checking his phone?

[jdjejsn]

DH has been acting very suspiciously with his phone lately, taking it to the toilet with him, always keeping it on him which he never usually does and i noticed he’s changed his passcode too, AIBU to have a quick look through it? I would straight up ask him but don’t want to seem paranoid

[MaidOfStars]

My phone is my own (as is my iPad, my handbag, my coat pockets, my diary, etc). If my husband were to ask for my passcode, my face would tell a picture alright.

OP, I agree his behaviour is odd, if ot is a change from normal. I'd just keep my eye out for other stuff though, and not manipulate use of his phone etc.

As an aside, people who cheat (and I'm not saying OP's husband is doing so). Why the actual fuck do they keep stuff on their phone? It isn't hard to delete messages/photos/whatever. If you really want to keep stuff, it's easy to email screenshots/photos to a secret account, or elsewhere in the cloud. (I appreciate this sounds like I've given it thought, which I have from an academic POV).

[Chloe1984]

If someone asks for your phone when you’re not expecting it, I wouldn’t be happy to hand it over there and then. Not because I’ve done something wrong or I’m having an affair, but usually because I’ve been googling or have unusual websites open, nothing sinister at all but not something I’d nessesarily want others to see.. Eg could be something like a mumsnet thread open, and the person will think why have they looked up a thread about asking for advice about leaving their OH, or having depression, when in reality you are fine but were just having a look at the latest threads.

PS, men take their phone to the loo, it’s something to read.

[GlitteryFluff]

I'd look.
Problem with asking is if something is going on then you've basically told him to be less obvious so he'll delete anything suspicious, tell OW to back off a bit and then you don't have a clue.

[Needalifeoverhaul]

To me, it definitely sounds suspicious. I know people don't agree but I personally would have to look.

[Maddiemademe]

I agree with asking to use his phone. His reaction will tell you all you need to know. Any excuses, hoovering and snatching it back or even offering to put the number in for you if you need to make a call then sorry it's pretty obvious why.

You know your DH better than anyone and I am a true believer in trusting your gut instinct. I remember that sick sensation that something was wrong and was too scared to look for a long time. I am glad I did though and after the shock of the reality of it all my life is so much better.

Hopefully it's nothing but there is often no smoke without fire I am afraid.

[SilverySurfer]

If your spidey senses are telling you something, I would listen and check his phone, if you are able to get the password. I wouldn't care if it was snooping or not.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

I would straight up ask him but don’t want to seem paranoid

But you're considering snooping because that's NOT paranoid?

Either way, you need to have a conversation with him about this. Just say you're feeling insecure due to his behaviour, rather than accusing him outright.

[Bazinga1234]

I would 100% be suspicious.

My friend doesn't know her fiancés passcode and is too scared to ask because she's worried what she would find.

Myself and DH actually have the same passcode - he copied mine so he didn't forget. But we both have fingerprint recognition on eachothers - he has a better camera so I use his for that when my makeup looks good haha.

When I told DH that my friend didn't know hers, he said "if he won't tell her, then he's definitely got something to hide".

I would have no issue with my DH looking through anything on my phone. It's not a big deal to me. Same with him.

[Somerford]

How would you respond if you caught him snooping through your phone and checking texts, call logs, social media inboxes etc? Would that be alright with you or do you feel that you should have a different set of rules/boundaries to him?

[keepcalmandfuckon]

@Ilovevegas agree. If my dh had a moment of insecurity and looked through my phone I wouldn't be all 'what an invasion of my privacy!'. Couldn't care less really. Nothing to hide.
If you are that worried then look.

[WhatToDoAboutThis2017]

I too hate the mentality of you 'either trust him or you don't'

But why? If you need to snoop through your partners phone, you clearly don't trust them. And that really is the end of any decent relationship.

[MrsJamesAspey]

If you don’t find anything it doesn’t mean he’s necessarily trustworthy, could just mean he’s deleted it.

[MrsJamesAspey]

I’d ask to use his phone as a pp said and if he refuses then have the discussion then. Tell him that his behaviour has changed and you don’t trust him.

[missarcher]

I kinda agree with the you either trust him or you don't... if you look and don't find anything there's still no point staying, you don't trust that person and that won't change by finding nothing

[FakePlasticTeaLeaves]

Of course you shouldn't look.
Have you asked him why he chats in the toilet? What does he say?

[Ilovevegas]

I too hate the mentality of you 'either trust him or you don't'

OP has stated that he has a sudden change in behaviour which isn't the 'norm' for DH so is valid to be suspicious.

Although saying that I do agree with aqua if you ask to use his phone watch his facial & body reactions. If he seems uncomfortable & twitchy it may tell you something.

My DH, if he wanted, could look through my phone whenever he liked because you know I have nothing to hide.

If it came out he was hiding something/cheating I'm pretty sure that the first thing your friends & family WONT say is 'oh my god, I can't believe you checked his phone, what a massive invasion of his privacy'

Maybe I'm in the miniority, but if it looks like shit, smells like shit, it usually is shit!

Your instincts are there for a reason, don't ignore them.

[WhatToDoAboutThis2017]

Of course YWBU to sneakily look through his phone. It would be a massive invasion of his privacy and exceptionally controlling.

It would prove nothing except that there is no trust in your relationship so it is doomed anyway.

[BadHatter]

He should LTB

[TriHard27]

I don't want to advise to check it because it's an invasion of privacy etc. But also, no person who is cheating is just going to happily admit to it when asked by their partner so talking about it is equally rubbish advice. Hope it turns out to be nothing and you feel a bit more positive soon.

[RavenLG]

If you're asking you know it's wrong. You want validation to check it. Be an adult and talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. Solid relationships need to have open communication channels.

[RavenLG]

If you're asking, you know it's wrong. You want validation to check it. Be an adult and talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. Solid relationships need to have open communication channels.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I would straight up ask him but don’t want to seem paranoid 

Are you really happier with checking his phone secretly than telling him something seems up?

Check it, if you can given the passcode change, and you feel you need too. Instincts are usually there for a reason.

[splatattack]

Gut instinct means something...I would check

[engineersthumb]

There is a lot of difference between asking to look and sneaking a look. If a man suggested snooping on his wife's phone he would be labelled "controlling". If it's bothering you probably best to ask, explain it's worried you. It may mean that you have further conversations about trust etc but that's a conversation your relationship may need, if there is no basis to the worry it may actually improve your relationship.

[Aquamarine1029]

If you think something is wrong, that's because it usually is. Tell him you misplaced yours and need to use his for a minute. Right then and there. The look on his face will tell you a lot.