her aunt died due to an accident.

[fashunn]

I’m sorry for your loss I’m not sure if you’ll ever be given answers beyond what you already know....

No one can know her exact frame of mind before the fall or what her intentions were (leaving, rolling over etc). She was probably confused, drunk and not feeling great. Slipped then couldn’t break the fall as she wasn’t sober. Disoriented so her reflexes couldn’t protect her head. As she was unwell, the catastrophic bleed was much more profound. Yes the nurse was nearby but the impact of the fall would have happened immediately.

Of course the incident could have been avoided in theory, but it was a freak accident. It was the impact of the item she fell against and a combination of her alcohol levels, being unwell and her disorientation that led to this being fatal. Being drunk to such a degree can make you a hazard to yourself. I’m sure the nurse did all she could to save her life and feels awful about the events too