AIBU - freedom for 11 yo

[ZanyMobster]

My DS ws 11 in Feb. He's very sensible, fairly grown up for his age but hasn't had loads of freedom going out on his own due to a number of reasons (he does lots of sports so is at activities most of the time, we do lots as a family and we also live in a very busy city).

This summer he was allowed to go off when we were on holiday on his own but we gave certain stipulations such as go to one place and let us know if you are going elsewhere. He was erratic at best at adhering to that. He was always safe and sensible but did not do as we asked most of the time with regards to that.

This morning we said he could walk to his sports camp on his own, really straight forward walk, one busy bit of road but easily negotiated TBH. I asked him to text when he got there but of course he didn't. His coach let me know he was there so I am not actually worried but it's not the point. The route he walked, although not dangerous traffic wise, is through somewhere that could be considered a slight risk (don't' want to say as fairly outing as quite rare) so I did want to know he was there ok.

I suppose my AIBU is do you think it is a reasonable ask him to let me know he got there safely? Due to the nature of the camp they wouldn't necessary let me know he didn't arrive often people just don't turn up so I could turn up at tea time and him not be there.

I just want to deal with it reasonably, he needs to be able to do these things on his own as he will be going to seniors soon but at 11 I don't believe he should be able to go off and do as he pleases without us knowing where he is.

I don't want people saying he should have had more freedom by now etc, we are not particularly over protective and he does do other stuff on his own but where we live is not hugely safe and he is amongst the norm for the amount of freedom he has (more than his close friends), I just feel I need a bit of help on how to deal with this when I go to pick him up.

Thanks all

[arrrrghhwinehelpswithteens]

NRTWT but hiding's suggestion works with older teens too. Used it two weeks ago with DD (nearly 16) when she refused to do something. Strangely compliant afterwards. I use something similar if she's on Facetime / Skype etc with friends and refusing to do something- walk into her room and talk to her as we did when she was tiny. Again, compliance ensues. You need to be sure of the friends though- at least one set's parents adopted it after witnessing my efforts!

[hidingmystatus]

Glad I've provided amusement and help. Nice to know it works on older teens too, though I'm currently on the "remember your nickname when you were three" variety. The teen eye-roll is spectacular. But the compliance is even better!

[Summerlovin24]

It's not too much to ask for ONE text when a Child arrives somewhere .
Those are my rules and I go nuts if not adhered to. Otherwise I can't relax. My kids are 13 and 15 but I need peace of mind. There are some weird people about....

[heedee]

You are not being unreasonable at all! You let him walk alone, one condition of that was that he was to text you. He didn't so that show you he's not ready for the responsibility yet! Good luck. My oldest is 10 - not looking forward to having to negotiate this with her in the years to come think I'll be tailing her til she's at least 18 😂