Unexpected guest

[Anxioustabbycat]

In tear that exhausted and ashamed probably being BU.

I have been on night duty over weekend my house is a tip today. I have 3 children a messy husband and I have been at work. I finished work this morning and have had 3 hours sleep. ( no cleaner and not had time yet to tackle situation)
My oldest children do swimming after school Monday so I take them to swimming and my mother picks my toddler up from Nursery brings her home and waits with her for about the 20min until I get home with older children.
Today I came home to find my mother had bought her Australian cousin along but neglected to warn me.
Firstly walking in and finding a strange ( but very unthreatening middle aged ) lady sitting on the ( messy) sofa made me scream.
But the shame I had a basket of ironing to do in the middle of the room. Child 1 had left his dirty socks on the sofa ( he took them off in the gap between getting in from school and going out again). Kitchen a mess, recycling bin needs emptying, toys everywhere.
I have never met this relative before and now the impression I have given is a bad housekeeper without makeup and messy hair who is stressed and screamed.
AIBU to be cross and upset with my mother. Or because she does me the favor of helping I have to suck it up. So embarrassed about my house. I always make it perfect if I have guests and tend to be more presentable also. Do Australians have messy houses ever?

[Dairymilkmuncher]

Let it go, your mums helping you out and she will know for future that a heads up is appreciated.

Think of this as a great opportunity to bring up mess with your husband and who should be doing what

[GerrytheBerry]

Maelstrop I love your husband!

[GerrytheBerry]

I would feel exactly the same, I'd be mortified, but I am starting to learn/accept that it's actually nigh on impossible to have a respectably tidy house at all times when you have children!
It looks like something from the Blair witch project in my living room as my 3 year old is obsessed with sticks and has a pile of them and I mean a pile, that I'm not allowed to put away or move or he just goes crazy ( yes I know I need to mum up and put my foot down) that along with lego constantly taking over the coffee table and light sabres all over the place, I've admitted defeat!
I'm sure the lady couldn't give two hoots, and if she did, sod her!

[Inertia]

Yanbu- I would hate someone bringing unexpected visitors when you feel that your house is a tip. On the plus side, the fact that you didn't know in advance meant that you didn't try to fit in cleaning as well as working nights, doing the children's activities etc- it would probably have been your sleep that lost out , and you clearly needed it. And it doesn't sound that bad- just a busy household. If anything, your relative is probably judging your mum for not actually checking with you first.

Why is your DH messy? Why do you feel responsible for his mess ?

At least your guests didn't say anything. My FIL (retired, with plenty of time and no commitments) came to visit one weekend after I had had a crazy busy week at work. I'd cleaned while DH took the children to their activities. FIL passed a couple of comments about how in his house he cleans the skirting boards and the tops of door frames every week.

[PandorasXbox]

Honestly it doesn’t sound that bad. In the aunts shoes I’d be thinking how fab you were taking the kids swimming after so little sleep.

[Tawdrylocalbrouhaha]

I would hate this too. I bet your mother tidied her house before her cousin arrived, and she should have given you the same opportunity. It's equivalent to bringing unexpected guests around at 8am on a Sunday morning - puts you on the wrong foot.

On the bright side there were no discarded underpants strewn on your sofa, no bras drying on your radiators, and no crunch of discarded Cheerios underfoot, all of which might greet unexpected guests in my house.

[Bluntness100]

op, she saw a normal working house, don’t stress. As for husband, don’t be too hard on him, as is always said to women on here, looking after three kids isn’t easy never mind doing the housework on top and I’m guessing he was looking after the kids whilst you slept or were at work.

[ModreB]

My DM is a hoarder, as in floor to ceiling boxes, rubbish etc. She has paths to and from her chair, the bathroom, her bed. You get the picture.

I came home from work early one day, and found her and her friend from overseas having tea and cakes in my house, as her's was too messy to let her friend in. . No childcare, she has a spare key for emergencies.

She's never done it again after my reaction, and I told her I have CCTV so I WOULD know if she did decide to use my house as her personal meeting place again.

[SaucyJack]

Your house really isn't that bad. Socks on the sofa? Meh.

[Anxioustabbycat]

Screamed was a shocked kind of yelp scream. I just wasn’t expecting a strange lady to be sat there. I was then very polite and apologized for state of house etc. mum had already given her tea and they were in a hurry to go as had dinner plans. Didn’t really even have time to recover any composure either.

[DelphiniumBlue]

3 kids, working night shifts, I'd think she be amazed you're still standing! I bet your Mum has bigged up what a great mum you are, how you are juggling everything. If anyone thinks the worse of you for a messy house, it says more about them than you!

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

How annoying! It's horrid post nights after three hours sleep, horrendous, poor you. You should be proud of yourself for being up and sentient, looking after children. And actually, that's a hit too much post nights. I don't think I would have even been able to talk.
Just wondering, you say screamed, what do you mean, shouted, cried?

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Bet our husband isn't feeling embarassed or full of shame. Having a messy house isn't some kind of moral failing.

[2017SoFarSoGood]

Anxioustabbycat I'd be mortified too. DH does always leave his discarded (although thankfully never smelly) socks in the oddest of places. Hot feet, he tells me. I suspect he believes them to be invisible, once removed.

I also have to agree that I would not blink an eye at what you describe - a working home on a Monday. Nothing new there. Would still want to beat DH with a stick for putting me in that situation though. Not MIL. DH. Sounds like he could have done a fair bit to make your Monday a lot easier.

[MammaTJ]

I say 'If you are coming to visit me and my family, then you are welcome, if you are coming to judge my house, then (go away)'

I mean it. Anyone is welcome, anyone coming to judge, is not welcome!

[Welwyncitydweller]

She won’t have battered an eyelid. I think your description is standard for the house of working parents with a few kids!

[TheMaddHugger]

I'm Aussie. No judgement here OP

Now onto your Mum bringing unexpected people with her ... ((((Hugs)))

[ivykaty44]

Why should the mother ask if she can come over when she is doing the dd/op a favour?

[Anxioustabbycat]

Well I can’t argue with the DH comment! Will blame him when he gets in from work. All his fault.

My mother did mention her cousin coming at some point but was never specific and only mentioned in passing alongside a million other things she talks about. I can’t actually ever get a word in, mum talks a lot.
I also had seen my mother this morning she helps in the gap between DH going to Work and I getting home she didn’t say a thing!

[missymayhemsmum]

Well if the cousin was staying it would be a bit wierd not to bring her to meet you and your children?
It doesn't sound like it was disgracefully squalid, OP, but no, yanbu to be annoyed at your mum.

[Maelstrop]

I'd rather clean up before guests arrived, but I wouldn't be too horrified. I would be a bit peed off that I'd had no warning about the guest.

Does your dh not help around the house? Mine came off nights this morning, got up at midday, took out the dog, drove to the rental place half an hour away, painted a room then came home and blitzed the kitchen, steam cleaned the floor as we have a mate coming over tomorrow. I'd consider this quite normal.

[JaneEyre70]

When my 3 were little our house looked like a missile had hit it most days, and I was a SAHM . It's not much better now they're all in their late teens! I'm always very suspicious envious of people with kids and tidy homes

[Leamington99]

Your mother should have asked if she could come over, let alone bring a random friend. At the very least she could have given the house a quick go over if she’s that comfortable with your house.

I sympathise with you as I’m very house proud as well. But it probably came across as mess from your kids to your guest

[chinam]

YANBU. This would drive me insane.

[BenLui]

I would have been embarrassed too but I’m sure your visitor wouldn’t have thought anything of it.

Why on earth didn’t your Mum warn you? It’s a bit odd to invite someone into your house without prior notice.